TL;DR
I (27F) just figured out my bf (31M) has been asking his parents for money every month…I’m disappointed.
We had been friends for 3 years before officially becoming bf and gf.
I thought I knew him but now I’m pretty shocked. He had been staying with his mum for 3.5 years. It took me sometime to accept that but finally I did. I moved forward. Then I realized he had 1*k pounds in debts. Another shock. Then I finally calmed down since his parents promised to help him. Today, I had another shock. He has been asking his parents for money. He earns 4k pounds in three months though he said he had been earning 2k a month. He never tracked how much he earns a month since he is staying with mum and doesnt have to pay for the rent. Thats, for me, very irresponsible.
He is a 31 year old grown man. Not a child. Not a kid.
Shock after shock. Im very depreased. He loves me very much but how can I trust my life with this man?
If he has a fulltime job, I will be less worried, but he is just a freelancer working in IT, and he is relying on 3 clients to make ends meet.
I really need advice. Please. Part of me I wanna leave this mạn alone due to my standards, but deep down I know I love him too. We talked about this. He wanted me to give him a chance to fix his life. And he genuinely wanted to prove me.
But how can I, how can I trust my life with someone like that?
Comments
Money issues are a very common cause for marriages falling apart. It sounds like he is very irresponsible with his money and doesn’t have a good grasp on his finances.
Do you want a house husband while you work and support your lives? Then this could work. You’d have to monitor his spending though.
But if you’re looking for something else then the bottom line is that love is not enough. It’s easy to love, it’s much harder to be in a partnership.
>I really need advice. Please. Part of me I wanna leave this mạn alone due to my standards, but deep down I know I love him too.
When you love and care deeply for someone, but they keep making bad choices for themselves, it gets to a point at which it pains you so much that resentment starts to build up, and that is a relationship killer in my eyes.
Have you two ever had serious discussions about this?
if you are looking for a responsible steady partner who will help shoulder the load, this man is not it. He is content to earn very little and rely on others to support him. That means you. I’m sorry it turned out this way.
One of the hardest lessons to learn as you grow older is that there are people in this life you will love and people who are good partners for you and that those two groups aren’t always the same people.
That whole “love is all you need” is bunk. You can have him, because you love him, but, understand that he is in his 30’s and shows no interest in adult responsibilities. If you decide to continue this relationship you will be his mommy. Proceed accordingly.
Am I correct to assume that you have the same standards for yourself, ie. a full-time professional career that brings in moderate to substantial income?