When I (29F) got married 2 years ago, my cousin “Sophie” (27F) made several snide comments at the reception, loudly saying I “should’ve worn Spanx,” telling people she was surprised I found someone who “didn’t mind curves,” and joking that my dress was “ballsy for someone who isn’t sample size.”
I didn’t cause a scene, but I didn’t forget.
Fast forward, Sophie is now engaged, and she just called to ask if she could borrow my dress for her wedding because “weddings are expensive and you clearly don’t need it anymore.”
I laughed and said absolutely not, and reminded her of what she said at my wedding. She scoffed and said I was being petty over “a joke.”
Now my aunt and even my mom are telling me to just let her have it to “be the bigger person” and “support family.” But the thought of her in my dress actually makes me sick.
AITAH for saying no?
Comments
NTA. People who are rude don’t deserve favors IMO.
…are yall the same size or is she planning to cut your dress to fit her? Both options are atrocious but along different axis. NTA obviously, you don’t have to share your belongings for any reason.
“Since she made it clear how much a bigger person I was AT MY WEDDING, she can fuck right off. Keep pushing this, and so can you.”
Oh, NTA.
NTA , your cousin is the real AH
She body-shamed you on your wedding day, and now expects to wear your dress? That’s not “being the bigger person,” that’s being a doormat. Good on you for standing your ground
100% NTA!
NTA, even if you were feeling magnanimous and let her wear it you would be setting yourself up for a lifetime of “who wore it better”? Tell your mom or aunt or whoever else is giving you grief to let your cousin wear their dresses.
The audacity of asking for your dress after insulting how you looked in it is wild. She made her bed, now she can figure out her wedding attire without dragging you into it.
Tell them hell no. Remind them all as Sophie said, “I was pretty ballsy to wear that dress not being a sample size. I am proud of how ballsy I was and want to keep my reminder forever.” Since Sophie isn’t quite as “ballsy” when it comes to clothing as I, she should just go get a sample dress and move on.”
Sophie’s got some nerve! You’re absolutely NTA for protecting your peace and your dress
She can pay you for the dress, but she ain’t getting it free
Do not reward her negativity with your generosity. You are NTA but she most certainly is. In many cultures, the wedding dress is saved for a daughter to be married in later or to cut up and sew into a christening gown for children yet to be born. But no matter what disposition you make of it, that rude, insolent and entitled cretin does not deserve it.
Nta a no is a no.
Actions have consequences. She mocked you on your big day, now she wants a favor? Nah. Let her be the “bigger person” and buy her own damn dress. Totally NTA
NTA, her mother and your mother can buy her dress if they are so concerned about it. Make sure that dress is under lock and key though. Instead, get her a dress box that’s the right size for the dress and put some Spanx in there.
“be the bigger person”
lol please tell me they did not really say this
I wouldn’t loan my wedding dress, period.
F that. Don’t give her a damn thing. Block all of them.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Tell your mom and aunt to chip in and buy her a dress!!
Nope NTA! I assume your dress is boxed now, but even if not, it just so happens to be an heirloom for the next generation, not the snide previous one.
And your mom (and aunt) defending her is kind of atrocious to me. Who tells anyone what to do with their own wedding dress??!! I think those two should be the bigger ones and go buy her her own dress so she doesn’t have to get married in an already used dress, that she probably has no plans of taking care ofor even returning.
In my imagination, she already is getting a dress, but she’s planning a full on cake food fight with hubby at the reception in your dress and didn’t want to do that to anything SHE buys. 5 letter word that starts with b….
You are NTA.
NTA. Tell them supporting family goes both ways
NTA. Weddings are expensive but actions also have consequences.
Please remind her that it’s not spandex and shouldn’t be worn again.
NTA you don’t get to body shame someone at their wedding and then ask for thé said dress! It’s not an episode of who wore it better!!!!!
Take that dress on a horseback ride through the brambles, then lend it to her.
Looked like she made fun out of you being the ‘bigger person’ at your wedding, now your Aunt doing it?!?
NTA, let them get bent…
She’s in the “actions have consequences” stage of being schooled for being a bitch.
Tell her there are tons of dresses at goodwill and savers
Nta. They are welcome to volunteer their own dresses.
She implied you were “the bigger person” by calling out your curves, but she’s the same size? She’s an asshole. You’re fine. You don’t owe her anything.
NTA
What a cow.
NTA your wedding dress is yours to do whatever you want. She didn’t even have to do all those things for you not to want to borrow it, but specially after those things she’s unworthy
NTA– Tell her getting married is “ballsy” for someone too cheap to buy her own dress.
If she can’t afford it she needs to make do with what she can and your dress is NOT an option.
Also if it were me, I would store it somewhere none of your family can find it or sell/give it away to someone else.
“Bigger person???” Are they hearing the irony here?? Bigger person generally is family talk for “please allow this person to bully you into doing something you don’t want to do so we don’t have to deal with her tantrums.”
Don’t do it. Perhaps your aunt or your mom could offer your cousin their wedding dresses instead.
Nope- NTA. I don’t care if your dress rots in a termite colony, it’s yours “NO” . Yes weddings are expensive and it sounds like you paid for one too many guests 😡
No girl don’t let her borrow your wedding dress.
NTA Tell them Actions Have Consequences and them make them explain how the ‘joke’ was funny. Don’t give that nasty person your wedding!
She’s a joke. FAFO. No dress for her!
NTA. Don’t be the bigger person. She made her bed by flapping her gums, she can live in it. Do make sure you have possession of the dress yourself.
NTA. Don’t attend. Block her and auntie. Put mom in a 1-2 month time out.
You don’t have to let her borrow your dress whether she was a bitch or not. It’s a very personal item.
Just tell her unfortunately it’s all stretched out this year,maybe next time
Nope-don’t back down. You know she’ll probably ruin it anyway. Telling them you’re saving it for someone special.
NTA
You just set boundaries and your cousin will have no choice but to suffer the consequences of her actions.
NTA. And tell your mother (who, incidentally, should be absolutely ASHAMED of herself for not having your back on this ,) that according to your dear, sweet cousin….. you already ARE the bigger person!
They are telling you to “be the bigger person” for someone who was making fat jokes?
You’re NTA. Tell them that no means no and they are welcome to buy the person who tried to ruin your wedding a dress, but if they bring it up again you will find the block feature.
Sounds like your sister already thinks you’re the bigger person. Tell your sister to piss off. Tell your mom and aunt to mind their own business
She never should have asked. NTA. Shame on your mom for not siding with you and setting your aunt straight. Do not succumb to the pressure. NTA.
NTA NTA NTA NTA
NTA, and the thing is as a grown adult you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
NTA. Your dress. Your decision. Shut down any and ALL discussions. You said what needs to be said. Repeating it more than once will become the family narrative against you. Do not allow that to happen. Honor yourself.
NTA. Jokes are supposed to be funny. If the “target” isn’t laughing then it’s just bullying
You don’t need an excuse to not lend anybody your wedding dress. Your aunt and mom can lend her theird
Sophie, meet Karma in the form of a wedding dress
Your cousin is a gross BIG B. GOD NO. Tell her only real women, with curves and boobs, who appeal to men fit in that dress. It doesnt fit teenage boys.
Nope and lock your the dress
Lmfao. NTA. Tell them that according to her, you were already the bigger person. Then, hang up. You don’t owe her shit.
Sounds like you are being the bigger person and that’s what started all this? Is it not normal to get a dress that fits or have it altered?
No way would I lend her a dress that she’d been so critical of you wearing, OP. She’s looking to prove that she looks better in it. Let her buy her own dress and Spanx! NTA.
Why on earth would you lend your wedding dress to anyone?
The relatives can chip in for a new dress for Sophie. Family helps family
You are not the AH! She needs to buy her own dress or better yet her mama needs to buy it! She can order a dress from SHEIN or Fashion Nova.
Since when does being the bigger person translate to be a doormat ?
It’s your wedding dress. The only person who should wear it is you and possibly your daughter; only exception is if you donate it.
NTA. You will regret it and you already know if you do, she’ll post a “who wore it better?” picture.
So wait, she fits in this same dress? Make it make sense…
Mmmhhhhmmmm I believe all of this happened, and that it’s NOT yet another regurgitated story.
“I can be petty all I fucking want! The answer is still no.” NTA
NTA maybe some people could consider it petty, i think it serves them right, if it was a less offensive joke maybe the tension wouldn’t be so high but due to the lack of decency shown from your cousin it is absolutely fair to say no.
Tell her that you would LOVE to be the bigger person, but that since she kept making it clear that the dress was sized to fit the “bigger” person, it obviously wouldn’t fit her.
NTA. She shouldn’t have made mean comments.
Nope! I wouldn’t even entertain another conversation about it. Tell your mother and aunt that you don’t need their opinions nor do you care to hear them. Case closed.
Oh look, another AI post.
YTA
Hell no…it is your dress and keep it that way
She is correct, weddings are expensive. Tell her goodwill always has wedding dresses cheap.
NTA
NTA. Not only those comments but what if she were to damage or stain it, possibly on purpose when she was done wearing it. I suppose you could ruin her moment if you did though…. Petty me is coming out, lol. Tell the other guests, oh it looked so much better when I wore it. I guess she doesn’t have the curves to fill it out, hope her husband doesn’t mind. lol there are cheap options if money is an issue.
NTA tell your cousin it wasn’t a joke she was a straight up bitch to you, and she doesn’t get to be rewarded for being hateful.
Good gravy NTA. She is bold! Maybe your family members can lend her their dresses.
NTA. F anyone who doesn’t side with you.
Your cousin is a Cunning Undeserving Nefarious Twat.
NTA but hide or put the dress somewhere secure before it ‘disappears’.
NTA. Maybe she should postpone her wedding until she can pay for it?
NTA your mom is a doormat for not standing up for you
NTA, F that girl
NTA. “It clearly won’t fit you.”
I wouldn’t want to lend her my dress because it’s my dress. Period.
I wouldn’t have reminded her of what she said.
People who criticize your body hate themselves not you. They hate that you represent freedom from caring like they do. But that’s their choice.
Yet another asshole trying to pass of a rude comment as being “just a joke” NTA. Block her and move on. Your cousin can be the “bigger person” and acknowledge her shitty behavior and its consequences.
Not at all, karma always comes back to bite
Oh HELL no lmao NTA. Your cousin sucks.
No. She can put her money where her mouth is.
Tell your aunt and your mother that you’re already the bigger person, as your cousin felt the need to mention repeatedly on the day of your wedding.
You don’t need to do favours for people who insult you, and if she can’t afford a wedding dress she can find a second-hand one at a thrift store. Not your problem and NTA.
NTA
But you and so many people need to learn that “no” is a complete answer.
“Can I use your wedding dress?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I said no.”
Stop giving reasons, it just gives them something to latch onto when they’re bitching.
A simple no won’t stop the bitching, because they’re just shitty people who are going to bitch and don’t understand that no one is obligated to do a favor just because they’re asked. But it makes it harder to fashion talking points for the flying monkeys.