I (16f) live every other week with my dad and stepmom, and every other week with my mom. My mom and dad divorced when I was 2, and my dad and my stepmom started living together when I was 7.
From the start, I have always tried to form a decent relationship with my stepmom, I have always been nice to her, asking her to spend time with me. The more time goes on, the meaner she gets towards me. Like, she will be sarcastic and a bit mean in front of my dad, but not enough so that he can really notice if you understand.
Last week I got up a TikTok, and I noticed the backyard. So basically, my stepmom has a TikTok account about being a stepmom and just not liking her stepkid. She will write stuff like ”A reminder, you can love him and not his kid. Hold on a bit longer, they will grow up and be out of the house soon”, ”I’m not gonna pretend to love a person that looks and behaves like a mini me of the woman my husband once loved”. She also makes videos where it seems like I am mean towards her, using the words ”abuse”, she also uses ”Stepson” instead of ”stepdaughter”. She never shows her face, but the kitchen table, living room, backyard etc is all consistent with my dads house.
I got kind of flustered when I saw all those TikTok’s and I scrolled through the account. I have really tried everything to have a relationship with her, but now I don’t even want to be at my dad’s place anymore.
I told him about the account, and I showed him the videos. At first, he got mad at her and went to talk with her. When he had talked with her he got to me and told me that it was probably someone else’s account, because the account mentions having a stepson and my stepmom told my dad that she has no problems with me, so it isn’t her account. He said that it is probably just someone who has a similar house as we do. But I mean like, everything was exactly the same, not just similar, it was this house.
My stepmom is now angry with me and I heard her telling my dad that if I think such awful things about her, maybe it’s best if I take a break from them and live with my mom instead, until I stop having these negative feelings towards her. The thing is that I don’t want to, I love my mom, but I also love my dad and love spending time with him. I heard him kind off agree with her and I’m scared that I ruined everything with him by telling him, and that I won’t get to live with him at all anymore.
Was I the asshole for showing my dad this? I was just sad and wanted him to see what I saw and maybe get her to stop, but now I don’t know..
Comments
NTAH
I’m so sorry that your stepmom behaved this way. And now your dad isn’t taking you seriously. You are not the asshole at all, even a little bit.
I would gather factual screenshot proof if you can find anything in the background to prove to your father that it is, in fact, your house. Then go back to your dad and show him who his wife really is.
I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. You did the right thing telling your dad. I would suggest making another TikTok account because she will probably block your other one from being able to see her content. Then just monitor it for a while. Take screen recordings and screenshots so that later you can present your dad with more substantive evidence that it is in fact her. She may delete her account since she has been found out though. All you can do in the meantime is be honest with your dad. He has to know how you feel. You can ask to talk to both of them in the presence of a therapist who can help you steer the conversation. Maybe this can get you all to a better space. Above all, keep your chin up and know that it is not your fault. Some step parents unfortunately cannot get over the jealousy that they hold for their partners ex, and they translate that to the children. This is a her thing, not a you thing.
NTA
Do your stepmom is a manipulator. I’m mean doesn’t your dad recognize the surroundings in this TikTok’s? Like you said: the backyard and kitchen and so on??? Or her voice??? Did you talked to your mom about that? Or someone else who knows the house and stuff like aunts, cousins? Someone to back you up that this is your stepmom?
nta. You dad is in serious denial.
NTA tell your dad to look at her TikTok account and get saved passwords on her device.
Wow her level of gaslighting is off the charts. “It said son not daughter so it can’t be me” as if she’s not changing the most basic info to throw people off the scent.
Go onto the videos and comment that she’s talking about you and how sad you are that she’s such an evil step mother Disney would consider it too over the top. Make your own TikTok using the same locations so people who follow her can see you aren’t a troll. Be sad, and upset that ESM has hated you since you were 7. Then post the link on one of her recent videos.
The fallout will be epic. You might need to wear armour and have a large box of popcorn handy.
NTA it sounds like your step mum may have had this in the back of her mind when she’s posting it gives her plausible deniability with the tiktok saying step son, and it sounds like your dad has fallen for it. I know you said you don’t want to stop living with your dad for the amount of time you do but now your step mum knows you know about her tiktok she might not be so subtle about how she treats you anymore if this happens would you be able to lower the amount of time you spend at your dad’s if you need to?
Get a much evidence as you can. Take videos in the same position as the tiktok’s.
You will want to talk to your mum and if you need to this could ask be valuable evidence if the custody agreement needs to be changed.
Protect yourself op, and get lots of evidence as your step mum is clearly against you
Info: has your mom seen the videos? What did she say after his current wife told him you should take a break from them?
If your dad agrees with her about you staying away from his house,as much as it would hurt I would say stay away from them and he will be a pathetic excuse for a father and man , do not feel bad about exposing that vile woman, she is just planting seeds to make way for you to permanently leave when you are 18 and sever the relationship with your spineless father.
NTA
She is the problem, sorry your Dad doesn’t see it yet. Just keep your head down and assure him you want to see him too.
Speak to your mother about this situation. Your SM is a sack of shit!
When your dad is so blind sided… It’s better for you to be happy with your mom… Rather to be with ur dad who doesn’t understand ur feelings and doesn’t care about ur mental stress…
Nta she knows what she is doing she’s putting that wall in between your dad and you
NTA. If there’s identifying details like the yard and kitchen, then he’s just in denial.
“Dad, you’re choosing to be an ignorant idiot. Your woman wins, I want nothing to do with her or you anymore. I hope you will be happy as her childless moron”
NTA. Honestly do a compilation comparison video yourself and plaster it everywhere. Compare each room, her voice everything you can. If your dad takes her side then he’s nothing but a failure.
Drop her tag, let Reddit take care of her.
NTA your stepmum deliberately said stepson instead has she knew if it was found she could say it was someone else’s account.
You are absolutely not the asshole here. What you’re describing is a really difficult and painful situation, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Let me be clear about what’s happening: Your stepmom is emotionally abusing you through those TikToks, and now she’s manipulating the situation to make you question yourself and potentially lose time with your dad. The fact that she’s suggesting you “take a break” from visiting is particularly concerning – she’s essentially trying to push you out while making it seem like it’s your choice or your fault.
You did exactly the right thing by telling your dad. You showed him evidence of how his wife really feels about you, and instead of protecting you, he’s choosing to believe her denial despite the overwhelming evidence. The identical house details aren’t a coincidence – that’s your stepmom’s account, and deep down your dad probably knows it too.
The most heartbreaking part is that you’ve spent years trying to build a relationship with someone who has been publicly mocking and resenting you online. None of this is your fault. You were a child when she came into your life, and you deserved to be welcomed and loved, not merely tolerated.
This situation says nothing about your worth and everything about her character and your dad’s failure to protect you. A good stepmom would never make those kinds of videos, and a good father wouldn’t dismiss clear evidence that his child is being emotionally mistreated.
You might want to consider talking to your mom about this situation – she may be able to help advocate for you or provide guidance on how to handle this. You deserve to feel safe and wanted in both your homes.
Show your entire family. Public shaming goes a long way. NTA I’m sorry you are being treated like this.
Updateme!
Talk to your Dad tell him you love and need him and are scared your step mother is trying to get rid of you tell him you realise it wasn’t her now(yeah even apologise if need be) Then spend as little time with her as you can and as much time with your dad.
Its going to take a lot of maturity on your behalf but your stepmother is toxic and will try to put a wedge between you and your dad you have to pretend to be sickly sweet to her. When she’s mean don’t let it bother you say either Thank you, compliment her in front of you father and be super nice give her no ammunition to use against you.
Then when you leave home go to college you can choose not to accept her disgusting behaviour, don’t make your dad choose as this woman will do all she can to get you out of his life.
I’m petty would probably disguise myself as boy and make a TikTok about my toxic stepmother (but make sure it’s unrecognisable if she shows your dad)
My stepmother Cheryl was also really toxic used to be passive aggressive but me really disgusting things for my birthdays never what I wanted, she tried to put big wedge between my dad and me I was even sent to live with my grandparents for a while, my grandmother made me write my dad letters twice a week and sent photos school achievements and this kept our relationship close until I became an adult, She still dislikes me today but dad and I have a relationship dependants of her
You did the right thing. Your father would rather be gaslit by his wife than step up and protect his daughter. Point it out to him, and tell him to look again at the photos she posted. Then don’t talk to him again until he’s ready to apologize.
Also if there are videos of you talking, make sure he listens to them.
If he still denies the obvious then there’s nothing left to do about it. You will have learned an unfortunate truth about your dad. But give him a chance to look at the tictoc videos once more. Also check the account yourself and see if anything has been changed or deleted. You might want to save all of the videos before stepmom decides to delete everything or to morph it into something that doesn’t look anything like it’s hers.
I know that you love your dad and want a healthy relationship with him. Unfortunately, his wife is a master manipulator and has convinced him that you’re the problem. Family therapy may be the only way to fix the problem.
I’m also going against the grain here, but continuing to gather proof from her videos will not break your way. She will absolutely convince your dad that you hate her so much that you’re either delusional about the videos or you’re the one filming in his house to break them up. If she really wants you gone, then I’m afraid anything you do is just playing into her hands.
You’re NTA. But it may be time to take their offer to live with your mom and just have solo outings you and your dad. Family therapy may help or it may not, just know that if you go to battle with her, you’ll most likely lose because your dad already chose a side and it’s hers.
Updateme!
As a stepmother, she’s horrible. I love my step kids and their mother.
NTA – I know you love your dad, but you don’t deserve to be treated like a second-class citizen in your own home.
He’s choosing to believe his wife’s lies. She’s a manipulator, and your dad is deep in the fog.
NTA
I’m sorry, but your dad is an absolute idiot. You showed him proof and he doesn’t want to believe it. Now that woman is using all of this to get you out of the house and your dad is going along with it. She is getting exactly what she wants.
Download all her tiktoks and go through them with a fine toothed comb. Find definitive proof.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Your dad should absolutely put you first.
how does he not recognise his own backyard and wife??
NTA, and it is easy to prove it. she has tictoc on one of her devices or location is stored…….. also she would ofc deny it. Id say you are probably now going to loose your father at least for some time. Tell about it to your mum as well.
Your dad is so dense, scientists should be studying him
Try and have another sit down with your dad. Ask him why he is so certain that it’s not his wife or home? If he brings up “well she’s talking about a SS and you’re a girl” you can ask him “are you really that stupid? Are you in that much denial you are willfully ignore what’s right in front of you? I’m disappointed in you for being ok with your wife bullying me on the internet”
Let him know he will lose you forever if he doesn’t grow a spine and deal with his wife and her toxic behaviour
If you really want to be snarky, tell him “the sex isn’t that good dad. Leave her”
NTA. I’m no IT expert, but maybe another redditor can help/answer the question. I know that you can get the location from the data in a photo. Is it possible to get a location from a video posted on TT?
You should place certain things in the background of where the videos are typically taken, therefore you could know for sure and have definitive proof
NTA. I’d be asking your dad why your step mom’s solution to you “hating her” is to send you to your mom’s- how would that help you not have negative feelings for her? are you just supposed to never see your dad again until SHE decides you like her? that sounds to me like exactly what someone who hates their step kid and is posting from that tiktok account would want
Forget trying to prove it’s in his house, especially if it’s as obvious as you say. Go through the tik toks and start comparing the clothing in th videos to her clothing. You might also try to check the dates and content of her videos against any kind of event in your life. See if she gets specific enough with details to show that she’s talking about you
Of course she talks about having a stepson to not be recognised like giving fake names on Reddit personal stories.
I would keep going to my dad’s house because me not coming back it’s exactly what she wants, and also my dad’s home is also my home.
I would also try to find strategies to expose her or catch her red handed. Maybe find the IP of the tik tok account and the house one, have a neighbour photo bomb her video, leaving subtle landmarks in your house and garden. Maybe film the exact same spot, post them on tiktok too and ask or call people their opinion on whether it looks the same place.
Men are very blind to red flags because they don’t want to bother themselves with drama.
NTA. Your Dad, sorry to say, is an idiot for believing her, and you know it.
Get copies of all the pics and posts from her TikTok, and do an exhaustive forensic analysis of everything, getting irrefutable proof that it is her, and she blatantly LIED TO HIM. Then present it to him. Get your friends in school to help. It’s a fun project!
NTA. This is insane. Sadly, your dad clearly prefers to believe his wife over you. His gaslighting you alongside his wife should be enough to not stay with them anymore. Write a letter to your dad explaining how you feel, that his wife is now getting exactly what she wants (him without you), how sad that makes you but that you need to look after your own well-being. Ask if he would spend time with you without his wife instead, like a regular dad-daughter day out. If he doesn’t, then you sadly have a final answer. Good luck!
UpdateMe
NTA and I’m sorry your father is choosing his wife over his child. You deserve a father who has your back.
Here’s the tough love piece from someone who has to cut their parent out of their lives. You can not control other people’s actions. You can’t make a relationship work when 50% of the people involved aren’t participating at a similar level.
Protect yourself and your mental and emotional well-being and let your father sleep in the lonely bed he’s made. The fact remains that you’re uncomfortable and your father is choosing to manipulate you instead of supporting your feelings.
NTA, here is an idea. Put something in the background of where she films and the tell your dad to look again and what to look for in the background that you added so he sees it is your back yard. How would you know about something being added to the background if it wasn’t put there by you? There is a way to prove she is lying, maybe that will open his eyes. She just changed the gender so she thought she was hiding. You did the work to identify the back yard, make it more identifiable and point out the change to your dad. He must believe own eyes, doesn’t he?
NTA.
Your Dad is a blind idiot.
NTAH
Send the videos to your mom and more people on your dad’s side.
TELL YOUR MOM. your dad is in denial at best and a liar at worst, and his wife is awful. Make sure you get screen grabs and recordings of everything she has posted. Make your own video shots of the interior/backyard of your house to match the videos. I know you love your dad but your mom should have some custody when this kind of shit is going on in your own house. Dad and you can meet up ALONE on weekends. NTA He complains? Tell it to the judge. Oh yeah and Mom should send everything to her lawyer obviously.
NTA, but you can make your own TikTok account and tag her in your videos. Ruin her online reputation, ya know?
NTA. See if you can get your stepmom’s number and let a friend save it and then sync their contacts on tiktok and see if it’s a match.
Your dad should check your step mom’s phone for draft videos or emails from tiktok etc.
Kid, you really should think of letting go of your father.
If he’d ignore such huge redflag, ignore evidence to his face, ignore what you tell him, let her walk all over him at your expense and would even consider limiting contact with you over her, he’s not the kind of father that deserves your energy and effort.
Let him find out what it’s like to lose a daughter. Let him know that he’s made his choice now you’re making yours.
No one should be forced to have such a vile person (his wife) in their lives.
NTA and your dad has no spine.
NTA
Your dad is choosing your manipulative step mother over you because she’s the one he sleeps with. If you want him to do the right thing you’re going to have to publicly shame him. If he wants to go to court, be sure to bring the videos.
If you want to annoy her, cosplay your mom as much as possible. Don’t be openly rude, kill her with kiindness, act dumb and make her explain her insults.
Make tiktoks sitting/standing in the exact same locations as she did/does for reference.
Edit: Oh yeah and UpdateMe
NTA. Tell dad that he can now explain why his backyard is in the videos. And to stop drinking her koolaid.