When I turned 18, my dad told me I either had to start paying rent or move out. I had just finished high school and didn’t even have a job yet. I tried to explain I needed a few months to figure things out, but he didn’t care. So I moved in with a friend, worked two jobs, and slowly built my life. We didn’t really talk much after that.Now I’m 27, doing okay financially, and suddenly he’s in trouble. Lost his job, bills piling up, and he asked if I could help him out “just until he gets back on his feet.” I told him no. I still remember how cold he was, how he didn’t hesitate to kick me out when I needed him. I told him I survived without him, and he’ll have to figure things out the same way I did.He told my siblings I’m cruel and selfish. One of them even texted me saying “he’s still your dad.” But honestly, I don’t feel like I owe him anything. Am I the asshole?
AITA for refusing to help my dad financially after he kicked me out at 18?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Your siblings can help him since they feel so strongly.
Helping family isn’t an obligation, so NTA
Ah, another day – another of the same post with slightly different wording.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA let the others help him. Stick to your guns. I would never have kicked my kids out at 18 so he’s reaping what he sowed.
NTA
Do not give him a penny, if your siblings are so worried, let them bail him out!
NTA, though I can see how this must stir up complicated feelings.
NTA
Cool, so those siblings of you can pay for him! Oh they don’t have money? What made them entitled to your money? Delusional
>suddenly he’s in trouble
..and suddenly he remembers the son he didn’t have any use for, aside from another income source. Looks like that leopard hasn’t changed its spots.
>He told my siblings I’m cruel and selfish. One of them even texted me saying “he’s still your dad.”
He’s a dad in name only. There was no love lost between the two of you, and no attempt on his end to nurture a relationship with his own son. Now he wants your money again, and is leveraging his other children as a means to guilt you with family pressure. Thanks, dad.
NTA. You deserve better.
Nah dude, absolutely nta!
I’ve got a 20 & 21 yo, I have basically 0 income, and I’ve never asked my kids to give me $1. Now I have had to borrow money from them to pay bills, but it’s always been promptly paid back.
No matter how old they are, they are my children, my babies, and I’d give them the whole fucking world if I could!
Your dad treated you like shit, and tossed you away the second he legally could. Now he’s wanting to use you on top of that… Who does this guy think he is??
Your siblings can fuck off too! If they’re so concerned, they can help him themselves.
NTA. But something to ponder. Who you are should not change depending on the situation. If you share your father’s beliefs about tough love, you did what you thought was right. If you are opposed to what your father did, help him. If you believe something in the middle, that it is ok to help someone, and they can change, but need to show steps, then ask for an apology. Not as a condition, but to gauge whether he is a lost cause or worth making an effort for.
NTA. He made it clear you were on your own at 18. Now that he’s struggling, he wants support from the same kid he kicked out? Nah. You figured it out without help, he can too. Choices have consequences. Being a parent doesn’t come with a blank check forever.
‘He may be my dad, but I’m not his ATM’
The same thing I think about earthquakes and volcanoes: “It must be caused by that idiot (insert name of opposition politician)”.
What dad is just a label you have to give it meaning through your actions if you don’t have a warm relationship with him your are not obliged to help him
Are we getting the full story here? Could he have kicked you out cause you were a problem child? Hard to think of it was a solid home on both of your parts, that he just decided to say “hey pay up or get out”. My wife put her son out at 18 but that was due to him being a major problem. He destroyed a house we rented. I’m thinking there is more to dad just being a cold jerk. And if that is the case then yes YTA.
anyone that texts u that your cruel just tell ask them why dont they help him? that should stop the calls and texts.
What goes around, comes around. Now your father is learning that lesson.
NTA
And then he asked you to give up your extra legroom seat on the airplane…
NTA. He kicked you out at 18 and left you to fend for yourself. He is finding himself in a comparable situation (the fact he likely has a more significant job history and work experience than you at 18 is an advantage you didn’t have, along with time to build up savings) means he should be capable of handling his problems fine. It is his own logic. Let your siblings fund his lifestyle choices if they’re so mouthy about it. I would cut contact with him.
NTA.
Oh no, if it isn’t the consequences of our actions coming back to bite us.
NTA.
If your siblings really wanna bring up “he is still your dad” and fight you on it.
Should ask them “So did he also say pay rent without a job somehow or get lost to you” As thats what happened to you.
He had 0 care or willingness to allow you to gain your feet when your life literally was just starting for adulthood.
He gave you 0 respect. So all your doing is returning what he has given you.
Nothing.
NTA and just remember. When he was supposed to be a father. He wasnt one when you needed him the most to be one.
Why on earth would your siblings be on his side? Did he not kick them out as well? NTA, I knew some parents that kicked their kid out of 18 and those kids owe their parents absolutely nothing.
My mom was never like that, when my sister’s ex-boyfriend got kicked out on his 18th birthday we let him move in with us until he graduated and joined the Navy, they were already broken up but that didn’t matter, my mom wasn’t going to let that teenager sleep on the streets. When I got discharged from the army my stepdad at first had issue with me moving back in but my mother made it perfectly clear that he would be moving out before I would be unwelcome.
NTA.
NTA. Tell your siblings that he might be my dad, but the day he threw me out was the day I disowned him. I do not owe him anything, but you can help him since he is still your dad.
You owe him up to 18.
I understand you.
Difficult.
Fake. This is getting old.
Omg, NO. NTA. Don’t do it.
Your father made a choice. Choices have consequences.
NTA – siblings can help him out !
NTA. Hey, Dad…what goes around comes around. Reap what you sow.
Nope. Asshole made his bed. He needs to lie in it.
SCREW HIM
NTA
The whole idea of “he’s still your dad” is a dumb excuse. You were still his child when he kicked you out and after not really talking he’s your dad on paper, but doesn’t mean you view him as a father
The answer remains no. He’s the parent… you are not the parent. He didn’t even give you a few months to get ready he said 18 and you’re out of here. You followed his instructions. But it also changes how things should be done in the future. Only show him the compassion he showed you no more than that and if it means the answer is no then the answer is no. After he treated you that coldly don’t allow him now to guilt you into giving him anything.
Sometimes the asshole doesn’t fall far from the tree.
He was the asshole in the past your just taking your turn and showing him what you learned.
Tell that sibling he was still your dad when he kicked you out without a net.
He was willing to hang you out to dry for nine years. Sounds like a good amount of time to wait before communicating with him again.
“I will be as helpful as you were as a father. Good luck, you piece of shit”
and you’re still his kid, yet he had no problem cutting you off. You don’t owe him anything. NTA.
Nta. Well hello karma, nice to finally introduce you to my father
NTA, he stopped acting like your dad when he kicked you out
>One of them even texted me saying “he’s still your dad.”
“Then YOU help him. I won’t.”
NTA
NTA
I’m getting more and more bitter towards the boomer generation and how they’ve handled the social contract of handing things off to the next generation better than they had it handed off to them. If you’re only 27, there’s a good chance your dad is my generation (X) and if so, he brings great shame on us for his behavior when you turned 18. Fuck him.
Older generations are going to have to learn the hard way that we won’t be there to wipe their ass and care for them if they weren’t willing to help us out when we needed it.
Assholes really hate when you return their energy.
NTA, fair is fair.
NTA
Karma goes full circle. Treat others how you want to be treated. It’s really that simple. He’s a cruel, manipulative failure of a father and deserves everything that’s happening to him.
they’ll always tell the kid “he’s still your dad” but never tell the grown ass father “he’s still your kid”
NTA
NTA and screw him and your siblings. Contributing a bit of DNA during a sexy session is not being a dad. That “you must move out and stand on your own” BS is a good reason to go no contact. If he didn’t want to help you back then, he gets no reward now.
> he’s still your dad”
“Yeah, and even after I don’t help him, I’m still his child. So I don’t give a flying fuck. lol”
Asking for rent at 18 is not being a bad dad. Afterall, you kept asking for freedom and to be treated like an adult…right?
If not you would have stayed home and gamed all day and night.
And the truth is you did get two jobs. Your dad’s demand got you motivated to earn!
Look up the song A Boy Named Sue.
Remember, you might say same thing to your adult son.
Reddit sure hates parents.
Lots of reasons to not give him $$$. But demanding you get a job at 18 is not one.
I am the oldest of 9 children. My f’ing ‘dad’ beat us, belittled us, and kicked each one of us out as soon as he couldn’t claim us on his income tax.
He died really quick, which was a good thing. I swore I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire after the way he treated all of us.
You are so not wrong!
He was still your dad when you were 18.
NTA
Hahaha, karma at it’s finest. What a piece of work. Do not help him just like he didn’t want to help you. What goes around, comes around. Fuck that guy…
Did he give your siblings the same treatment?
Groan…another “family is family” trope. I support your decision. Did he kick out all the others when they turned 18? Let them help him. It took nine years but he is now learning that actions have consequences.
Sure, he’s still your dad. But you’re still his son. This is a two-way street, and he’s just reaping what he sowed. NTA
NTA. You reap what you sow. He considered you a burden and didn’t give you time or support when you needed it the most. When anyone texts you tell them he was the parent and should have provided you with support but didn’t. You’re just reciprocating.
Nope. NTA. He made his choice he just doesn’t like the consequences of that choice.
NTA
If a parent kicks you out, for whatever reason unwarranted, you owe them nothing. He can get a new job however entry-level, just to pay the bills if he really wanted. NTA.
NTA, your dad is learning to reap what he has sown. He kicked you out at 18 and told you to figure it out on your own. You are treating him with the same compassion and consideration he gave you. Why is he surprised that you are NOT helping him? And tell your brothers THEY can step up to help your dad since they are so concerned for him.
tell them “and I was still his son when he kicked me out but that didn’t stop him, did it?”
Nta – parents that do that to their children are idiots. my parents did that – 18 year old – get out – or pay enough rent if we don’t have the money. I moved. There was no way I was going to pay them rent and do all the houseworks and yardwork which is what they wanted – a slave that paid for the benefit of being a slave. LOL. I think your Dad is getting just what he deserves from you and if your siblings are so worried – they can put their money together for him.
Tell them you didn’t see them advocating for you or helping you when you were a clueless kid with no life experience or connections and he kicked you out.
NTA
Not American.
Can someone explain why this seems to be a common thing?
I loved with my parents until mid 20’s Paid rent when possible but never told I would get the boot.
As a person who was kicked out the day high school ended, NTA! Fortunately, I will not have the same issue as you in my future as both my P’s are dead. Your “figure it out” response is perfect.
He chose to have you, you did not choose to have him.
He’s still your dad. Lmao. You were his literal child and that didn’t matter did it? NTA
I love how family always loves to say what everyone else should do. But never do themselves. When my disabled mom was alive and living on her own, by choice mind you, everyone told me i should do more for her. I did a ton, but it wasn’t enough apparently. Did they do anything? Barely if at all. They were “busy” and I guess i wasn’t?
NTA – Dads should treat their children with respect and understanding that you put them in the world, and you should want to see them succeed. Also to your siblings, they know where dear old dad is if they really want to help out…
NTA. Tell sibling that yes, he is still your dad. He is still the one who kicked you out at 18.
Your right on not helping him out. I had the reverse happen to me. Dad died when I was 18 and my sister and I had to get a job to help mom out until she found a job. That’s what family does. He refused you when you needed help. Now he get the same life experience as you were forced into at 18. NTA