Bf goes to gentleman’s club
For context this is an all mans gentleman’s club (no women allowed) He said he uses for nothing but to network professionally. He gets invited by a client. I find out there are shoulder massages being done by women whilst the men read…I do feel weird about this. He assures me it’s not an abnormal thing and is asking me to trust him. But it’s not that I don’t trust him, but the context and setting matters. Im his gf of course I feel weird about this. If I didn’t love him I wouldn’t care. I’m not welcome in this club, but there are other woman giving massages? He doesn’t really understand where I’m coming from or understand the emotional toll on me. I feel hurt that he didn’t consider how that might make me feel.
TLDR
Length of relationship 2 months. Bf is getting massaged at men’s only gentleman’s club by women. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and is acting like I’m making it a big issue.
Comments
I dont get whats wrong with getting a massage if thats the only thing they offer. But i would have concerns if he spends a lot of his time there outside work.
Well, men only clubs like this do exist and the “men only” aspect may only apply to members, not staff. A massage isn’t a sexual thing in and of itself (for example, many poker rooms have women giving massages to players as they play). I don’t think it’s a big deal, but only you know what your lines are
Would it bother you if he got a full body massage from a woman at a spa?
I’m not sure I fully understand your issue
girl he’s getting rubbed down by random women in a place you’re not even allowed into and expects you to be cool with it?? nah. you’re not overreacting, you’re reacting like someone who has basic self-respect. if he can’t see why that’s weird, that’s a red flag wrapped in a velvet robe.
If these are your expectations of your partners in a long term relationship you will not ever have a happy long term relationship. No partner will meet that standard, and if they do they will grow to resent you over time.
ITT: OP only responding to comments that align with what she thinks.
You’ve been together for 2 months and you stated that you “love him”; that’s a huge red flag, from you.