As the title says, I’m just trying to get some clarity? As to why this girl sent me this message.
Basically myself (22M) met her (26F) at a work conference. Didn’t hit it off right away, but kind of starting teasing each other at different events. we met in April, and fast forward to June at another event I finally asked her out. We started to talk more and figure out what either of us wanted. We are both looking for something that leads to marriage and we both had very similar values including how we would raise kids. Overall I’m here thinking this is perfect. I figure out what she likes and wants from a guy and absolutely wow her on our first date. She was extremely receptive and even went for the first kiss that same night. Anyways, between dates we would text throughout the day. Sometimes a lot sometimes a little. Plan the next date etc… each time I would wow her with my planning and ideas and she would be very grateful. Physical escalation again, making out, butt grabbing etc…
Now to our last date, dinner and then a movie. She was very physical during the movie, leaning on my shoulder, etc… absolutely not a single red flag anywhere to be seen.
Mid week, we are planning the next date, and I suggested I cook at her place. She loved it initially. But then 2 days later suggest we just go to another restaurant. I said ok, no problem. Let me find a good one. From the text of her suggesting a restaurant to 2hrs later, nothing happened. And then out the blue she texts me saying that she wants to cut it off. Just right out of nowhere… Even my friends have no idea what could’ve happened.
Anyways, I thanked her for being upfront and wished her all the best. But I’m here sitting like what in the F.
TLDR: Dates are going fantastic, texting is fantastic, decides to cut me off out of the blue.
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Did you pay for everything? Maybe she found a guy with more money?
The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit. Sounds like she decided that it wasn’t and figured she should just stop now and not waste either of your time.
Whenever people post here asking how to end a dating situation, I always tell them to just say “it was nice getting to know you but this doesn’t feel like a good fit.”
I tell people NOT to layout the reasons because that just opens the door for someone to argue their case.
And as a woman, and my friends have had similar, telling a guy why often ends with some kind of harassment and name calling when they feel rejected to best to keep it short.
Does she follow you on social media/are any of your profiles public? If so, did you post anything potentially controversial?
Another possibility is something came up in her life. Maybe an old ex wants to reconnect or she is having a major family emergency.
She also could have been having doubts earlier on and kept them to herself to see if things worked out. Unless she expressly tells you that you did something wrong, or this is a common pattern you experience when dating, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
Maybe she has a BF and asking to go to her house was just too close to home for her.
No one here is a mind reader. She could have been seeing someone else and chose him, maybe thought you were coming on too strong, or she just wasn’t feeling it, who knows. IMO take a short break from dating and then get back out there. This happens in dating, so just accept it with grace and move on.
Just a tip. Next time don’t wine and dine any girl you meet. Stay strong
Unfortunately thats the way the game goes sometimes. Try not to torment yourself worrying about why or closure or anything. If everything happened the way ypu describe, then you likely did nothing wrong, and that she had her own reasons. Its better to take time for yourself, reset yourself emotionally, and jump back into dating when you are ready.
Could be she was dating other people and wanted to pursue another relationship, OR got back together with an ex. Lots of this could have happened. Don’t beat yourself up – just keep moving forward.
Darn it all. It’s frustrating as hell, ain’t it? But hey, every closed door is another step to finding that perfect match! Chin up!
5 dates bro, not 5 years of a serious relationship. This is a part of dating. I wouldn’t deep dive into anything or anyone after only 5 dates regardless of how good we got along or how much sx we had. Onto the next one!
I understand your confusion. However, this is just a part of dating. For whatever reason, she changed her mind.
You will literally drive yourself nuts trying to rack your brain trying to figure out what happened. At the end of the day, she’s not interested anymore.
Maybe an ex came back into the picture.
Maybe she realized she wasn’t as interested as she thought she was.
Maybe she’s on dating apps and started talking to someone else.
There are so many maybes. Just know that if the two of you were meant to work out, it would have. So she’s not your person. It sucks. Thankfully it was only five dates. Not five months or five years of your time. Dust yourself off, and get back out there when you’re ready.
From what you wrote, I can’t see that you did anything wrong and eventually you will find someone who is blown away by everything you do. As for what went wrong, it could be anything since we can’t ask her. My best guess is something spooked her. Could be your age and she has a time line and wants to get married in the next year and can’t see that with someone younger. My second guess would be that initially she wanted you to come cook but on reflection, was worried it would lead to sex and didn’t want to go there, hence the restaurant suggestion, then just called the whole thing off. It sucks but I can’t see anything to improve on based on what you wrote. Your effort and timeline are appropriate for most people. Good luck next time!
Hmm maybe her changing your plans was a test to see if you were easy to sway?
Might be far fetched but that’s what came to mind.
Maybe you being younger freaked her out.