My best friend (we’ve been best friends since we were 5, we are 20 now), said that her boyfriend of 4 years has been going out and getting drunk every night and the next day he came home with bruises and scratches all over his body, and a few on his neck. My friend said they were light and looked like hickeys but they were light. She completely believes that he just fell and they aren’t hickeys because he wouldn’t cheat on her.
They’ve been having issues and recently went on a break, while they were on the break the boyfriend kept telling her and his friends that he is single. He also turned off his location on life 360 and refuses to send his location to her because he has a motorcycle and says he “doesn’t want her to see how fast he’s going on the motorcycle” but you can literally turn off speed detection on life 360
also, a few weeks before this he went to a “friend’s house” at lam after him and my friend (his girlfriend) got into a fight and it was a house she’s never seen him at before and the next morning he said it was a friend that she doesn’t know and she’s wholeheartedly believing him and believes he’s not cheating what do u think?
The past 4 years have been so hard to watch because he has thrown her Xbox on the ground, kicked it, and almost broke it out of anger. He has slammed a sliding glass door in her face when she was trying to leave his house resulting in the sliding glass door completely shattering, he has called her a bitch, cunt, annoying, and so many other things. I have told her so many times that this is abuse and if she stays with him any longer it will lead to him being physically abusive, but he is already mentally abusive. I have told her that I understand how she feels and doesn’t think it’s bad because I was in an extremely physically and mentally abusive relationship in the past, but she says I don’t understand because my relationship was a lot worse and im like it’s not even that different?
He is ugly, has gained probably over 50 pounds since they got together, and completely let himself go, he lives in a roach infested, rat infested apartment that smells like cat piss while she lives in a beautiful beach house with a balcony. She is a beautiful girl and I keep telling her to leave that ugly horrible man but she won’t and believes that he isn’t cheating.
Comments
Yo, real talk, your friend deserves so much better, no cap. This dude’s not just shady, he’s straight-up abusive, dude. Tf is she doing with this clown? Ain’t nothing abt love worth living in this kind of toxicity. Gotta help your sis realize her worth AND that she ain’t alone in this. We’ve all been there, stuck in a bad sitch, blinded by feelings and stuff. But trust, once she’s out, she’s gonna see things so clearly. Life is too damn short to spend it with toxic people who don’t respect you. Remember, it ain’t a contest of who had it worse – abuse is abuse. Periodt.
She’s not just in a bad relationship it’s a slow-motion disaster. Don’t just tell her to leave show her what love isn’t control manipulation and bruises dressed as accidents.
She needs to get out of that relationship. This is definitely abuse, and it will escalate. I was also in a relationship that was similar in this manner of abuse–yelling at me, calling me names, throwing my things, getting in my face. But, like her boyfriend, he never hit me, which makes it much easier to make excuses for him. What got me to eventually leave was him treating my friends horribly and eventually them looking at me and saying “you do not deserve this and we are scared he will kill you.”
It is really difficult to convince someone to do something they are not emotionally ready to do. I’m sure there is something in her mind that is telling her to leave, but other things are holding her back. I do think the best you can do is trying to have a serious conversation with her where you push back at her excuses and try to open her eyes. She deserves so much more than what he is giving her. I of course don’t know her values, but if she is someone who looks forward to marriage and children, ask her if that is what she thinks of when she thinks of a future husband and father to children. Someone who cheats and throws things and calls her name. It can only get worse, and that is not something I think anyone wants to be stuck with for life or have for their children.
I think a lot of us get swooped up in self-deprecation and think no one will love us or cherish us again, and that we will be alone. But, this is simply untrue. And just because she may love him, he clearly does not love her, and her love is NOT enough for the both of them. Is being with someone who cheats on you and hurts you someone who loves you? NO it is not. And by staying with him, she is only preventing herself from meeting someone who could really understand her, be gentle with her, and love her. The things that come to you after you leave that environment are extraordinary.
If it really gets to the point that you can’t convince her, I would try to get more people involved. If she has a support system, it would make this easier on her. She may not see it at first, and she may hate you for it, but having multiple people who care about you point out the things that are wrong can open your eyes even more than just one person saying something. Personally, I would rather lose someone I love because I tried to do the right thing for them than watch them get abused and lose them because they died.
Also, if you do get her to leave him, please make sure she has resources to STAY AWAY from him and protect herself. It doesn’t need to be crazy at first, but you never know when you are dealing with someone like this. I would also consider this as a factor in her staying – fear.
If nothing else works, I hope you get enough people on this to tell her to get the fuck out of this relationship so that you can show her that this is anything but normal, and strangers on the internet know she deserves better than the shit he is giving her.