Not sure if I can post about this on here but idk where else I would get advice for this. I feel awful for even thinking this but at this point i honestly mean it. To make this short my mom is in love with my dad, but not in a good way. if my dad told me to burn all my clothes she would literally say “just do it to keep him happy”. i’m sorry..what? if they are arguing, even if my dad started it, she would always end up apologizing. she also tries to do things to i guess seem “cool” in front of my dad. like yesterday my dads towel had pink stains on it and he blamed me. he talked about it in the family group chat and all my mom did was blame me. like what? you literally share a bathroom with him and what business do i have with my fathers towel?? anyways, they were separated before and life was way easier, now they’re back together and my dad is trying to force a family dynamic that isn’t natural at all. i did take down our family pictures because i don’t want guests coming into our house thinking this is a happy family when it’s not. my brother only talks to my mom and i don’t want to speak to either of them. I can’t leave yet but I am working on it.
TL;DR: I wish my parents would divorce because my dad is manipulative and my mom is too blind to see it. brother and i don’t talk to dad anymore.
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I mean, thisnsounds reasonable. Wanting people to quit a clearly unhealthy relationship is normal
I have wanted my parents to divorce my entire life. I’m now in my mid thirties. They’re still together for religious reasons but the love left a long time ago.
It’s not wrong for you to feel this way. They’re putting you and your siblings through an unhappy household due to their personal inadequacies. You’re 18 so you’re so close to being able to be fully independent. You got this! goodluck:)
I wanted the same when I was your age and even younger than you are (37 now). My parents are still technically married but they don’t live together and haven’t for over 20 years now. You aren’t a bad person for recognizing an unhealthy relationship and thinking it should end.
Is your brother out of the house? Can he help you with your plan to get out? That doesn’t sound like a peaceful place to live.
Hi. This was my parents. I wished for divorce from about the age of 12. They are still together (65 years now!) which is just sad in a different way now. I love them both, but it was hard to watch and it was hard to live through, and now as an adult I’m angry at how they let it affect me and my life.
The one thing I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was your age and in your position is this: You can’t do anything about their choices or thier life, you but can control yours. and You are going to need therapy because of this. Definitely. Whether you think you do or not. And the earlier you start, the easier your life will be. Your parents did not model healthy happy relationships to you. Even though you are aware that their relationship and your family was not “normal happy family” stuff, you are unaware of all the ways it was damaged you. If you start therapy as soon as you are able to (once you leave, or get a job, or go to school) you can start working, specifically, on learning how to recognize healthy and unhealthy behavior in your own relationships.
How this affected me – my parents weren’t affectionate with each other, or loving, or even respectful. One was dismissive and cruel, the other changed from desperately wanting approval to being like “screw it” and we as kids grew up in this while everyone around us thought we were a great happy family. There was a lot of verbal abuse between them and to us. There was no trust. There was a lot of walking on eggshells. A lot of forced performative affection that felt so weird. Things have changed over the years as we all moved out and got older, But they still pretend everything that was great back then, it’s insanity. Anyway what happened is that although I swore I would never live like that, I kept finding myself trapped in abusive relationships. Or cold relationships. Apparently I had been conditioned to accept a lot less respect and a lot less in general from my relationships by watching my parents, and hadn’t even realized it. By not ending relationships at the first signs of toxicity (because I didn’t recognize it) i wasted years of my life to terrible relationships. This is the one thing I really wish I could do over. Start therapy earlier and you will be ahead of the game. You can only control YOUR life, not theirs. Good luck.