My current partner (21M) and I (20M), have been seeing each other for 5 months. We aren’t necessarily in a relationship, I guess you could call it more of a situationship? But either way we have gotten very close and are exclusively seeing each other. Recently, a family member of his passed away. We knew this was going to happen and I knew he was about to go through a difficult time, but I never really prepared myself on how I was supposed to comfort him. The only family death i’ve ever been through was my step grandmother at age 18, but I was already not in a good place then, and never gave myself a moment to grieve. I don’t know what it’s like to through a passing like this. He reached out to me after not texting for a few days to apologize for not responding, and explaining what happened. I told him that he doesn’t need to apologize for things like that and if he ever needs anything that I am here to help. The only issue is that I don’t actually know how to help. I am autistic and not very good with words, so the most I can imagine myself doing is giving him a hug and telling him it’s okay, but I know that’s probably not enough. Does anyone have any advice/suggestions?
TL;DR: My partner had a loss in the family and idk how to help
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Just be kind and reassuring but not pushy. “Im so sorry this happened. If you need anything – someone to have lunch with, chat with, hug, etc I got you.” And that’s okay.
Even people who aren’t autistic can struggle with how to support a grieving person- all you can really do is let them know that you’re there for him. Check in on him occasionally and just see if he wants to talk or needs a distraction, but he might not and that’s ok. He might prefer space- you can ask him what he would like or how you can help.
I lost my mom earlier this year and honestly there really isn’t any one way to help. Everyone grieves differently and needs different things. One day I need space and on another I need someone to sit with me and just be there. All you can really do is make sure that he understands that you are there for him.
I know for me that words didn’t really help in the beginning, no one could really understand my pain or what I was feeling, I didn’t really want to be around anyone, I didn’t want anyone to see me hurting. People that cared about me made sure that I had food even when I didn’t feel like eating. I had someone willing to listen when I was ready to talk. It helped knowing that people cared, the pain was still there but I didn’t feel so alone in it.
Focus on acts of service (food, chores), offer silent companionship, and avoid clichés. “I don’t know what to say but I’m here” is enough.