I (female 22) have a roommate (female 25) who I’ve lived with for over a year now. She’s been around quite a while within my friend group. When she moved in with me, I felt like we got along quite well. I’ve been with my fiancé (male 25) for almost 3 years and they do not seem to get along. (He does not live with us.) She can be quite harsh to him sometimes with audible scoffs if she walks into the kitchen and he’s making us dinner or just making comments under her breath suggesting that his presence is an inconvenience to her. I never expected them to love each other but their vibes aren’t good. Now with the wedding coming up, I feel that I don’t want her there because of this tension. I would have no problem with her coming if they did get along, as we have many of the same friends. There was also one incident where him and I left to go pick up some food and shortly after I received a Snapchat from her with a big smile on her face, and fist in the air saying “they left!”. (This was accidentally sent to me and we did have a conversation about it.) How am I supposed to go about not inviting her to all of the wedding events, and wedding when some of the parties we will be having are going to be on the property where we live? It also would feel very weird to have her at the engagement party and what not, but not the wedding. I don’t know how to bring this issue up with her, as I think she might understand because I know she’s not his biggest fan. It’s not JUST my wedding. It’s OUR wedding. Should I just keep the peace and invite her, or how do I have a conversation with her explaining why I chose to leave her out of all the festivities.
My Fiancé and roommate do not get along. Do I keep the peace and invite her to our wedding?
r/Advice
Comments
INFO: are you planning to move out when you get married and is he planning to move in? Because if you aren’t living with her after the wedding just don’t invite and know you’ll have a few tense months, but whatever. But if you are continuing to live with her after marriage you have to invite her.
Granted, if you are living with her after marriage you might want to ask yourself why are you getting married and if you are getting married too young, because assuredly you are then not living with your husband as it wouldn’t to move him in if your roommate doesn’t want him there.
Did your fiancé do anything to earn this hate? Have you spoken to him about the situation? The beef seems very one-sided, and im confused about why you would want her at the wedding, knowing how badly she treated your fiancé. I get that your friends, but she’s not the one you’re marrying he is. If i were in your shoes, it wouldn’t even be a question she would not get invited to any aspect of the wedding. If she asks why, just tell her that because of past experiences with her treatment of your fiancé that, it is best for everyone that she will not be included. Plus, since she hates him so much, it wouldn’t make sense for her to be there regardless
If she’s fist-pumping the air when the two of you leave, she may not even want to come to the wedding, but it could still be considered hurtful if she doesn’t get an invite. Look, if this is a friendship that you’d like to maintain after the wedding: talk to her about it. Be honest with your feelings of appreciating her friendship and enjoying your time together, but also acknowledge the clear tension when your fiance is around. Tell her you want to still be friends after you stop being roommates (I assume you won’t after the wedding) whether or not she’s at the wedding and that, in your mind, she’s invited, but that you don’t want her to feel obligated to attend if she’s going to be annoyed the whole time.
But, if you don’t really see this going anywhere past your move out date, don’t invite her. Surround yourself with people who love and support your marriage on your wedding day.
Typically, you only invite family and friends to a wedding. She’s a roommate/in the friend group. That doesnt make her your friend.
Also, I dont think she will mind not being invited if shes excited when yall leave your home. Might be a good idea to start her move out process sooner rather than later tbh.
Ummm yeah I would definitely not invite her after the snap incident. She seems like she doesn’t even really like you guys, especially your fiancé. I feel like it would be weird to invite her with her past behavior. If she asks why she isn’t invited, I would just say that you assumed that she wouldn’t want to come because she doesn’t like your fiancé. Reading other comments, I see that you’re moving out right after anyways. I see no reason to keep the peace when she clearly doesn’t care to.
Will you be living with her when Save the Dates or invitations go out?
Who would you be keeping the peace for? It sounds like you’re more concerned with the feelings of your roommate versus the feelings of your future husband. And it seems like she is the one that has the issue with him.
Don’t invite her. Your fiance doesn’t deserve to have someone at his wedding (it’s also his wedding) that is rude to him. The day is about both of you.
Have you brought up your issues with her regarding this. Sometimes people get comfortable being rude if they aren’t called out on it and then it just avalanches into worse behavior. She might not even realize her behavior bothers you so much.
Just don’t invite her. She’s made her feelings well known and shouldn’t be expecting an invitation. If she does, it’s a FAFO learning experience she probably needs.
Someone that is a roommate (without a lease) should learn to tread lightly when dealing with the daughter of her landlord. She is causing a problem for you and your fiancé and it’s your parents house! How dumb can you be to antagonize the person that can literally have you evicted. What does she think is going to happen, she annoys you both enough and has the house to herself? Find out how to legally evict her a legal consultation is very minimal. You will have to involve your parents as it’s their house. Congratulations on your wedding.
Quite frankly she doesn’t deserve to come and she knows it. If she or anyone else want to be difficult about it and ask you to spell out why, just tell them “she and my my fiance are not on good terms, and since he is hlaf of the wedding, it would be inappropriate for you/her to attend, We also wished to avoid the awkward position of having her decline her roommate’s invite b/c she doesn’t like her fiance.”
Don’t invite her. Seems like she is jealous that you have someone in your life that you are giving attention to and after the wedding you won’t be seeing her much anyway. The thing is this, you are hopefully marrying the person that you will spend the rest of your life with. The person that you will grow old with, the person who will be with you through thick and thin. That is your priority, not the person who doesn’t have enough respect to treat your fiance with respect and dignity.
After the Snap incident, she would have had to move out of your parents’ house if it were me. I would simply sit her down and tell her that you know she hates your bf, so she is not coming to the wedding and not invited to any of the associated events. It would just be too awkward for everyone. You also need to tell her that she needs to find a place to live after the wedding.
Just have to have some tough conversations before things get even more awkward.
I have a different take on this situation. I think there’s something going on with your fiancé and your roommate. Around you, they fight like enemies, but when you’re not in the room, it’s the total opposite. Do some digging.
YTA: Your fiancee is in her living space. She didn’t sign up for him to be there.
So who are you marrying ? Your fiance or the roommate ? Where are you planning on living ? Your planning to live your place or your future husbands? Maybe you should ask your fiance . Sounds like your roommates just starting trouble and drama is that what you really want
Only uninvite her if you’re moving out. If you’re staying there, or worse, moving your spouse in, keep the peace!
“Hey roomie, I know you’ll understand that you’re not invited to the wedding because you don’t like Jimmy.”
An text you accidentally see with “They’re gone! 🥳”? I’d say she doesn’t like either of you. That’s not something a friend sends out when you leave.
How stupid are women, this post answers that.
No don’t invite her bet she talks crap about both of you behind your back I would move or start eviction notices
How often are you and your man at your joint place, and is he contributing to bills?