My friend is getting married soon and I am going to the wedding. Said friend had an emotional affair (nothing physical) with her ex boyfriend last year that lasted about a year. He stopped talking to her as he wanted to get back together with her but she didn’t and wanted to stay in her relationship with her fiancé. As you can imagine her fiancé knows nothing about this. I’m not even sure he knows at all about her ex boyfriend’s existence.
She recently visited the city that her ex boyfriend lives in with her fiancé. My friend and the ex started talking again. Her fiancé left the city a day before she did and I found out that she stayed the night at her ex boyfriend’s house the night after her fiancé left the city. I don’t know for sure if anything physical happened but I doubt they were just playing board games and I doubt she slept on the couch.
Now I’m going back and forth if I should tell the fiancé. I don’t really know him but I know if I was going to get married and my fiancé did what she did I would want someone to tell me. I was iffy on going to the wedding in the first place because I didn’t agree with the emotional affair but I figured it was over and nothing physical happened so I decided to go. Now that I assume something physical happened I’m unsure if I should go. If I tell the fiancé I planned on doing it anonymously.
I’m torn on both going to the wedding or not and if I should tell the fiancé about her affair with her ex. What should I do?
Comments
So I’ve always told myself that if I knew a friend was cheating or did cheat. I would have a conversation with them and basically tell them “you need to tell your fiancé, otherwise I will”
It kind of makes them have no choice, but to confess. Your friendship might get broken, but for me I refuse to be associated with anyone that cheats
I hate cheaters. Giving them the you tell him or I will just gives her time to cook up the story in a way that makes you look sketchy or absolutely gives him the very barest of details and he risks getting trickle truthed. I pray someone would tell me. Id drop dime on my own brother if was cheating on his fiancee
Well you can kiss this friendship goodbye…. Save the man a lot of heartache and inform him before they marry.
You’re in a very tough position, OP.
But if they’re about to get married and you know that she is willingly cheating on him with this ex… I’d say something, but be aware to show proof of this to your friends boyfriend.
She could spin it in her favor. What your friend is doing is wrong. I think she gets stability from the boyfriend, but she is emotionally still in love with the ex.
Be prepared to lose this friendship when you tell him.
Whatever you do, sounds like your not friends with her anymore. The fiance deserves to know.
Your friend didn’t just have a ine night drunken fling she’s been cheating the whole time unless you were watching her the entire time you can’t say it’s only emotional. You know 100 percent that your friend is a selfish asshole. If you have any compassion for the fiance you’ll tell him. He will probably be a better friend to you then she ever would. Do get some proof though
Yes he deserves to know. It is a huge commitment and if done under false pretenses could destroy his life.
Next time you are together just say “I’m shocked you were comfortable with her staying the night with her ex, I wouldn’t be”
No.
I would notify them annonymously with some supporting details but nothing that directly ties you to the breach.
If you try to get them to come clean and tell their fianance themselves, they will alienate you and make you the bad guy. They will turn it around.
Stay annonymous if possible. If not possible, rope in a 3rd party unknown to your “friend” to tell the fiance. Then if it get’s back to you, you have plausible deniability. Oh, sorry. I didn’t want my friend to tell your fiance. I was just asking them for advice. Oops!
If she’s still hung up on her ex this will not end any time soon. Tell him now so he can make his own decision.
I would send the fiancé an anonymous message. I would also go to the wedding if it still happened.
Shouldn’t be torn. Tell him she is a piece of crap. He needs to know what’s up. If you don’t and later he finds out and something bad happens you will feel guilty
Yes, tell him before he gets makes the mistake of getting married to a cheater you know damn well she did something with that other guy you may not know for sure but you know that it did and just think if your fiancé was doing this to you, would youwant to know before you got married?
you should tell him, it’s the right thing to do. gather as much evidence as you can to show him as well so she can’t lie about it. the reason i say that is because if she manages to convince him it’s not true and she finds out you told, she may try and tell her friends and family that you tried to ruin their relationship and this will become a whole big thing that results in you losing some relationships (if you share a friend group and are close with her family members that is). he really deserves to know, cheating on him for over a year is horrible
Always stand up for people who are being cheated on.
Yes you should tell him. She made a conscious choice and effort to connect with him emotionally and now phy. He deserves to know who he about to marry.
Who is to say she won’t do it while they are married since she didn’t get caught now? Save the poor guy and let your friend go with the other guy she obviously wants..
No, keep it to yourself for some weird ass reason. Don’t be a good person and let someone know they’ve been betrayed. Don’t let them make an informed decision about being cheated on. lol
You just said you don’t know for sure what happened.
My biggest issue with stories like this is wanting to expose someone that you don’t have any evidence on and you don’t know the full story. I’m not saying what, you think, she did is right I’m saying if you don’t know the fiancé well, if you don’t know what the real story and you can’t back up your version of events is why do you stick your face in it?
It sounds like virtue signaling to me rather than hoping to genuinely help anyone.
I would definitely tell the fiancé I wouldn’t wanna start off a marriage like that and if she spent the night at her ex boyfriend’s house there’s no doubt they slept together they sure weren’t staying up playing cards and board games all night
If you are willing to not be friends (I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone doing this) then you can send him something. But I would do it as anonymously as possible.
He deserves to know. Don’t be a cheater enabler.
If you decide to do it do it anonymously. He deserves to know in my (54M) opinion, but the other comments are correct… If you do it directly tour friendship is over and you will likely get blamed in some way shape of form.
I suggest that the best person to tell Fiancé about Friend’s dalliance with Ex is your source rather than your self. IMHO it’s just plain wrong to blow up a friend’s wedding on hearsay or gossip.
Beyond that, your post leaves more questions than answers. How did you find out about Friend’s overnight stay with Ex? And how was it that you heard about the stay without also hearing what transpired, both during and after?
The only way I can make sense of this is for Friend to have told you “I spent the night” figuring that you’d know what that means without her going into detail. Yet you claim NOT to know. And I still can’t reasonably explain why the conversation ended then and there. Wouldn’t you be dying to know where this was headed?
Tell him. You’d want to know.
Definitely tell the fiance before he’s legally hooked to this cheating scum. Then if there is still a wedding I’d stay away because it’s not gonna last if she’s having an affair with her ex. I just don’t understand marrying someone when you are screwing someone else. You obviously aren’t ready to settle down and why would you get legally tied to someone you really don’t love ?
Yup
Don’t let him go thru with the marriage without telling him! Save him some heartache and money now. It’s better that he knows so he can make an informed decision…
Seems you are assuming he doesn’t know. Maybe he knows and has worked through it and wants to marry her.
It is non of your business!
I think you have to tell him. You don’t want her “friendship” anyway trust me.
Of course tell him.
Tell him everything.
Then dump her because she’s a shit person.
Yes you should
No
Nah, not a good idea getting involved between two lovers.
For the love of fuck, yes
What your friend does with her ex is none of your business. If you have concerns you should talk to her about it.
Mind your business. Mind your business. DO NOT say A WORD.