My wife and I have a newborn. My MIL is in town visiting to help out. We’re still within the first few weeks and there are all of the amazing moments mixed with the lack of sleep and stress.
I have a ton of nieblings, a child from a prior relationship, and a lot of friends with kids. I have frequently been around babies for 20+ years. In that time, I have never heard anyone use a “baby talk” that is as annoying as the one my MIL uses. She drops her pitch low and kinda smears the words together. So, “who’s the little baby?” becomes “whoshalilbubba.” I can’t put a finger on exactly why, but the second I hear it, my whole body tenses up and my sole aim becomes trying to find something else for her to do so she stops talking to the baby. I don’t want to debate whether it should be annoying, just please trust me that it is unbelievably irritating. My wife also finds it very annoying (and actually complained to me about it before I ever brought it up), but when I asked her to talk to her mom about it, my wife said she didn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings.
Yesterday, when she started doing it again, I sternly blurted out “please stop talking to him like that.” My MIL got quiet, was clearly upset, and found an excuse to leave the house for a few hours. My wife also got upset and told me I was being rude and ungrateful. She says that’s how her mom always talks to babies and that we need to just deal with it. I think that if my MIL is here to help out, part of helping out is reducing the stress in the house, not adding to it by getting on the nerves of both me and my wife every time she talks to the baby. She’s an adult and should be able to control how she talks.
I’m usually okay with sucking it up to maintain the family peace, but when we’re all sleep deprived and dealing with a crying newborn, I think I’m justified in being selfish about things that are very annoying. But, I hate seeing my MIL upset and want her to enjoy the time with her new grandkid. AITA?
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My wife and I have a newborn. My MIL is in town visiting to help out. We’re still within the first few weeks and there are all of the amazing moments mixed with the lack of sleep and stress.
I have a ton of nieblings, a child from a prior relationship, and a lot of friends with kids. I have frequently been around babies for 20+ years. In that time, I have never heard anyone use a “baby talk” that is as annoying as the one my MIL uses. She drops her pitch low and kinda smears the words together. So, “who’s the little baby?” becomes “whoshalilbubba.” I can’t put a finger on exactly why, but the second I hear it, my whole body tenses up and my sole aim becomes trying to find something else for her to do so she stops talking to the baby. I don’t want to debate whether it should be annoying, just please trust me that it is unbelievably irritating. My wife also finds it very annoying (and actually complained to me about it before I ever brought it up), but when I asked her to talk to her mom about it, my wife said she didn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings.
Yesterday, when she started doing it again, I sternly blurted out “please stop talking to him like that.” My MIL got quiet, was clearly upset, and found an excuse to leave the house for a few hours. My wife also got upset and told me I was being rude and ungrateful. She says that’s how her mom always talks to babies and that we need to just deal with it. I think that if my MIL is here to help out, part of helping out is reducing the stress in the house, not adding to it by getting on the nerves of both me and my wife every time she talks to the baby. She’s an adult and should be able to control how she talks.
I’m usually okay with sucking it up to maintain the family peace, but when we’re all sleep deprived and dealing with a crying newborn, I think I’m justified in being selfish about things that are very annoying. But, I hate seeing my MIL upset and want her to enjoy the time with her new grandkid. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I sternly told my MIL to stop using baby talk when she talks to my newborn. This hurt my MIL’s feelings and made my wife upset. The baby talk she uses is uniquely annoying and I’m trying to reduce the stress in the house, but my wife thinks we should be grateful for the help and not try to police my MIL’s interactions with the baby.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA, but I can understand the outburst.
The first while of having a child is rough, so I can understand that you were under a lot of stress. However, if this had been going on for a while, and it was bothering you, you should have talked with her about it before this outburst. I get that there’s other things to focus on with the newborn, and sleep depravation is real, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that your MIL was having a sweet moment talking with her grandchild and you ruined that for her. You should apologize sooner rather than later.
YTA. I understand you’re tired…even exhausted but that was unnecessary, mean and rude. She was hurting no one. She probably did the same with your wife and may be very confused as to wtf your problem is. You should hurry up and apologize before she becomes too intimidated to continue help you out. This is not the time to alienate someone who is helping you (your wife) through this recovery. She meant no harm
Very light YTA. I don’t think you did anything maliciously and trust me I get it with having a newborn. My little girls officially 3 months and man, those first few weeks can be brutal! And I found myself wanting to throttle my MIL for purely existing at times.
Between sleep deprivation and changes in your relationships it’s a whole lot to navigate. I think talking to your wife and giving each other some grace in this new, exciting, yet hard time is most important. Apologize to MIL and let her know the truth. The baby talk is too much for you right now but you love having her around. Encourage her to bond with the baby so she can start to feel comfortable again and ask that she refrains from baby talk. Thank her for her help, I think your wife would appreciate you putting in the effort to mend the relationship.
Congratulation to you and your wife!
YTA
> the second I hear it, my whole body tenses up and my sole aim becomes trying to find something else for her to do so she stops talking to the baby
So take a pill.
You’re not wrong for speaking up if it’s causing stress, especially with a newborn. I had the same issue when my mom visited after my baby was born, and the baby talk drove me nuts. I had to ask her to stop, and she understood. It’s hard not to say something when it’s that annoying, and you deserve some peace.
I get why your wife is hesitant, she doesn’t want to upset her mom. Maybe have a calm conversation with her about how it’s affecting both of you and find a way to bring it up with your MIL without causing drama. Setting boundaries is okay, but it’s all about finding a balance.
NTA, baby talk is annoying and unnecessary. Babies learn better by listening to real words, not nonsense. Listening to that all the time, I would tell her shut it too. But you need to talk to your wife more about this. I don’t know why she is allowing her mother to do this when she finds it annoying too. Get on the same page and put up a united front on this if you can.
YTA
YTA, though I use that lightly as I don’t necessarily think anyone is an AH here. Your outburst makes sense given the context, and as someone who has sound sensitivity, I can understand. However, baby talk is something that a lot of people do when they talk to babies, pets or just anything cute. I certainly do that for my pet or when I see a relative’s baby. So, I think it’s important you keep in mind this is just your MIL’s way of being comfortable around you and your wife, and a way to bond with the baby. Just like how some people with misophonia (negative reaction to sounds like chewing, etc), you can’t make it other people’s problem why you’re irritated by a sound. Maybe there could be discussions of her or you leaving the room once she’s with the baby, or you putting on headphones once she begins the baby talk.
YTA – your wife was right. You came across rude. Your MIL will leave soon, so you wont have to hear it.
I think you should apologize for the outburst, and blame it on sleep deprivation.
Have a heart to heart with your MIL. Explain to her that, while you truly appreciate her coming to help out, you and your wife don’t want your children raised with baby talk.
Here’s the latest information on baby talk:
“Babies learn language by listening to and imitating the speech around them. Exposing them to rich and varied vocabulary is important.”
“Using baby talk can lead to babies learning incorrect grammar or silly words, which can then be difficult to unlearn.”
But understand that if you do this with your MIL, you have to set those boundaries with everyone else, including your family. If you can’t do that, drop it and just tell her it’s bugging the s#it out of you.
NAH. Sleep deprivation is messing with you big time. If you have any energy at all at this time in your life I suggest you Google baby talk good or bad. Range of sources from CNN to University of Florida say it’s helpful for language development. I’m not sure why you find the version your MIL uses so offensive that your wife has an issue too. Like others have said I do suggest you apologise and blame it on sleep deprivation and stress while showing love of her help. Sadly I think you may have impacted your MIL comfort in bonding with your baby.
I have a daughter who has misophonia, so we all get told off for making “wrong” sounds at times. But she knows it’s a her problem, she wears in ear loops to soften noises or headphones in uncontrollable uncomfortable places. So if your MIL is in charge of baby and you don’t have to hear you may have options around headphones or even old fashioned foam ear plugs.
I posted a comment and for some reason it didn’t post. I’ll just leave you with the current professional thinking about baby talk among child development experts.
https://www.expressable.com/learning-center/babies-and-toddlers/is-baby-talk-helpful-or-harmful-for-your-child
YTA
YTA a little bit for not bringing it up sooner and snapping. But I feel for you, those first few weeks are rough, and you’re allowed to not be at your best for anybody that isn’t your kid.
Annoying or not, we didn’t allow baby talk with my son. At all. Their little brains are learning so many things – it’s really amazing when you think about it – and that includes speech. I wanted my kid to learn how to speak correctly, so we only used proper words with him.
I’m gonna say NTA. I have seen firsthand that between my husbands 5 nephews, 4 needed speech therapy to correct how they pronounce things due to his mom and sister constantly using baby talk and not enunciating their words. They all pronounced all words with “r” as “w”. And when I had my own daughter, I found it highly irritating because my MIL only saw my daughter 3 times a year but would do that as well. My daughter copied her and I was so mad because she had previously said the words with no issue. I asked her straight up to stop that because she was learning to say words and she was saying them correctly so we didn’t need the set back. I thought that was fair based on family history and not wanting my child to go through that. For example “are you tired” would be “is you tiweddd?” Or instead of “hungry” it would be “hungiesss” Soooo irritating. And I can understand changing tone and what not for children but to purposely mispronounce words cause you think it’s cute drove me absolutely nuts and was pointless. So I get it and that’s why I say NTA.
Yeah, you’re an asshole. Congrats on the new baby 👶
YTA. I know having a newborn is rough, but other than it being annoying, her doing so doesn’t really affect you. I’m also going to assume that your MIL is helping out. I know it’s hard – trust me, been there, and also made my mom cry so I’m definitely not innocent – but try to ignore it. When she’s around, you could take that time to step away or get some rest. Really, how your MIL decides to show her affection for her grandchild is harmless. If it is so annoying that something must be said, then your wife, not you, should have been the one to raise the issue. If I were you, I’d apologize and just mention that the lack of sleep and stress of new parenthood is stressing you out and making you a little bit more irritable than you’d like. You’ve already told her how you feel about baby talking so she’ll likely cool on that too.
YTA. I understand the stress of the situation but any interaction with a newborn is beneficial. They need to hear voices of loved ones and be sung to and talked to. I’m sure if you talk with your mother in law then this will blow over.
We all go through life interacting with others and adapting to different people, voices, and sounds.
To a newborn, silence is probably worse than friendly sounds.
You are overreacting to something that will only last a matter of months or so.
At the moment, your newborn can’t understand language, so pleasant sounds will be fun to them, and fun is part of growing up.
So yes, you are probably being a bit harsh.
NTA. Nobody does anything regarding your kid that you both don’t like. For any reason or no reason. Doesn’t matter you’re the ones who decide.
YTA. Not for being annoyed but for the way you went about it. As someone who’s also had a baby recently, it’s not an excuse for being rude. You have a child now, so it’s time to learn to control your outbursts and admit when you’re wrong unless you want them to learn the same habits.
Baby talk is almost instinctive behavior.
Soft YTA
Woah, these responses are…odd.
I think you are squarely in the NTA boat.
This is your child and you are in your home and baby talk is both super annoying and not really great for babies (Parentese is good, baby talk is not).
It’s frustrating that your wife is unable of setting boundaries for your shared child with her mother. It’s unfair that you are put in this position and that is a spouse problem.
NAH.
Adult talk baby talk. And it is annoying but relatively harmless. And baby talk to me a wide variety of things. Smashing the words together or changing your pronunciation. Merely changing your tone. Or a combination.
You’re not in the wrong for being upset. But she’s not in the wrong for doing it.
While it’s not a great idea for parents to continually talk with incorrect pronunciations to their babies because they’re helping the speech language centers of the brain develop, extended family have less of an impact.
And I think there was even a study that shows some of this baby talk helps the babies connect with their surroundings and adults.
I’m sorry but YTA. I can entirely empathise with feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and easily irritated with a newborn, I’ve done it twice. But your baby is a teeny tiny newborn, your MIL is probably so fucking excited to be a grandma and she’s showing it with her baby talk. Your baby is so small, let her enjoy talking to him/her like a baby for a bit longer. One day that baby will be a child and it won’t be appropriate to use baby talk anymore. Then you can tell her to stop if she naturally doesn’t.
You need to think long term about what you say.
Yes, it may be annoying but it’s not harming anyone.
The relationship between you and ur mil is likely permanently strained.
YTA for how you handled it.
It’s out in the open now, so own it.
You need to apologize without gaslighting, calling it a joke or minimizing things. You can make it more general and about baby talk as a whole instead of making about her personally, which will make it less awkward. Something like…
“Mom, I am sorry for how I spoke to you. I am also sorry that I find baby talk annoying. I really think we should talk to children like we talk to everyone else. I have said something to most people in my life, but I didn’t say anything to you, because, well I love and appreciate you, so I just tried to let it go. I didn’t do a good job of it and I am really sorry I hurt your feelings. Please know that is the last thing I ever want to do, and I am sorry I lost myself”
She still knows it annoys you, but it puts the blame on you, so she won’t feel the need to defend herself. Chances are she will stop either way.
YTA… but I think if your sleep was normal you’d be ok. She’s there to help take some of the baby load off you guys. Apologize and explain to her why you had the outburst and how you feel bc of lack of sleep and how sorry you are. Because at the end of the day, she didn’t have to come there in the 1st place. Remember she there to help, so use her help however you can, especially if you two need a nap to get through the night of no sleep.
NTA. It’s not rude to ask someone to stop doing something that bothers you. It’s ok for someone to feel hurt when they learn their behavior is annoying. It’s not our job as humans to make sure no one around us experiences a negative feeling. Hopefully now she will stop.
NTA. baby talk is obnoxious. I can handle it for approximately a minute before it starts to drive me up a wall. Constantly while she was there to stay & help would drive me bonkers.
YTA. I understand you’re exhausted but the time it took you to be pissed off and write this post, you could’ve calmly and respectfully explained to your MIL why it bothers you and kindly ask her to stop. Instead, you went from 0 to 100 on someone who is helping you and who you seem to have a good relationship with.
Apologize and literally just explain to MIL what you wrote here.
So she put her life on hold in order to come help y’all and you just snapped at her out of nowhere over something she’s literally never been told is an issue before.
>She’s an adult and should be able to control how she talks.
She can. But again, she didn’t know she was expected to do that. As far as she was aware, her baby talk voice was fine until you yelled at her.
>when we’re all sleep deprived and dealing with a crying newborn, I think I’m justified in being selfish about things that are very annoying
Would you be ok with her selfishly snapping on you for something you do that you didn’t know she found annoying? As you said, she also is sleep deprived and dealing with a crying newborn so she’d be justified, right?
>I hate seeing my MIL upset and want her to enjoy the time with her new grandkid.
So you went out of your way to communicate your wants in the rudest, most hurtful way possible in order to ensure that she is upset and is now so worried about how she acts that she can’t enjoy her time with her new grandkid? YTA.
Congrats. You might’ve made her super uncomfortable around you in general. She’s no longer gonna feel entirely welcome in your home. You can tell her she’s welcome but now she will forever wonder if you’re just keeping another annoyance secret until you snap.
Gentle YTA because I get this SO MUCH.
The phrasing could’ve been less blunt, and could’ve come with an explanation. “Hey MIL, that kind of drives me crazy, and we’ve actually been taught that it can slow down a baby’s ability to learn to talk. We’re asking everyone to please speak pretty normally so he can learn.”
Yta. Did you have any conversations with her prior to you snapping at her? She didn’t know it annoyed you because you never told her. You just yelled.
Go home, apologize.
NTA. Studies have shown baby talk is not good for a child’s linguistic development.
YTA obviously
Soft YTA but if it means MIL stops with the annoying chatter, the outcome would be a positive. Yes, you were a bit rude but sometimes Life asks a lot of us and we are tired, edgy, etc. and things get said that aren’t pretty. LOL
MIL will survive. Just make a gesture to MIL, a small something and tell her outright that her babytalk just drives you nuts and it go the better of you.
YTA until you said my wife I thought you were the woman in this situation because you sound hormonal 💀😂 as someone who gets extremely irritated by my boyfriends cough (no idea why it’s only his) you just can’t be mad about it.. some things in life are going to make you irrationally mad and unfortunately it is your responsibility alone to make sure that you don’t take that out on other people. She’s not doing anything wrong so 🤷♀️ suck it up lol
There’s also a HUGE difference between “explainable” and “justified” you being tired EXPLAINS your behavior but it does not justify it.
YTA
YTA seriously 😂
Idc you’re NTA my mom would tell anyone to cut that baby talk when I was a child because she understood that babies are a sponge of knowledge and repetition from a young age. But say it nicer next time.
YTA, aren’t you also an adult? Couldn’t you have controlled your feelings and told her in private and not blurted it out like that? Lmaoo If adults can’t babytalk the babies, then who will? 🤣 doesnt make sense, but you could’ve told her much nicer, I guess. Who knows if she would’ve listened, but yeah. Lol
YTA, aren’t you also an adult? Couldn’t you have controlled your feelings and told her in private and not blurted it out like that? Lmaoo If adults can’t babytalk the babies, then who will? 🤣 doesnt make sense, but you could’ve told her much nicer, I guess. Who knows if she would’ve listened, but yeah. Lol
NTA but you were kinda rude
It’s better for the baby’s development to use normal words and call things what they are. It’s fine to speak in a lighter tone and use simpler words, but drastically changing the pronunciation of things isn’t great. You should still apologize though. She wasn’t being malicious and is actively helping you
I agree with the no baby talk. But you could have been nicer about it.
Yta
YTA
That was very rude of you. This woman is at your house helping you and you are having a full-out mantrum.
No. Coming to help you does not mean changing her mode of speech because you are too immature to take the good with the ad.
YTA. Your MIL isn’t pushing any boundaries or doing anything wrong, she’s just cooing to the child she loves and building a bond- whilst also taking time out of her life to help you out. If you start policing how she speaks to your child you’re going to impact that bond and she’s going to withdraw, as she did. If she was swearing at the baby, or using harsh language with the baby, or putting the baby at risk that would be different but she’s literally just talking to the baby lovingly in the natural way people all over the world talk to babies.
I have a 5 month old, I would never speak to someone like you spoke to your MIL no matter how sleep deprived I was. Being a new parent isn’t an excuse to be an asshole.
People are going to baby talk to babies. You’re likely just tired and easily irritable and this is not the hill to die on.
Did you &/or your wife ask MIL to come help? If yes, then minor YTA. I have a toddler niece & there are 2 people on BIL’s side who still use baby talk on her; they talk to her like she’s a dog. She doesn’t like them (I don’t know if she’s actually spilled those beans, but my sister & BIL know their kid). Sister, BIL, my parents, & I absolutely hate baby talk. But my family has never said anything because it’s not our place. I don’t think BIL has said anything to them, either; he’s either worried about “hurt feelings” or thinks it’s too late. I understand why you snapped. You’re exhausted & trying to get into the swing of things; Sister & BIL have said the newborn phase is the hardest. I would apologize to MIL for snapping at her, but ask her to please stop talking like that; it’s detrimental to your baby’s development.
Mild YTA but only because you blurted it out at her instead of communicating like an adult. It’s understandable that you’d be upset at something so annoying, especially when you have a newborn so your nerves are fried. But you should have had an actual conversation about it.
For the record there’s been lots of research that shows that baby talk stunts language development in babies. If she keeps it up she could cause difficulties with your child’s development.
Maybe apologize for acting like that and not communicating. Look up some of the studies about baby talk and show them to your wife and mother in-law to get everyone on the same page
YTA. She’s there primarily to help the person who just have birth. Yes, your exhaustion matters, but actually not as much as the needs of the person who is likely still leaking, bleeding, and getting sucked on and who would prefer to avoid having a family conflict.
You have a chance right this minute to avoid making this A Thing until one of y’all dies, but that’s likely a limited time opportunity. You should probably get on that and apologize.
YTA asking her to pause on the baby talk isn’t unreasonable but there was no need to be rude about it.
Something as simple as ‘hey MIL, I really appreciate your help and I’m glad you’re bonding with the baby, but I’m really sleep deprived right now and it’s making me a bit irritable and irrational, do you think we could pause on the baby talk and just have some quiet time for a few hours per day?’ Probably would have accomplished what you wanted without hurting her feelings
YTA but it’s because you’re sleep deprived and stressed. But your MIL is there and providing extra support and help for you and your wife during this time. Apologize for being an ass and deal with it while she’s there helping you. You’ll miss her when the extra help isn’t there.
YTA. You are also an adult and you should be able to control the way you talk. You need to have a proper discussion with her about how you do not like it not just rudely shut her down.
YTA. She’s helping you. You could have brought it up in a sensitive way if it bothers you that much but snapping at her like that is horrid.
Congrats on the new arrival, these early days are exhausting and tempers can wear thin.
But MIL is here to provide support, and baby talk is pretty normal (studies indicate that babies actually seem to like and respond to it) so YTA here.
Esh. You couldn’t have just had an adult conversation and been kind? Hey mom, I’m so thankful you are here helping us so much, and love how much you are enjoying your new grandchild. However, we would really appreciate it if you’d refrain from the baby talk please! Kindly, I know you mean only to express love, but if you could use your regular voice that would be great! Thank you so much!
Baby voice is totally irritating. No one thinks it’s cute.
Your wife needs a spine. Her mom, her problem to address. You and she are a team, you need to act like one. She feels the same yet was too weak to deal with it herself.
NTA. At all and frankly I don’t understand people saying otherwise. I don’t agree with anyone using baby talk to a baby or child in the first place. Just talk to them normally – with a sweet tone, of course. I don’t understand why people use words that sound like nonsense and a stupid voice to children who will learn to speak based off what they hear. It makes no sense.
And I got mad just imagining her speaking like that based off your description. People here are saying your “outburst” was rude. That was not an outburst. You didn’t yell. You didn’t make a huge issue of it. You just asked her to stop. I’m sure it might have been a bit abrupt for her to hear but she’s an adult and is capable of understanding if she chooses to. People here for some reason aren’t understanding how irritating it was to hear. If someone is dragging their fingernails down a chalk board then it’s likely someone is going to ask them to stop rather abruptly.
Can’t baby talk a newborn, now I’ve heard everything.
>I think that if my MIL is here to help out, part of helping out is reducing the stress in the house, not adding to it by getting on the nerve of both me and my wife every time she talks to the baby.
hoo boy, what a mess. You are being rude and entitled.
YTA
YTA. You’re an adult and should be able to control how you talk.
Soft YTA
Sleep deprived. Apologize for being stern but explain that you are raising a person, not a baby and that you
Prefer she speak to him as she would any other person she met. I didn’t baby talk my kids and my older son had an astonishing vocabulary when he was a toddler. He’s your son so make peace, apologize for how you said it.
I do get why everyone is saying yta.
BUT it is scientifically proven that the way you speak to your baby is how they learn how to speak in the first place. It can and will cause speech delays. I also mega cringe when I hear baby talk. It’s gross and demeaning. Children are a lot smarter and can comprehend a lot more than many give them credit for. Baby talking will keep your baby from understanding how to correctly talk. Baby talk is not allowed around my children. Strictly prohibited. you can speak to my children like the human beings that they are. Do your own research and bring it to show the importance of not baby talking to your children.