My husband got a vasectomy yesterday so I (39F) needed my mom (64F) to watch my child, who I’ll call Lisa (11), for the day while I took him over and got him set up at home. When Lisa asked this week why their dad was having a procedure done, I said that it was so we wouldn’t have any more kids. She knows what birth control is and is happily an only child, so I thought nothing of it.
When Lisa was with my mom, she mentioned the reason for their dad needing to recuperate. My phone started blowing up with angry text messages accusing me of discussing my sex life with my child, emotionally scaring her, and making her visualize her dad graphically.
Lisa came home and mentioned that her grandma must be really mad at me because she saw her texting. Lisa said found the whole thing funny and if anything, felt bad that I got a barrage of angry texts.
AITAH for telling an 11 year old that their dad had a vasectomy in what I thought was age appropriate language?
Comments
NTA
Not telling her the truth could’ve left her wondering if something was really wrong!
omg nooo you’re not the ahole! lisa sounds smart and chill about it, it’s YOUR mom who needs to calm tf down 😭 she actin like you showed lisa a surgery video. telling ur kid why dad’s resting for a bit isn’t “talking about your sex life,” it’s just real life, come on now
Did you go into graphic detail or did you just say a procedure to not have kids? Cuz that is not bad at all. MIL is being supa weird. It is funny when you are not the one the barrage is being directed at. Just trust your instincts.
NTA
It’s extremely strange how your 11 year old handled the situation so much better than a 64 year old adult.
Maybe have a conversation about not appreciating your mother’s imagination blowing things out of proportion.
Your language was age appropriate.
NTA
So your mom thinks it’s okay not to educate children about ways to prevent making unwanted babies…?
And she think your child shouldn’t learn that men is equally responsible for pregnancies/how to avoid them?
I would rip my mother a new one if she pulled that shit on me.
lmaooo ur mom is wildin 😂 saying you scarred her?? lisa literally laughed about it and moved on. kids these days know WAY more than boomers think. if anything you were honest in a chill, not-weird way. good parenting imo. NTA
Not at all. You sound like you’re pretty good at this parenting thing by being candid with your child.
NTA. You were honest and not graphic.
YTA…
A HUGE FLAMING BAD MEXICAN FOOD ASSHOLE
would you like you husband discussing your medical care, especially intimate care with someone, especially your children, without your knowledge or consent?
–> HE FUCKING DID THIS FOR YOU, FOR YOUR HEALTH – HE GAVE UP THE POSSIBILITY OF ANY FUTURE CHILDREN <–
and this is how you repay him…
Be honest with any child above 7.
Yo 100% an ASSHOLE.
Yo…. Talking about a man’s coconuts just ain’t right.
Yo hubby is a dawg! Letting his smooth ripe plums getting chop sueyed. Not me. I got da little Jabari’s swimming around in my balls still. Ain’t gonna risk da future generations of me.
Jabari
NTA
My Dad got a vasectomy when I was about the same age (I am in my 50s) and it was simply something Dad was doing so they didn’t have any more kids. It was described as something simple and outpatient. Dad drove himself to the appointment and home.
I really don’t get the drama.
NTA
lol my parents told me at the same age, as the oldest child and daughter, it felt like a relief no more siblings. I have 2 but I helped a lot! But my parents talked to us about sex freely and we never were ashamed of our bodies and asked questions. NTA she’s just got outdated beliefs
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Your mother was being a drama queen
Of course you aren’t. Your mother is out of control. 🤣
But you might want to have a conversation with your daughter about private family business with non-family? My mom did the same with me once after I blabbed about something – just a gentle discussion. It was a good lesson for me.
NTA
They’re crazy. You’re good.
NTA. Tell me maw not to get her knickers in a knot.
NTA.
Honesty is the best policy and when your daughter is older, if she decides to have children and her partner is male, her father has already shown her that good men will opt to help with birth control!
Long ago, my mother was pregnant and told me “how babies were made”, not graphic, but the general idea. My grandmother told me the “stork was bringing me a baby sister or baby brother”. I told her (at age 3), nope and explained the “facts of life” as I knew it! 🙂
My mother was yelled at, and she told her mother, “I told her the truth.”
That kinda reminded me of when my son was about four, I was explaining to him why we were getting our young cat desexed. (a term used in Australia used to cover both spay and neuter) later on my sister was visiting and we were discussing weight gain, I said how It was when I was pregnant I first started weight gain, my son pipped up in front of my sister “well that’s your fault for not getting desexed” we laughed so much at that.
How is being open and honest discussing your sex life?? My eldest is 10. He’s aware that I am going to get my tubes tied after his sister comes out he knows this prevents eggs from getting to my uterus thus no more eggs can be fertilized that doesn’t mean he understands all the mechanics of sexual intercourse it just means he knows he’s not gonna have more siblings
NTA. u didn’t give her details or anything graphic. u just said he’s not gonna have more kids. that’s not “talkin about ur sex life” lol. grandma is way overreactin tbh
NTA, but what’s wrong with your mom?
I only ask because that’s a bat shit crazy response from someone who isn’t actually your kid’s parent.
No.
No, your mother is the asshole.
NTA – your mom needs to calm down.
Shit like what your mom did is why so many people grow up with understanding sexuality and anatomy. NTA. Now ask if your mom is TA.
NTA it is sooo much better to tell a kid the truth and it sounds like you put it in an age appropriate way. I grew up with a mom who was always trying to protect me from things so she wouldn’t tell me stuff but then I’d overhear something or my older sister would tell me and my mom would deny it. 😑 She meant well. So I have always done my best to tell my kids what’s going on, it’s way less scarier for them to hear it from you.
NTA – Tell your mom to back off.
NTA
Your mom’s an idiot. 11 years is old enough to understand.
NTA your kids is old enough to ask the question she is old enough for an explanation. You should tell your mom the more your daughter knows, the more she will likely put off sex. Put as much knowledge into that brain as you can
NTA. My parents told me this when I was a child. It made sense at the time and no one was left wondering.
You are entirely in the clear. I’m 36 years old and let me show how this could have gone. I still remember 2 or 3 separate times in elementary and middle school where my boomer parents sent me and my sisters to someone else’s house after school bc my mom was having a “medical procedure” and when I saw her that night she’d be really weak and sick. They are both staunch pro life conservatives so I’m 99.9999% sure it wasn’t abortions and to this day I still worry sometimes about what that was even though my mom is perfectly fine now. In contrast, they explained her attack perfectly (7th grade) and while using 6th grade language (I was in 11th but youngest sister in 5th) my dad attempted to explain radical hysterectomy. Your mom has her panties in a wad based on 1910s/20s purity of thought and body bullshit and needs an escort to pull her into this century.
Def NTA. Your daughter is getting to/is old enough to know about these things. Besides, it’s kinda hard not to notice when her dad has to lay around with frozen peas on his crotch.
Did your mom know that he was going in for a vasectomy or did she find out from Lisa? If the latter, her anger may relate more to (a) the loss of hope of more grandchildren (b) not being informed by you (or worse, not being consulted). Either way, your mom’s behaviour was incredibly inappropriate, not only because of the content of what she messaged you, but also in how she conducted herself in front of an 11 year old. You might want to explore the latter a little more with your daughter – seeing someone texting lots isn’t coded as angry unless there is angry body language or verbal context e.g. shouting angrily then turning to text etc.
NTA… Sounds to me like MIL is disappointed by the fact that your baby machine is permanently out of order