My husband and I (40s) recently stayed at the home of some good friends for a long weekend. Everything was great, but I recently discovered something on his phone while organizing photos (with his permission) that is bugging me.
There are dozens of pictures from the weekend including several candid shots of Kara (the wife) in morning clothes, hanging out with the group. Her attire was usually a tank top and pajama shorts (more revealing than I’d like, no bra, but that’s just my taste). I can’t help but think he liked what he was seeing and took photos.
Should I call him out on this or am I being paranoid? I’ve saved the photos on my phone as proof which also makes me feel sneaky.
Comments
u have every right to feel weird about this
taking pics without consent even in a relationship is not okay
the fact that he got mad when u brought it up is a red flag
trust doesn’t work if one side keeps crossing lines
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Gross
Delete them. See if he says anything
How many photos are we talking? Like what percentage of the vacation photos were solo shots of her? Did he take candid shots of other people too?
Don’t call him out! Have a CONVERSATION. Tell him how you feel, do not accuse. You are hurt, this is the love of your life, talk to him like you are the most important person in his world.
I’m worried for your relationship if you treat problems with each other as you vs him. It’s always you two together against whatever problem either of you is having.
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Not the coolest move at all, but may I ask, what are your morning clothes? I know personally for me I wish my wife would dress more sexy for bedtime. And I don’t mean trashy lingerie but something like you described is pretty hot. And the only reason I boring this up is maybe in a fantasy way, he wishes you would dress like that, or has asked you to wear something like that?
Does he usually “take photos” ?
Was there a reason for the photos? Was she standing by expensive art work? Or was an asteroid falling from the sky behind her? Were there multiple celebrities around her? Was it all the above?
If not…
Look intuition is not always given the credit it deserves.
Somehow men are so good are mixing intuition with paranoia and then making others feel like they messed up by seeing and feeling the obvious.
“I can’t help but think he liked what he was seeing and took photos.”
Gee, ya think?
I really can’t offer an accurate opinion without being there but obviously you are hurt. If you have a real relationship and you really need to know, talk it out. It won’t be fun but you will find truth and establish boundaries. Your reaction also says something about you…justified or not. Also, people make mistakes and working relationships need to leave room for growth…on both sides. Hope it works out op.
It’s a group. You singling out the wife and feeling insecure is on you. If there were individual pictures of her that would be totally different. But the fact that these are group photos and you just happen to dislike the way the wife looks isn’t enough to be an issue in my opinion.
One question that needs asked is whether or not the husband is one to take a lot of photos in general. If he usually doesn’t, then there might be an issue.
So he took group photos and the friends wife was in the photos.. hanging out with the group? And the problem is you’re jealous of her?
There’s a lot of context missing, was she solo in the photos? Group? How many photos are there where SHE is the sole focus?
If it’s in a group with other people, I think you’re being pretty paranoid especially since he let you go on his phone and organize photos. He’s clearly not trying to hide anything. However, It is probably going to eat at you so you have a conversation.
I come on reddit and it makes me appreciate my life so much. Wild. Couldn’t imagine this level of insecurity.
Well if the photos were all group as you claimed, then honestly, it’s just your insecurity talking imo, and I say this as a deeply insecure person
You sound paranoid and jealous if I’m honest. He likely was taking photos of a group situation and didn’t even realize that your friends’ attire may not have been appropriate…in other words he likey wasn’t even aware of what he was capturing other than memories of the weekend to share with everyone.
Have a conversation with him and ask about the photos if you are that worried.
Then—calmly explain your feelings and what the photos make you feel. Ask how he feels about it all have a convo about photos in the future and then decide together what you should do with the existing photos.
Any demands, anger or accusations are for sure going to result in him feeling hurt, attacked and chastised for no reason.
That’s just my 2¢…YMMV
If he let you on his phone to organize his photos you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Sounds like you are overthinking this by a lot or you have trust issues. From what I gather these are group photos and you said he usually takes pics. Sounds like you are jealous because she was looking hot how you saying it….are you just looking for a fight?? Why not talk to your husband about the photos? In conversation like oh I don’t like how this one looks mean he isn’t hiding it if you are the one organizing the pictures on his phone just saying
Will he send me the pics of Kara? I would like to understand the situation. That’s all. Lol
So everyone on this trip can be in the photos except for the sexy wife? OP be for real…
He probably has cropped versions of the photos and is masturbating over her.
Have you considered not wearing a bra?
You are jealous of her. It is “U” problem. Not him. He just took group pictures. Talk to him. u see her as your competitor. God helps him..
What is your problem? Is your husband a eunuch? Did you neuter him? Are you giving him pills to kill his libido? If not, what do you expect? Do you believe you are so fabulous that he can’t possibly notice another woman’s sexuality?
How’s your sex life? Is it possible he has more than passing fancy for her?
Sounds like it was a group photo. Sounds like some people here are just bashing on him when he isn’t even hiding the photos. She is organizing them
Youre creating a problem because you don’t like her outfit and lack of bra. Sorry, you need to deal with that
I think you should have a conversation with him about it – definitely do not accuse him of anything but maybe express that it makes you feel negatively or however it is that you feel. If they’re group photos, then he could genuinely not notice. This isn’t the same situation at all but someone recently told me that male partners “see what you see, but they don’t think what you think” in a context where I felt negatively about my appearance to express that my male partner doesn’t think badly of how I look.
Maybe you think she looks particularly good because I personally feel as though I am very eager to point out when my female friends look nice, but to him, she looks normal. Once again though, I understand where you’re coming from, and the photos could definitely be for much more nefarious reasons.
If your relationship is built on trust and love, just talk it out. Don’t worry yourself to death over it before even trying to search for answers.
If there’s an issue, there’s an issue, but this act alone, without the context of your relationship, isn’t enough to decide this. If things are otherwise great, dont try to make it into something it’s not. Or if things are otherwise bad, this is a symptom, not a cause. Find the source set your course. Otherwise youre just fighting to fight. Also, communicating in relationships is key. Let him know you feel insecure about it, and let him vent to you in return. Leave it at that and think on the responses.
Its all karas fault she is so hot
Sorry to rant but this truly annoys me. As females don’t we respect each other anymore? Why dress scantily around other people? I’d feel so uncomfortable being around my friends partner or other people without bra or revealing clothing. If you were going to the club I’d understand but to just hang around others like that is low class and tacky.
If it was group photos and her husband was in attendance (whether in the photo or not), then you are overreacting and need to get a grip
Oh there are definitely pics of you in morning clothes on other dude’s phones. Just sounds like a soft swinger group
What is it about women not wearing bras that other women hate so much? Men don’t notice that shit, and if we do, it doesn’t matter. This is high level insecurity
Sounds more like your jealousy and envy than anything.
Your husband is a man and likes titties. Its instinctual and natural and normal to be attracted. Otherwise he would be gay. Just chill and know that he needs large breasts and thick thighs to stay sane.
Delete the photos. He’ll know why. Then for goodness sake start wearing pj shorts and a tank top at home so the poor guy doesn’t have to fantasize about your collective friends.
Trust your gut. To me it sounds like an innocent thing but your gut will tell you more than any of us will. Was she the main focus? Were there tons of pictures from the trip or just ones where she wasn’t clothed? Have you noticed him acting differently around her? I would do as others recommended and probably have a conversation with him. It could be, I’m feeling a little insecure about… or I find Kara’s morning clothes attractive and I’m thinking of getting something similar for myself or even are you still happy with us/me?
Did he take the photos without Kara’s knowledge/consent? If so, then this is way creepier
Your husband might be attracted to women….
Divorce immediately- reddit
Really freak him out. Set it as his wallpaper and Lock Screen
Just ask him why there are so many pictures of Kara on his phone and gauge his reaction. If he’s nonchalant about it, then it’s probably nothing, depending on what he says. But if he overreacts or stammers, there’s something to it.
This is a brand new account. Could be a throw away so your hubby won’t see your post, or could be another bot. However, if it’s a throw away, we all need to know a few things: 1.- when you say group, how large? Were there more couples? If so, how was every one else dressed? 2.- How was her husband acting, and was she paying attention to him, or “flirting” with the camera? 3.- Are there more photos focused on her than you? (I notice you didn’t mention yourself.) Also, were her clothes weather appropriate, or was it a bit chilly for her attire? Could all be anal sounding questions, but you’re analyzing, right? Lastly, if the answers to all of these questions are reasonable, don’t beat around the bush. Be perfectly up front with your husband. He obviously approved of her attire, or he would have avoided photographing her in it. So ask him if he would like you to dress more like Cara both for bed and around all of your collective friends. Don’t say it in a snide, jealous way. Just ask an “innocent” question. Men can really be obtuse sometimes.
If I’m your husband I’m secretly banging Kara.
Post these photos of which you speak so we can judge
Really depends on the number of photos, but honestly, is it just your own insecurity about Kara?
I don’t know, really. It’s unsettling when that gut feeling sets in and we push it away. I personally would not say anything for now. Maybe just converse about the pictures and what was happening to get him talking a bit.
Is this a feeling you get often? Or just now? I understand feeling insecure because I am, too, but I wish I had been more vigilant when I had that feeling with my ex-husband.
Who needs random photos of Kara and a group? Is he going to frame these photos? Make a scrapbook of the visit? Is there a need for these pics other than to ogle? If there’s nips, it’s sus. Also, sus of Kara to prance around in this attire with her nips blazing. She knows what she’s doing though. I would ask the need to keep such pics. Is there a purpose? It’s just a question. If there is defense, then you know and you’ll be better off.
Unfathomable levels of insecurity. He only took group photos of his friend group, then proceeded to let you go through them. He’s just taking pics for memories. You are the one that he should be worried about, you keep saying that “she looked good, she looked sexy”. Sounds like you’re either attracted to her or have major self-confidence/jealousy issues.
I don’t know why every Reddit thread is viciously attacking the woman who has suspicions of her husband as jealous but OH MY GOD I believe you. I’m sorry that happened. Just talk to him 😊❤️ xx
You should definitely get a divorce.
Not for you, but for your husbands sake.
Someone needs to back away from the cake and hit the gym.
That same device has access to an unending supply of photos and video of every perversion imaginable. Who cares if he has a few snapshots of some woman in her pajamas?
He’s just a naughty boy. Let it go.
I am 53f. I married my husband at 17. I used to be very insecure with low self esteem. If I saw a woman that I thought was attractive or dressed like you have described, I would have probably had the same feelings you are having. Over the years I have come to appreciate my beauty and embrace my flaws. My thought today would be “good for her, she looks great and feels confident” we are still married and If I notice him admiring a woman, I always throw my 2 cents in. If she is fit, I agree that she has a great body and probably works hard for it. If I think she is ugly, I ask him what happened to his good taste 😜 I am not saying you are insecure, just throwing this out there.