I (33F) have been w my boyfriend (29M) for 6 months now. We live together and we are both pretty happy overall – renovating a house together, I cook for him 3 meals a day, we both work, have hobbies etc. we don’t have any kids but want to start trying soon. I know we haven’t been together long but we are very chill calm people and went into this with the idea of “let’s act as if we would be together forever and if we don’t make it, no problem, we can always end it” which was good for us because it alleviated any pressure.
the issue is that I like really masculine men and he’s masculine in a lot of ways but not in others. I’m okay with that but it greatly affects my sexual attraction to him. Overall he wants to have sex way more than I do. I still like having sex with him but I’m often not super turned on like he is so mentally I’m like yes but my body doesn’t respond as much (if you get what I mean). And there’s soooo much good in our relationship that it seems silly to end it over something like that? Because I’m not unhappy otherwise. I guess I wanted to know your thoughts on how important sex is vs all the other things or if anyone else experiences the same?
Overall just leaves me feeling weirdly guilty that I’m not as sexually attracted – kind of like I’m lying because there is nothing good to come of telling him that – I just am sexually attracted to super masculine men. And he’s simply not like that. So telling him that would be destructive.
I think part of this is also feeling as though im settling by not finding the full sexual attraction thing. But also I’ve had the intense sexual attraction without all the other things and that’s not good either.
Any thoughts would be appreciated x
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The relationship is still new. Maybe you should find someone more compatible. However if you are attracted, everything else is right. You could bring it up, in a very very careful manner. He could workout, dress differently, or overall work towards something you’re looking for. It’s also worth noting you’re heading into your mid thirties, and having kids is probably becoming a priority, and looks fade, so perhaps the things he does bring to the table are more important in this case.
Why are you with someone that you don’t feel the same of level of maturity? Not questioning or judging… genuinely curious for my own reasons?
How important is marriage and kids to you? Sounds like you have a good thing going for you with him. You’ll always have that craving. I have it also but I’m single and that’s one reason why. No one will ever check off all the boxes but if you really love him, I would stick with him that is if you’re both on the same page. I’m 34F and I’ve always known I won’t ever settle. And since I was 28 I realized the Hollywood marriage and kids image and reality aren’t for me. But to each their own. Listen to your intuition.
Not to be this person, but six months in- living together and thinking of kids feels like speed running the relationship. You’re experiencing the first roadblock in your relationship. Maybe you can work through it, maybe you can’t. That’s something only open and honest communication will determine.
But even so it’s the FIRST roadblock. Please work through at least a couple more before committing to raising a child together. Maybe it is as perfect as you feel right now, but for the love of anything make sure. I’ve spent more time contemplating a new mattress than you’ve spent with the potential father of a human being.
How do you define masculinity? It sounds like your definition of that is very stereotypical and limited, tbh.
Honestly it will turn into resentment in the long run, either you talk to him respectfully and let him see if its worth it for him to continue the relationship or not on his end, because if my significant other talked to me and said I’m not masculine enough and they are not turned on ever with sex? Id just leave, there is no compatibility because sex in a relationship is extremely important for many reasons . You mentioned in a response to someone else that he is working out and is handsome just he is not your type of masculine, I think you know he is the safe option so you are settling in a way. You will not find mr masculine who dominates at work making more than you and also someone as amazing as this guy as you say he is. Its always a trade off scenario. But maybe one day you would find mr perfect for you.. just its not this guy . Are you willing to settle or go look for mr perfect in your eyes.
Do u mind defining ur version of masculinity in brief… I wanna know who I can compare it to so that I can get a picture of it …
Honestly most girls complain about toxic masculinity but deep down they want it so I was wondering if that could be the case … If I’m wrong…my bad