I have had a thing for my coworker, Zach, for a few months now and i don’t think its going anywhere. When he first started working there about 4 months ago, i instantly thought he was cute. We both work at a bakery, him in janitorial and i work in the bread. When i had extra bread, i would give it to him as an excuse to talk to him. We got to talking about little things like our weekend, or how our day has been going. Im not the biggest flirter, but i tried my best and it seemed to work at first. Ive brought him homemade soup and homeade cookies that he said were delicious. Eventually he opened up to me about his personal life. He told me about him getting arrested, losing his teeth, being an addict, his family stuff, and him currently living in his car. Heavyyy stuff. He’s kind of quiet, and keeps to himself, so knowing i was one of the only people he would talk to i thought i had a chance.
Now im a bigger woman, and im not that attractive, so at the start i didnt expect anything to happen. Usually men ignore me but i was hoping so bad that he was different.
Last weekend i gathered up all of my courage and i asked him out to the town fair. It happens once a year for 4 days. To my surprise he said maybe. He said he had a family reunion thing in a different state and if he was back in time he would text me, or the next day. So i went out, bought a new outfit, and waited for his text. Absolutely nothing. Eventually i got up to go by myself but it ended up closing early on the last day so i was unable to go.
Although we saw each other at work earlier this week, we didnt speak to each other. He just stared at me and nodded. We didnt talk until yesterday when i offered him bread, and for the first time he said no. He lost his teeth and wouldn’t have been able to eat it.
Today, i asked him if he still would want bread from me, and he said no. I said “oh… well that has been my excuse to talk to you for the past like 4 months” and he pretty much ignored that and told me to have a good night.
Now i think i messed everything up by asking him out. I thought we were at least friends but now i feel stupid, like i misread everything. Ive never judged him for his situation, but i cant help but feel awful about this rejection. I do adore him, hes kind, calm and like the coolest person ever, and if he just wanted to be just friends that would be more than okay. But he is so different towards me now. And i know im kind, and i have my own apartment and car at my age, we get along so great so the only reason that i can think of why he would reject me is because of my looks. I feel like ive put all my preferences aside just to be rejected because of how i look.
The last thing i want to do is make him uncomfortable, and i dont want to add more to his plate. Is there any way i can salvage the relationship even if it means just being friends? If not, how do i move on from him? Any advice is appreciated
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Nah. You didn’t “ruin” everything. Just give him space and concentrate on your work. Btw I also want to say that was really cool of you to take the initiative with him to see if you guys can be romantically link and to ask him out. Not many girls do that.
You messed up nothing by talking to him. You tried your luck, and contrary to what romance on tv might suggest, sometimes the other person just isn’t interested. It doesn’t make him a bad guy or you less worthy of someone great, it is just that things don’t work out.
He’s likely avoiding you to give you space to get over him because frankly, you can’t be friends with someone you have a non-reciprocated crush on. It would just stop you in your personal growth because there would always be a part of you waiting for him to change his mind.
The most mature thing you can do, is give him the space he wants, do your own thing and stop analyzing his every move / word in the hopes of getting a sign.
It just happens, it isn’t your looks.You two are just not meant to be.