I’m gonna start off by giving some background:
I’m a second year uni student, and I earn ~4K a month as a tutor, and have a decent amount saved up from my warehouse and fast food job. I pay for my own uni fees, and don’t really rely on my parents in terms of financial needs.
My parents are well to do and both parents make 6 figures, however are very stingy with their money. I invest 50% into ETF’s and “play around” with 20% in crypto and other stocks.
For the past year, my parents have been taking 800 dollars from me each month, saying that they are taking it because they raised me and it’s their right to take my money. I don’t mind it, however the rest of the money which I have is tightly monitored. “Spending too much”, “eating out too much”, “too many gym expenses”. I don’t really go out too much with a busy schedule, but when I do go out, I like to enjoy, as it’s usually like once or twice a month. And I eat out once a week when I’m at uni, with gym and supplements costing ~$50 a month.
It’s getting quite annoying, because I’m trying to save up to buy a new car (parents don’t let me touch theirs), as well as the fact that despite me giving them all this money, I’m still not allowed to go on trips and stuff with friends, and it sucks because i have to pay for things which they can’t find out (gifts for my girlfriends, flights to see my girlfriend etc, we’re long distance) in cash, which I’m often low on.
I want to figure out how to talk to them about this money, because i am sure their parents never asked for money, especially that much. It’s just annoying that even my minimal spending habits lead to arguments, especially when people my age are spending much more than me.
TL;DR : how do I bring up the convo of my parents taking my money being annoying to them?
Thanks in advance for the answers!
Edit: I want to add, I never grew up with luxurious, didn’t have a laptop till I bought one myself with my first job, and the “bare minimum” which I buy myself is a luxury to them. It’s getting kinda annoying as I’m just trying to get the bare minimum in the day and age, it’s not like all I wear is designer etc.
Comments
You’re an adult. Why do they even have access to your money? Can you move out?
Just start your own bank account. You can start one with Monzo in a few minutes online. Transfer your money out of the shared account and into Monzo, and then contact your work and have them deposit money into the new account instead. That’s the simplest way to fix the material issues here. However, discussing things with your parents is going to be more difficult – I would change the account first, tell them after, and explain you are an adult who needs to have privacy in your spending habits.
Also, it’s 100% weird that they take 800 from you every month when they no longer pay for your life. Its a parent’s job to raise a child and pay for them, and they don’t need to be recouping any of that from you in adulthood. Especially if they make a lot of money and are young and healthy.
They are stealing your money. After 18 unless they paid for your college and living expenses for university. Then it’s up to you to do your best
That is a huge boundary violation tbh and not justifiable at all. It is your money that you are earning. They chose to birth you, you don’t owe them financial payment for raising you, it’s literally their human responsibility. Helping them out if they were genuinely in need would be different and only okay if you were able and willing to do so and they weren’t taking advantage. If you want to be kind and have the conversation, you could start with ‘As I’m an adult and I am fully financially independent, I want to talk to you about the money you are asking me for and how much oversight you have into my finances which I am fully capable of managing independently, and I no longer feel that paying you and letting you control my spending is appropriate.’ But personally I would just get a new bank account, transfer all of my outgoings and income to that account, and not give them access, and cut off the payments. They have no right to your money and no right to control your spending. Good luck!
There is no justifiable reason they’re taking your money. Stop giving them. Sounds like they’re manipulative narcissists.