Alright, this is gonna be a rollercoaster. All names are obviously fake. Cory is a streamer as well.
My friend Cory(24) met Rose(23) through my(33) stream community. Rose is married and is in a poly relationship. Cory had gotten out of a 5 year relationship and had been single for a few months. Rose started talking to Cory to try to be friends with benefits and sent him unsolicited nudes via snapchat with the caption “my husband wanted you to see these.” He was uncomfortable and told Rose that he couldn’t be in a relationship because he didn’t want to be a in a polyamorous relationship. He said that he wanted to be friends. After that, Rose was aggressively rude to Cory during streams and in discord. It took a week or so but things calmed down. They talked it out.
Fast forward to a few months later, Rose is starting to be extremely territorial about Cory again. Any time that someone tried to get close to Cory, Rose would lash out passively aggressively via discord DMs to Cory during his streams. Rose was upset because she still wanted to be in a relationship with Cory. She said that Cory led her on, despite being told that he wasn’t interested. She wasn’t listening to him, and Cory asked me to tell her to back off.
So I did, probably a little too harshly. I told Rose through discord DMs and said that she was pressuring Cory into a relationship that he didn’t want and it was predatory behavior.
“I know for a fact he clearly stated his boundaries and you manipulating the situation to make him the bad guy when he isn’t at all is not okay. That is disgusting behavior and honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself. You want your boundaries respected but you won’t respect other people’s.
Forcing poly on someone who is not poly is disgusting behavior. Cory stated he wanted to be friends. I saw the messages. You should be ashamed of yourself. Telling people you’re crying over this instead of apologizing is manipulation and extra not okay. That only makes people feel bad for you and adds nothing to mend the situation. Getting pity apologies doesn’t do anything to help. I think you need to reevaluate how you to talk to people and think about how you would want to be talked to.”
I also told her that she shouldn’t use the stream communities as a dating pool because there are underage kids on Twitch and she probably wouldn’t find out until it was too late. She exploded at me, and told me that I was harboring an unsafe community. Since this has happened, she has messaged me on discord, through both my emails, through her husband and god knows what else to try to tell me I’m an asshole and Rose’s “therapist” has diagnosed me with all kind of mental disorders.
So, AITA for calling Rose out for doing what she did?
Edit: Added how I called Rose out on their behavior via discord DMs for clarification
Comments
NTA. Rose sounds like a major red flag tbh. Cory set his boundary and she ignored it MULTIPLE times, then tried to guilt him when he didn’t want her?? That’s not poly, that’s just toxic. Also the therapist thing? That’s straight up manipulative af. You did the right thing callin her out
If we simplify the situation, it basically boils down to she is in a poly relationship. She asked him to be in it, and he didn’t accept and tried to block others or force him into being into it.
She’s the AH trying to force someone into a relationship. We’re not too clear on how you told her how to back off, etc, but from what we know yeah NO not the AH.
Respecting boundaries isn’t optional, and calling out manipulative behavior isn’t cruelty, it’s protection. You didn’t overstep. You stood up when someone else couldn’t.
NTA.
It sounds like Rose is someone who needs to be blocked from the community for this behaviour? You and your husband should maybe consider blocking her number too? Her going to him in this situation is telling of how quickly this could spiral into harassment.
Between the predatory behaviour, the unsolicited material, and the diagnosis no therapist would ever even attempt to give, she’s clearly causing problems.
Cory should report the sexual harassment to the mods
nta
NTA. Cory made his boundaries clear from the start. Rose ignoring that and pushing her agenda is manipulative, not romantic. You just said what everyone else was thinking
Absolutely NTA. I’d also be furious if someone did this to my friend. Boundaries were clear and Rose kept crossing them. Calling that out isn’t harsh it’s protecting someone who was being manipulated.
You did the right thing given the context but imo you shouldn’t expect honorable behavior from someone who’s in a polyamorous relationship.
NTA bro. Like, she clearly crossed a line. Sending nudes and blaming it on her husband? Wtf. That’s manipulative af. You were just protecting your friend and being blunt about it. Maybe the message was harsh, but tbh she needed to hear it. People like that twist stuff when they don’t get their way
Rose has got rapist tendencies. No means continue. Poor Cory.
I need additional info if possible?
Why not report her account ? Or ban from server etc? Why let her stay?
Yes OP YTA, you should be happy and supportive of rose. Seriously?
NTA