My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit. We live together and have different rooms, however, she sleeps in my bed 99% of the time. Every now and then when she’s on her period, I’ll find bloodstains on my bed. Usually on the sheets, and on the mattress as well. I get that accidents happen, and I’ve never made a big deal out of it the first couple times. But what’s frustrating is that she doesn’t clean it up and just leaves me to deal with it. My mattress has been stained by her at least 5 times in less than a year and she has never once attempted to clean it.
Last night she was complaining about period cramps and this morning I woke up to a big blood stain on the sheets and mattress, I asked her if she wore a pad last night before going to bed. She said no, so I asked her very kindly to please try to wear one if she knew she’s on her period because she keeps bleeding on the bed. She got visibly annoyed at me saying this and told me I can’t expect her to do that since cramps can come days before her period starts. She just kind of brushed it off like it’s no big deal. Meanwhile, I’m the one stuck cleaning the blood and having yet another stain on my mattress.
For the record, I’m not grossed out by periods , I understand they’re a normal part of life but I feel like this is more about common courtesy. If I bled on her things, I’d feel obligated to clean it or at least apologize.
So, AITA for being upset about this? Should I let it go, or is it fair to expect her to take a little more responsibility for the mess? Is it normal for women to bleed on their sheets this frequently?
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My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit. We live together and have different rooms, however, she sleeps in my bed 99% of the time. Every now and then when she’s on her period, I’ll find bloodstains on my bed. Usually on the sheets, and on the mattress as well. I get that accidents happen, and I’ve never made a big deal out of it the first couple times. But what’s frustrating is that she doesn’t clean it up and just leaves me to deal with it. My mattress has been stained by her at least 5 times in less than a year and she has never once attempted to clean it.
Last night she was complaining about period cramps and this morning I woke up to a big blood stain on the sheets and mattress, I asked her if she wore a pad last night before going to bed. She said no, so I asked her very kindly to please try to wear one if she knew she’s on her period because she keeps bleeding on the bed. She got visibly annoyed at me saying this and told me I can’t expect her to do that since cramps can come days before her period starts. She just kind of brushed it off like it’s no big deal. Meanwhile, I’m the one stuck cleaning the blood and having yet another stain on my mattress.
For the record, I’m not grossed out by periods , I understand they’re a normal part of life but I feel like this is more about common courtesy. If I bled on her things, I’d feel obligated to clean it or at least apologize.
So, AITA for being upset about this? Should I let it go, or is it fair to expect her to take a little more responsibility for the mess? Is it normal for women to bleed on their sheets this frequently?
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INFO: Just gotta understand why you don’t just sleep in her bed around the time she usually gets her period.
This just seems too easy to solve.
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> I asked her to be mindful about her leaving blood stains on my bed. I may be the asshole because periods are a normal part of life and maybe I should not be faced by this happening
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>Is it normal for women to bleed on their sheets this frequently?
It isn’t about normalcy. Accidents can happen. They can be more frequent if the period is heavy, or if enough attention isn’t paid.
The red flag is that not only she doesn’t pay attention but she also has you cleaning up the mess. One could say that she is in so much pain she can’t take care of it herself, but is this the case? You know, not us. And not even apologizing? This is an huge red flag.
NTA. That’s irresponsable of her.
Nope.
NTA. The title almost got me, but reading through it’s clear that her bleeding on the bed isn’t the issue so much as her refusing to clean up after herself. If she doesn’t want to, maybe she can just have your room with that stained mattress and you can sleep in her room.
NTA, You can buy a waterproof mattress cover for the bed to avoid staining the mattress at least.
NTA, what adult woman doesn’t clean up after herself after she has an accident in bed? Also OP, go get a waterproof mattress cover (the kind that protects from bed bugs and zips close). Then any accidents you just ask her to wash the sheets and cover and your mattress is protected.
NTA because it is her mess to clean. If she bleeds OK, accidents happen but that she gives zero shits about at least helping you clean it afterwards does not speak well for her. Imagine you would leave skid marks on her sheets and just tell her to deal with that on her own. Not cool. It’s not about shaming or blaming anyone, just a matter of respect.
NTA.
I always place a thick towel on my bed to avoid any bloodstains on my mattress. Could your girlfriend do that?
EDIT: I also wear pads while sleeping! I really should have included that!
NTA. It’s her responsibility to clean it up, letting this slide will only make you the more frustrated each time it happens when you could just set that boundary with her now and avoid problems in the future.
Just punish her for it.
Absolutely foul, but everyone should be using a mattress cover
NTA. While “overnight murder scenes” happen and can’t be helped by those who bleed heavily, it sounds like she isn’t even trying (yes, wear a pad when cramps start) and she should be cleaning up after herself. Periods suck but it is just part of life half of the population has to deal with for half our lives.
NTA Periods can be irregular and sometimes women can have cramps for days before the period comes. So if she doesn’t want to wear pad for night maybe period underwear could help? But nobody wants to have stained mattress this often, she should take steps to avoid this.
NTA I would get a reusable waterproof bed pad thing.
They have them at target or anywhere else. It can just be thrown in the wash and will protect your mattress and sheets.
If she is upset about it, you should rethink what type of person she is.
NTA, it’s basic decency to clean up after yourself unless it’s an emergency.
I’ve had periods for 35 years and never once expected someone to clean up for me. If pads are uncomfortable for nights, period underwear work great.
NTA. I have endometriosis and PCOS. My periods are extremely painful, sometimes irregular and extremely extremely heavy. Im talking, I have to triple up overnight pads. I occasionally still bleed over the pads but only enough to get on my pajamas or underwear. I’ve never bled on the bed, couch etc because I do what I need to in order to prevent that. If I start cramping and I think my period may be coming, I wear a thin pad or a panty liner until it does. She has a personal responsibility to deal with her lady time, not you. And if I did bleed over, I wouldn’t be forcing my partner to clean it. Most women aren’t out here just free-bleeding on things just because we can’t predict our period. If she doesn’t want to wear a pad or panty liner in the week before her period comes, maybe she could get some period panties. Period panties are designed to carry several tampons worth of blood and are comfortable and discreet
NTA as she should be cleaning/helping clean up any stains but YTA if you actually phrased it as asking for her to be more ‘mindful about her bleeding’ like it is something anyone has any control over!
NTA she needs to be cleaning up after herself at the very least. I can’t imagine leaving period blood on someone else’s bed for them to clean up.
Get a mattress cover and maybe a separate set of sheets for when she spends the night that you don’t mind getting stained in case you arent able to get the blood out. (Hydrogen peroxide almost always works, especially if you let it soak for a few hours, washing in cold water will also help prevent stains when it comes to blood.)
NTA. Uncertain starts are why panty liners exist. Her excuse for not using a product is weird. Also, her not cleaning up after herself is immature.
I’ve had my period for over 35 years. The only time I bleed onto the bedding is if it’s unusually heavy and I leak through the sides. This happens less than once a year, when I had more frequent cycles due to age at some point.
I’ve bled like this by accident, too. Sometimes, my cycles aren’t normal and I’ll go to sleep without a pad on because I’m not bleeding. By morning time, I will feel pressure and try to stand up w/o leaving blood behind. But, that shit will run out of me before I can make it to the bathroom ☠️☠️. It doesn’t help that I’m a heavy bleeder here and there. I’ve left blood trails like it was a crime scene, and we have tan/beige carpeted floor throughout the house [except for bathrooms and kitchen]. I would say, you two can work through this. I’d look into washable peri pads. They are usually used in nursing homes/hospitals (used to be a CNA). They come in cloth version, and I think it would be best because it’s reusable. Just throw it in the washer and it’s brand new. They also come in disposable versions, but I believe the cloth is better and more comfortable, you won’t have to hear the “crunch” of paper/plastic. It goes under her hips and bottom torso, very hard to leave leaks or stains when using these correctly. I’ll leave a link for you. I understand you are frustrated, and if I were in your shoes, I would be too. Try to find a solution without getting into an argument. Periods are a very sensitive subject for us, but she very well could clean the spots. Please let me know if this helps: https://a.co/d/cyP6BYk
I’ve been with my husband for nearly 10 years and I’ve bled on our bed maybe 5 times ever. And I cleaned it up!
Periods are normal and not gross. Lying in blood is disgusting. Not cleaning up your own blood is disgusting.
NTA.
At this point I would leave it and refuse to sleep in the bed with her until she cleans it up. If the mattress is already stained, why not? She’s an adult and can either use her big girl words to ask for help or do it herself.
I’m sorry, she can’t even be bothered to wear a pad to bed in case she starts to bleed and makes a mess in the middle of the night? Absolutely NTA. It would be one thing if she was bleeding through the pad and offered to help clean it up, but doing neither makes her the a-hole.
NTA
Honestly, as a woman, I don’t understand her reasoning. The cramps are your warning. You wear the pad just in case. That way you don’t risk bleeding through your pants at work or in public. Then there’s the other part of this where she doesn’t clean up after herself. That’s just basic decency. Especially with blood. It doesn’t matter where it comes from blood is a biohazard.
Tbh you should get a waterproof mattress cover for your bed to prevent future stains and maybe ask if she’d be willing to wear period underwear to bed when she’s having cramps to help prevent future accidents if she’s not going to wear pads. She’s an adult and she needs to start planning ahead for her period. She also 100% needs to clean up after herself she’s not a child.
NTA
I would have been mortified if I had bled on my boyfriend’s bed, but I also would have been cleaning it up vigorously. This is also coming from someone who has horrible back cramps and sometimes heavy bleeding . Your girlfriend could invest in period underwear , actually wearing pads even if she feels bad cramps (I started doing so regardless if I feel like I’m gonna start bleeding or not ) , having a towel under her and actually cleaning up her mess .
I don’t think she is using the right thing at night. They make pads that are longer for nighttime. You can get period underwear for nighttime that has more area for absorption. Things move around when you sleep so the extra coverage is helpful. Maybe she needs to double up what she is using with something else or try something different:
Accidents happen but 5 times in a year is a lot for a grown woman.
NTA
Your title is trash bc it’s rage inducing and misleading. But you are NTA bc not cleaning up after herself is absolutely minging and completely unacceptable.
NTA. She’s being inconsiderate af
Another brand new account with a bullshit story 🙄
Why don’t you have good mattress protector under any and all bottom sheets?
That should be a given. This all means your own body sweat and semen are touching these sheets and lightly saturating your mattress.
Anyone should be protecting their mattress better.
NTA she is just careless, accidents happen but not 5 times a year. And if it does happen she should clean after herself
NTA. You kinda have two options here. Get a waterproof mattress pad and/or tell your girlfriend she can’t stay in your bed if she is on her period or having cramps. You brought it to her attention and she didn’t give a shit that you are the one cleaning it up.
Accidents happen but you clean them up and not leave someone else to do it. If you spilled a cup of milk would you just leave it for her to clean? I would hope you would just take care of it yourself. You made that milk mess. She made the period mess, she needs to clean it. But unless you are going to hold her down to clean it (please don’t, that’s really effed up) then you have to accept that she expects you to clean it.
NTA. Accidents happen, but not cleaning up or trying to prevent it is the real issue here. That’s just basic respect for shared space
I had terrible, long, irregular, heavy periods for years due to severe endometriosis. Simple solution? I put a big bath towel under me.
Periods aren’t disgusting, but your girlfriend’s attitude is. I wouldn’t be letting her sleep in my bed again
NTA
So does she just start having signs of her period about to start then does nothing?? So does that also apply when she is out and about working, shopping… So what happens if she suddenly starts her period at work does she just soil her clothes?
To me this is poor hygiene. If you know you cycle is about to start you are prepared, you wear a pad or heck get some period underwear.
NTA. Period underwear exists too if she doesn’t want to wear pads. Mattresses are expensive and I’d be upset if mine was getting stained so frequently too. How old is she that she’s leaving you to clean this up?
Is time to reconsider the relationship. There’s no need to put up with this behavior. Yes, if necessary, break up. If she can’t be respectful and responsible about this, imagine more serious medical issues that will arise. Life will happen.
Do not marry her or even think about it. It will not last. Next!
Kind of disrespectful ngl, there’s an app to track your period. Time to set a boundary, if she keeps staining it then sleep in her bed.
NTA- I understand that accidents happen, but not cleaning the sheets is AH behavior.
INFO
Seems there is some misunderstanding so hopefully OP can clarify. When she was cramping, was she bleeding or not? I read it as that she was cramping prior to her period starting and it is normal for her to have cramping for a few days beforehand so she didn’t know exactly when her bleeding would start. Could you clarify please because it seems that maybe you meant she was already bleeding and not wearing any protection?
That would change my opinion!
She is disgusting. Having a period is definitely normal. But bleeding all over the bed, not wearing pads or tampons is not. I have sisters and never in my life have i ever seen or heard of this. She has problems. Time for a new girlfriend this one has no care to clean up after herself. This would be grounds for me to leave and not look back that shit is weird.
No she’s a pig
I came here fully expecting to be mad at you after that title, but you know what? NTA. It sounds like you’ve been understanding about it, and she needs to clean up after her own damn self. That’s part of the joy of menstruation. #sarcasm but seriously, yes, sometimes it sneaks up on you – but she needs to clean it herself.
NTA I agree that she should clean it. But buy a water proof mattress pad.
First, get a mattress pad. Second, invest in some hydrogen peroxide to remove the stains. Your request is not unreasonable, but leaks will happen. The entire system of menstrual products are really not made for active life. Even tampons leak. I rarely leaked, while my roommate did. Its just a function of body shape, activity overnight, and such. Its part of being with someone with a uterus. NTA
If a girl can’t be bothered to wear a pad during her period I can’t even fathom what else she is capable of. I honestly can’t even imagine what you’re saying. It’s genuinely disturbing all around that she has zero care for this.
I would say YTA, but she’s not even trying when she refuses to wear a pad.
For your sake, buy a big bottle of peroxide and have her use that to clean.
NTA. Female here. My periods are bad, sometimes “crime scene” bad. I always sleep with a beach towel under myself, wear pads, & wake up every 2 hours (or every other hour ☹️) to check to make sure I didn’t bleed through shit. She’s a grown woman & perfectly capable of cleaning up after herself; she’s being lazy.
If you don’t clean the stain, will she pretend that it’s not there and sleep on it the following evening? NTA
NTA , Just start shitting on her pillow to balance it out
NTA. I have a water proof mattress pad on top of my mattress. I also wear period under with a pad at night so there are no leaks. Every now and then, there is a small blood stain on the sheets and it doesn’t always come out.
NTA. But I would recommend getting a mattress protector to save it from any more stains. There are relatively cheap ones that can go through the washer for cleaning.
Nta. If this woman is aware of the fact that she has already stained your bed on several occasions and has shown no desire to help you clean it, that is a poorly behaved adult. No cramps don’t imply that you’re going to get your period that day, but if it’s not your bed and you might get your period put a pad on! That’s deeply gross. If she doesn’t know how to have an adult conversation with you about this and change her behaviors, you need to leave this woman.
Waterproof mattress protector should have been purchased long ago, they aren’t all those plastic nasty ones like they were decades ago.. they’re normal covers you barely notice under the sheets. I have my mattress in a full zip cover that’s always on, plus one that fits like a fitted sheet so I can wash that from time to time.
Now, it would be good for her to also care a bit.. but things happen and it’s silly if you don’t both plan for it.
NTA. I’ve worn pads for a couple days when my period is supposed to start just to be safe. But you should always have a waterproof mattress cover on your bed so when stuff like this happens it’s not gonna end up on the mattress bc even wearing a pad, blood can still leak out.
NTA I waste a few pads every period because I wear them two or tree days before my period starts. I do this because I’m not 100% sure what day my period will start and I don’t want to get blood on everything. Also it’s crazy that this has happened so many times and she doesn’t care. Blood isn’t particularly easy to get out of stuff, so I wouldn’t be happy.
NTA! She seems to be a very unhygienic and entitled person
Wow she’s gross. This is just nasty
NTA.
Yes, accidents happen, but not even attempting to clean up is so disrespectful. At the very least, she could buy you a mattress protecter, so even if there is an accident it’s less likely to stain the mattress (I say this as someone who menstruates.)
Furthermore unless she has irregular cycles it’s pretty easy to track and predict when a period is starting, particularly if she’s cramping. I will often wear a pad to bed if I think my period is about to start just in case. I’d be even more careful if I were sleeping in someone else’s bed!
As a person who gets periods, NTA. Yeah cramping and stuff can come on days or even up to a week before but that’s your cue to start wearing panty liners just in case you start to spot. And as soon as I start cramping I wear period underwear to bed to make sure my sheets aren’t a casualty in the uterus war. You didn’t shame her and were kind about it. And blood stains are hard to fully get out of a mattress. This has also happened 5 times in a year I’d be fed up with it too.
Period underwear would be her best friend. Like tampons can make cramps worse sometimes and pads get leaky
Im a woman currently on her period and she is being extremely inconsiderate. As someone who does get a surprise period every once in awhile I think the very least she can do after having an accident is clean it up. Blood is hard to get out of white sheets especially but its possible through scrubbing. If your sheets are white and she just leaves you to deal with it thats crazy and a character defect. Also what she said to you is 100% an excuse, yes while it can be uncomfortable shoving a tampon in when nothings happening, a pad is not uncomfortable especially if its to help yourself not make a mess of your bfs bed. She is lacking some real consideration here that can carey over to other parts of your relationship and think of long term if she ends up doing something you dont like it seems like she will get angry and not try to change. Like no, you have a serious talk with her or you walk away and let her mature on her own
What she is doing is unhinged imo.
Nta. I think it would be unreasonable to kick her out of the bed just for accidents, I’m a heavy bleeder and it happens, but if she won’t clean it herself thats more than reasonable to make her sleep elsewhere. 100% you should lay down the boundary that she cleans it up herself as soon as the mess happens. She takes the sheets to the washer and washes them, and she cleans off the mattress underneath if it reached that point.
She’s the asshole here if she expects anyone else to clean up her own bodily fluids. Periods suck, cramps suck, but it’s a part of life and I dont know why she would think she’s not responsible for her own period mess. Tell her she either cleans it up, or sleeps elsewhere, and if she won’t you need to consider if this relationship is worth dealing with this forever.
NTA because she should at least clean it up.
It happens, but it’s rare that I’ll get a blood stain on my bed. Because when I know I’m going to get my period soon, I’ll start wearing period panties and boxers to go to sleep in. And if some blood gets on the bed, I’ll clean it up.
Just like my husband would clean up the bed if he made a mess – and after a prostate problem he had, he did have nighttime incontinence issues for a little. He didn’t leave it for me to clean, he took care of it.
It’s common sense consideration.