I just turned 25, and my family planned a small birthday dinner for me. My dad has always been critical about my weight and appearance. I’ve told him a million times that I don’t want comments about my body, but he doesn’t listen.
At dinner, I was cutting into my steak when he made a loud comment about how I should be “careful or I won’t fit in my wedding dress someday.” Everyone laughed awkwardly, and I just snapped. I told him I was tired of him ruining every milestone in my life, got up, and left the restaurant.
My mom called me later and said I embarrassed the whole family and ruined my own birthday dinner. I feel like I shouldn’t have to tolerate being insulted, especially on my birthday. AITAH for walking out?
Comments
NOpe. NTA. Bye Bye, Felicia
YTA your dad was just telling a joke learn to laugh at your own expense sometime
Urgh can’t believe your mum took his side. I’m so sorry. Just go minimal contact until they get the message and apologise – and stop!
NTA – time for no contact
you’re not the bad guy at all, your old man is a jerk who doesn’t know how to keep his shitty comments to himself. 25 years of putting up with his shitty jokes about your body and your mom defending him? good for you for standing up for yourself, I hope you made him feel like the asshole he is. you stick to your rules. if they can’t respect you, don’t expect fake smiles
NTA. I have a similar issue with my mom. On Independence Day this year, she made a comment in front of me and my boyfriend that “everyone in the our last name family is always fat!”
We decided to not stick around for fireworks or family breakfast the next morning. Don’t tolerate that behavior OP. If that’s how he (and others) decide to speak to you after setting a boundary, make it a point to limit your time with them until they can treat you with respect.
NTA.
why are u still in contact with him?
NTA. Not the asshole at all, your father sounds like a major prick. The man who marries you is gonna be overwhelmed with your beauty, whether 100lbs or 350lbs. Your mother is an asshole apologist. She married this guy so clearly she is willing to continually make excuses for his behavior over the course of decades. Verbal abuse is STILL ABUSE. You do not have to tolerate disrespectful behavior simply because “they’re your parents”. Sometimes, your parents happen to be shit people without the capacity to respect others. – Daughter of an abusive father and a denial/neglect/excuses mother.
you embarrassed the whole family???? your whole family embarrasses YOU for thinking remarks like that are to be swallowed and ignored. NTA. im sorry you didnt get celebrated properly.
NTA, your father has been fat shaming you all your life, despite being told to stop a million times, and he pulls that stunt IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE FAMILY, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, making you the laughing stock, and when you call him out on his crap, your mom claims YOU embarrassed them and YOU ruined YOUR own birthday, not her husband’s behaviour towards you, her kid, YOU?
Tell your mother that you didn’t embarrass them, your dad did that all on his own, and she did by supporting him and enabling his terrible behaviour towards you. If she feels embarrassed, time for her to look at the mirror.
NTA. He was rude and inappropriate and I’d be extra pissed that my mom didn’t see it as that.
If you decide to ever speak to them again, I would make it clear that you will not tolerate being shamed or humiliated.
People don’t respect people who don’t respect themselves
Tell your mom you need some space from your dad. Being in his presence makes you feel bad. You’ll consider talking to him if and only if he acknowledges what he’s been doing and agrees to change his ways. Otherwise, you need a break from him. Not permanent NC, just a break. Tell her she can take a break from you if she’s unwilling to see how you’re being impacted by his jackassery.
NTA
I hate your parents🥲
I was a chunky kid. My mom used to have an eating disorder. She had me on and off diets all through my childhood. She’d make me weigh myself in front of her.
I thinned out (naturally) as a teenager. She took me to get a swimsuit and insisted I get this super cute bikini and I fought her on it. She asked me why I didn’t want it. I told her because I was too fat to wear a bikini. My mom was shocked I thought I was fat…😒
Um no, your dad ruined your birthday dinner and embarrassed the family. Disgusting. NTA
NTA your behavior made it impossible for everyone to ignore what an ah your dad is and that’s what your mom is upset about
You are 25. If you don’t stand up now for yourself then when will you? And your future partner, your kids? You called out their behaviour. Keep calling it out. If they are embarressed it’s because they should be.
NTA. Time to cut them all off. They have zero right to abuse you- and it IS abuse. I’d tell ‘dad’ that he and the rest of that pack of jerks they don’t need to worry about your appearance at your wedding since none of them will be welcome or wanted there. Refuse to have anything to do with these people unless and until they do some serious self improvement. They are awful.
NTA. Find something your dad is insecure about and next time you’re all together, call attention to it.
You shouldn’t tolerate being insulted, bday party or not. Your dad was out of line, and this wasn’t the first time you called him on it. But it was the first time you called him out IN PUBLIC. And there was always going to be a first time.
Tell your mom that you wouldn’t have said anything if your dad had kept his yap shut. And let her know that, going forward, you will call him out. Loudly. Every time he pulls a similar stunt. And that if she does not want a repeat performance, then she needs to shut him up.
Put the pressure on her, not on your shoulders. Be the asshole you deserve.
NTA
NTA
On a vacation with family friends we were at this hotel that had various restaurants. We had planned to hit 4 different restaurants so obviously not everyone was going to eat at all places.
The first restaurant is seafood (I’m not a fan and I’m allergic) do I say I’ll get just water and save room for the next stop. My dad began berating me. Claiming I’m embarrassing him (my brother and 4 other people weren’t eating). When I reminded him I’m allergic to seafood he vegan going in on how im fat and and disgusting so it shouldn’t matter if im supposedly allergic. I threw the water i was drinking at his face and walked out.
My mom came out and said I embarrassed him and needed to go back inside, tell him im sorry and eat something because all I did was prove I’m a btch. When I asked if he was going to come over here, beg for my forgiveness and apologised she was shocked and said he was my father, he doesnt need to apologise because i was in the wrong.
You don’t have to forgive him or anything. You just need to carry on and live for you. My parents learned quickly I dont give AF
“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I would never even invite you to my wedding, let alone let you walk me down the aisle. I would never dream of embarrassing you like that.”
NTA. Hell no, what’s with these asshats making comments about their own children. The only embarrassment is him. Shit birds like him end up with no children because of their stupidity.
I think it was the perfect way to really drive your point home. That said, respectfully, it’s his brain that seems to be a bit thick, so I’m not entirely sure that he gets it.
Your body is nobody’s business but your own, full stop. You handled this beautifully. Keep cutting him and your mom off each and every time he comments. Next time, however, add to him “Pity you won’t be there to see it” before exiting.
NTA, she stated how you embarrassed the whole family, and ruined the dinner. But not how your dad embarrassed you or ruined your birthday. Hypocrisy in your family is pretty high. If you do not depend on your family for anything ( because emotional support seems nonexistent) tell them to fuck off, and until they can treat you with respect, don’t bother calling you. Updateme
You stood your ground!!! Awesome! Nc is next step..
I have a mom like that, but she tells every detail to anyone in her life, or I’d have a gf over, and well he does this n that, oh u do know he has a fetish too..the amount he drinks! He can’t hold a job more than 5 yrs! On and on.. psychological, affect, no confidence, no drive.. whatever you say to your kids, has an affect!
Good for you having boundaries. Mom and Dad can go gnaw on that steak solo. NTA
>My mom called me later and said I embarrassed the whole family
Oh, no! The family is embarrassed, when it should have been you! How horrible!
Fuck them if they can’t be civil. NTA.
NTA
Your father was the cause of the embarrassment not you. Your mother should be ashamed for taking his side.
NTA. so sorry you have to put up with this.
NTA at all. You made it clear, and he continued. Parents have this inane ideology that they can voice any opinion or thought to their child because they are “theirs.” You are a human being first and foremost, and you told him to cut it out. HE is the one who caused the embarrassment, not you. You wouldn’t have left if he didn’t act like an AH here.
Happy 25th Birthday! Spend your next 25 birthdays celebrating with people who don’t outwardly judge you.
Your dad is the guy that everyone OUTSIDE of your family privately thinks is a horse’s rear end. They probably all talk about him and are glad he isn’t their Dad. NTA
Nope, your dad ruined the birthday dinner and embarrassed himself as well as everyone else. It’s a shame your mother doesn’t recognise that fact.
Good for you for finally calling him out over it
NTAH but your dad and mum are
NTA but really you should have (since you know he does this) prepared a comeback to embarrass him while you held your ground.
Something like “you know dad, you’re awfully concerned with my body/appearance”. Just let that float out there. “I’m just saying that it’s weird you’re always commenting on my body”. Keep eating. “Maybe you should be more worried about mom’s body”. “You’re not commenting on my health, you’re commenting on my body/weight”.
Just keep putting it back on him.
Good for you…continue to call him out and if it was me, I’d add…”well dad, I can loose the weight but you’ll always be a man who is mean and critical of his daughter. Your behavior is shameful.” Then leave after you return the insults.
That was exactly the right way to handle that situation. OP is twenty-five years old, a grown woman. If dear old dad is still making jokes about OP’s weight and add on top a joke about how she will look as a bride that is a last straw. Father should be embarrassed not OP. OP grew a spine in her birthday.
NTA, but I would never leave a steak. I would not end my own birthday celebration. The following day, I would have a talk with dad and mom about too many insults and no respect. And if he didn’t stop, you would stop participating in future family events. What is wrong with him?
NTA. Dad’s rude.
Tell him he doesn’t need to worry about what you look like in your wedding dress, because he’s not going to be invited to your wedding. Why would you invite a man who shows you no respect to your wedding??
If anyone ruined the birthday dinner, it was your dad for making yet another insult about your weight. You did what you should do every time your dad bullies you: Walk away. Hopefully, he will learn, but probably not until you go NC with him.
NTA
Maybe your mother should have put half that energy into correcting your father’s behavior that she has into admonishing you, perhaps you wouldn’t have had to walk out of dinner. I would keep low contact with them for a while.
I would have told him he didn’t need to worry about it because I’d never have a body shaming AH in my wedding nor would I invite any of his enablers.
Then I would have had my dinner boxed up to take to my home to eat in peace. I’d have also added a dessert to my order
NTA, don’t celebrate with them anymore
NTA! Your dad is the embarrassment and ruined your birthday party. Your mother is no prize
NTA but your parents are. I’d go low contact with them. You don’t need to be bullied by your parents.
Nta don’t do milestones with family next time he makes thst comment tell him he shouldn’t worry because he won’t be invited
NTA – time to go on the offensive.
“Aww if my mom didn’t marry a dickhead, I might want to be married someday.”
“I certainly hope I get someone way more intelligent than my mother.”
“So cute you think I would invite you to my wedding.”
“I didn’t hear you small dick, bald headed, short, (none of these are bad, just pick his worst fear). Phobia of spiders.”
NTA.
Your dad ruined your birthday. Your family should have been embarrassed by his behavior.
NTA
Did you know that when a man gets older and doesn’t watch his weight, kind of food he eat, which affects his cholesterol and blood pressure, that it can affect him sexually? All the factors I’ve listed have contributed to men’s erectile dysfunction. So while you indulge a little too much and someday you may not be able to fit into a size 6 or a wedding dress. BUT, at least you will fit into a size 10 wedding dress or a 12. But your dad? He won’t be able to perform in bed or in front of a naughty video on his phone.
I’m just saying that might be something that you can bring up when he bears you in front of family. Tit for tat.
NTA
My dad got me a cake for my 16th birthday party. It said “Sweet 16 and Never Been Kissed”
it was WRONG
it was a shitty thing to do even it had been true!
My mom scraped it off for me before we served it
NTA, you have to start calling him out publicly, the more he’s embarrassed. Then he will stop. Sometimes you have to embarrass people. Which you didn’t do, he did that to himself. Because it was uncalled for and unnecessary. Your mom is AH, she would rather save face than stand up for her daughter. Do not apologize, this was a long time coming. Again you did nothing wrong but stand up for yourself. Correct this behavior now, because he might spoil your wedding by talking about your weight in a speech.
NTA but if you don’t need to speak to him or them for a while I suggest putting them on mute for a few weeks.
U also should have flipped the table. NTA♥️
NTA, but doesn’t your dad know that wedding dresses, like people, come in all sizes?
Umm, no, you didn’t. Your dad certainly did. Tell your mom you won’t hold your breath waiting for an apology. But dad definitely owes you one. And you will start calling out his inappropriate comments every time. In a big, dramatic way, until he learns to shut his mouth about you.