So my brother and his girlfriend were dating for about a year until she texted him stating that she had cheated on him with someone he already disliked for being a creep. Her mom backed her up,and it was a messy breakup. A couple months later she texted him again, and they started talking more. She revealed that she had not actually cheated but lied to get out of the relationship. She’s very controlling – always arguing with him or forcing him to call or text. He can’t even go an hour without his phone without her calling and texting a million times asking where he is. My mom’s been begging me (and literally everyone else) to break them up or even just guide him in a different direction. A week ago, he said he was too hurt to fully forgive her and won’t get back together and now they’re dating again. Ive talked to him a couple times, but I can’t just say “break up” cause he’s not going to listen like dafuq.
Anyways, help
Comments
Oh gosh. If it were that simple! I’d have done it with my sister and several of her relationships!
The truth is, you’re not going to be able to break them up. He chose her. The risk in saying much of anything is that you hurt your and your brothers relationship, not he and his girlfriends.
If you’ve talked, you’ve said your peace, and you offered your support, that’s all you can do. He alone decides when he’s done.
Best advice is mind your own business. Not your problem – if he asks tell him she sucks. 🤷♂️
Stay out of it. It’s his responsibility to resolve his own issues. If she controls him it’s because he’s letting her. He needs to set boundaries and if he doesn’t then that’s on him but you need to mind ur own business
You’re not crazy for caring. You’re not controlling for wanting better for him. And you’re not powerless, even if it feels like it.
You’re not gonna logic him out of this mess, he’s emotionally addicted to the chaos. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, but you can start setting boundaries. Sometimes tough love hits harder than advice. He needs a wake-up call, not another soft warning.
Tell your brother anytime she does something crazy “and you want to deal with that the rest of your life good luck” it’ll put things into perspective especially if you say it enough where he starts realizing she’s doing the same stuff over and over
Love your mom or otherwise, she’s the problem. Personally I’d leave. Nobody here should be able to convince you about what to do. My advice is the live the life you want to live, not the one someone else wants you to live.
He’ll get there eventually. Be a supportive sibling and stay the hell out of it. He knows that if he wants his phone to stop buzzing then he can block her number
Omg I am in the same position , but they have been dating for 5 years and he is going to propose….
The more you try and break them apart the more hell want her. It’s stupid but that’s how it is. Just tell the truth when he asks what you think of her.
Don’t beat the bad guy and try to brake them up, but like someone in the chat said, when he brings up something she has done, you can remind him of when she has done that in the past, and ask.him if he really wants to keep dealing with that for the rest of his life. I would also ask him, in these.moments, what goodness or happiness she actually brings to his life. What positive things can he say about her or the relationship? If he struggles to think of anything other than “she’s hot,” or “the sex is great,” then hopefully you can point out to him that in a good relationship, both parties bring happiness and fulfillment to the other.
Unfortunately this is one of those situations where all you can do is let him learn his lesson on his own. Nothing you say or do will make him break up with her. The more you and your mom protest the relationship though, the more he’ll hide things from y’all and you don’t want that.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
She must got that 🐱that fit like a glove
He’s going to learn the hard way, that you can never go back and it never works out with controlling people…
Yeah, stay out of it. He’ll need to learn the hard way, unfortunately
You are just going to have to wait to pick up the pieces- anything you do to tear them apart will inevitably push them closer.
Meet up with him frequently without her, check how he’s doing, suggest therapy and mainly be there for him
You can’t help people unless they want help, keep communication open and do not say “I told you so”.
Your brother’s life is his business. Full stop. She might be evil, but also the lesson he needs to learn about women too. Not your place respectfully.
I want you to think about this from your future self’s perspective. Even if she’s a terrible person and you truly believe you’re helping your brother, the moment people hear you tried to orchestrate a breakup, they’re going to see you as manipulative. That reputation can stick, no matter your intentions.
The best you can do is talk to him about how you feel. Things can end up with him saying, “welp you tried to warn me…” or “we think it’s best if you’re not invited to the wedding concerning what you tried to do.”
The breakup will happen naturally if you ignore them.
Mind your business. Be there for him when he gets hurt. He knows what he is walking into. It is not your place to tell him what to do.
Go to ULPT if you want unethical advice. This sub won’t give it.