(I’m 21)I was introduced to porn at a young age and never thought it was something I was addicted to until I started seeing real consequences. I lied to her trying to protect her from my own issues as I didn’t want to burden her. I couldn’t stop this uncontrollable amount of lust that I never wanted to be a part of my life. I never felt good about any of my actions, I never wanted to hurt her either and my weakness in not fixing my issues only led me to make worse actions. I never cheated physically, I didn’t text anyone either but masturbated to things I never should have, things I never felt proud about and could never embrace. I told myself that if I really loved this girl that I would tell her all my truths even if it meant losing her, and even though I’ve seen most relationships have secrets, and most guys in relationships watch porn and think it’s normal, I didn’t want to keep her in lies or secrets, so I told her and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me. It feels like I never had a chance, like my past caught up to me. I can’t believe that something I was introduced to as a kid became an addiction and ruined my life and hurt the one person I could’ve and wouldn’t have ever thought I’d hurt, ever. All I want is for her to be happy, I just want her to know that I do love her and I did what I did because I’m sick, it’s not that she wasn’t ever enough for me because she will always be more than enough for me. I just want her to know that I always did and will love her. I want to know that she’ll be ok not for the sake of me feeling less guilty or bad but just because I really do love her and I don’t ever want her to keep hurting or for things to not ever get better for her.
I lost the love of my life because of an addiction
r/Advice
Comments
Are you seeking therapy?
This is really heavy, and I can tell how deeply you care and how much you’re hurting. You took responsibility, told the truth, and showed her love by being honest even when it cost you. That takes strength. Addiction doesn’t make you a bad person, it means you need help and healing, which you deserve. It hurts now, but this can be the start of real change for you and how you love. Be kind to yourself. Keep going.
So many people have been were you are. You may be sick, but you don’t have to stay that way. Generally, people won’t understand. Find 12step groups and utilize them. No one is perfect. Everyone kink shames or judges silently, society is evil when it comes to these topics. When you find someone who understands, make friends. Therapy might help (but it didn’t do shit for me)
Change your habits
Be a wonderful person
Be friendly, courteous and respectful
Don’t push the issue, be better, choose love.
You’re 21. It’s unlikely she was the love of your life. Learn, fix your major issues, and improve. That’s what life is about.