We are both 14, and a few weeks ago, my girlfriend of 7 months told me she has had a plan to kill herself “around the 20th” for about a year, she hasn’t told me why. She has had a problem with sh in the past and maybe present, and her parents are divorced, her plan would take place at her moms.
Two days ago, I told my parents about this, and they told her dad. My parents told me her dad told her mom about the situation but I don’t know if that is true. When she heard that her dad found out, she was pissed, but has cooled off since, and her dad thinks she was joking.
I don’t know what to do because I have already told my parents once, and if her dad didn’t tell her mom, then her mom can’t do anything about it. Also, I don’t know if her mom would even do anything about it, as she has stated in the past that her mom doesn’t like her.
And on top of all that, I am going on vacation later today, and won’t be back until the 26th. Also We have never hung out outside school but we call frequently.
Does anyone have any advice, I don’t know what to do or what I should do. Please help me.
Comments
You did a great job telling your parents and they telling her parents. What her family does is their family’s business and it ends there for you.
I’m really sorry about this, but thank you for been brave enough to reach out. Sweetheart, please prioritize your girlfriend’s safety. Encourage her to talk to a trusted adult, like a school counselor or a helpline. You can say, “Hey, I’m really worried about you. Can we talk to someone together?” Take care of yourself too, okay?
Hello, you should definitely notify your parents again and see what they advice you. I know it can be difficult when you think the adults around you aren’t helping, if you feel she will do something that day then maybe notify the authorities. I’m sorry this is happening to her and her mental health is very important but remember so is yours so if this is weighing heavy on you talk to others as well and do not keep it inside.
I wish I had good advice for you. I was in the shoes of your girlfriend for years, semi-frequently mentioning my (serious) desire to hurt myself.
I hate to suggest it, but the best decision might be to leave her. Giving her the spark she needs to get help and realize how negatively it’s affecting you. She may be so focused on her pain and be thinking of you as this mythical healer type, when no one can be that for another person constantly. It’s unsustainable, though some can do so for years. It’s mentally scaring attempting to rescue someone who’s beyond broken.
If you leave her and allow her to figure out herself and her problems, you can always return. Though she may have learned to keep her true self hidden. I don’t speak about my feelings of self-harm anymore, though my music allows me too. In a cathartic sort of way. My frequent trips to psych wards taught me to write, a skill I use to heal myself when troubled. She will be upset if she has to go inpatient, but it helped me.
If she’s being bullied, tell her to use art projects as her eyes and you as her ears.
Firstly, massive well done to yourself for telling your parents. That was a mega brave thing to do, and you should be really proud of yourself.
Secondly, it now unfortunately isn’t up to you as to how this goes down now. You told exactly the right people, and your parents handled the situation perfectly. Your “job” here is done.
Thirdly, the only thing you can do now is encourage your girlfriend to seek support, such as a school counsellor or a professional therapist.
Lastly, you’re doing really well. Just know that whatever the outcome, you did exactly what you were supposed to do and you did a fantastic job at it. Stay strong little brother. And always remember it’s okay to cry.
✊️
You absolutely did the right thing by telling your parents . even if she was upset, her safety matters more than keeping it secret. I know it feels overwhelming, but you’re not supposed to handle this alone. Please talk to your parents again and let them know you’re still worried and unsure if her mom was actually told. They can help follow up or talk to the school too.
You clearly care about her a lot, and she’s lucky to have someone who’s looking out for her like this. Keep being there for her as a friend, remind her she’s not alone but don’t carry this all by yourself. You’re doing the best thing you can. 💛
Stop talking to her.
Keep in touch with them and ask them how they are doing and what not – just to make sure they are doing OK. If they said something like that, that means they really need someone that cares to know.
Praying for OP & gf
Just want to chime in to say her mom definitely doesn’t hate her. The conflict between parents and teens can be difficult for everyone and sometimes parents mask their feelings of confusion and helplessness behind anger. It’s a lot of change all of the sudden and can be very unsettling for adults to see their babies become unhappy, grumpy, dissatisfied, sarcastic, outspoken, stubborn, uncooperative, careless, fill in the blank seemingly overnight. What might feel like hate to the daughter might be a mother who has no tools for how to “ fix” their relationship.
Tell your school guidance counselor
Tell her this. Her life 100% means something to you. Not only does she have family and friends to live for. There’s you. And you need to tell her to live for you. It’d be so sad for her to leave you alone. For the rest of your life, you’d never forget her.
I don’t know the person well, and I wouldn’t wanna suggest anything, but you should figure out if they really are honest, or they’re lying for attention. I had an experience with a friend who was lying about their numerous suicide attempts for a few months, and I was eating it up until a different friend made me realize things weren’t right. What I am saying is, figure out if she isn’t just lying for attention, yes she could be doing that for a year straight she is 14. If she loves you I highly doubt she’d end it near her 20th, especially given it’ll take a lot of years before you two get there. Life is unpredictable so you can’t really say “I’ll end it in 5 years”, especially when you’re just 14 and those 5 years are especially full of possibilities. Well if anyone disagress with me here, feel free to write up a reply, this probably is a more different take than everyone else’s.