Background: I am 33M with little relationship experience. She is 33F that is more experienced, been in a quite a few relationships (I don’t know how many) but most recently a 2 year long distance relationship that ended 2 months before the wedding which she called quite toxic.
We’ve been dating for 3 months now. Since the 2nd date we’ve been seeing each other everyday. We recently went on a vacation together for a week which went well (with only one minor fight) then we both came back to our hometown for a week, then she went on another vacation with her family and she returns today.
Problem: she is a texter and a very heavy communicator. I am generally not and don’t like to stay on my phone much, I’d much rather meet in person. And if I’m in person with anyone(especially her) I dont like to be on my phone texting others and I like to be present in the moment, even though I’m a man of a few words. Before we went on vacation together she mentioned “I know you’re not very experienced in dating but generally when someone is dating they usually update the other person about their comings and goings, not as approval or permission but as general updates.” I said I am not that type, I’ll do my best but don’t expect me to be on your level, she said that’s fine you’ll get to it.
3rd day back from vacation, she is going to pick her mom up from the airport, she parks at my place and I say I am going out in a bit. Later on I text and say “this car wash is so annoying, there is a guy in front of me thats stuck” and we text for a bit. The car wash clears up and I go in, my sister calls and asks if I want to go for dinner and I agree, meet her within 10 minutes and we’re off.
She calls me 5 mins before we get to the restaurant (25 mins after my last text to her) and when I mention I am with my sister going for dinner she goes quiet but then says what she called me for and we hang up. When I see her later that night she is upset that I didn’t say I’m done with the carwash or that I’m going to dinner with my sister, and she is sure I had the opportunity to do so. I say I was driving, my sister called my hands free and was ready when I got there to pick her up, I was 5 mins away from the restaurant and was gonna tell you. Can you meet me half way in this texting issue? Her response was not that I had the time and she expected me to update her.
This was 2 weeks ago
Fast forward to this week, she is on vacation with her family and doesn’t have much reception, we talk everyday, I let her know everytime I’m going out for an activity, going to the office, or going to my family’s. She responds when she gets reception.
Yesterday I let her know I’m going to my family’s and right when I do, she calls and complains about her family, I stayed in the car, listened, offered support, then when she was done and had to leave I went to my parents. While at my parents, it was constant texting, to the point where they were saying why are you glued to your phone. I brush off the question. For 2 and a half hours were texting about random stuff, she’s annoyed at her family, and bored waiting to go to the airport. She had 5 hours to kill.
I get a bit frustrated that I’m texting while trying to communicate with my family but I prioritized her, went home and got on a call because I couldn’t text anymore, and I know she’s tired, in a mood, and homesick. We speak for a bit, I tell her tomorrow morning I’m going golfing with my friends.
This morning, I woke up late, got ready and ran(drove) to the golf course. I text her just “good morning baby”. She doesn’t have reception because she’s on the flight..I put my phone in the golf bag and played.
When she lands, I got the notification to my smartwatch that her plane landed at the transit location, she texted me good morning, then “that’s it? Good morning? No I’m going to golf, no updates on what I’m up to? No checking to see when I land and making sure I get there safe?
I respond saying I got really late but at least wanted to say good morning. Her response was oh well at least you said good morning. I brush it off and ask how was she flight? No response
Then I text to see when her next flight is, she responds with the time only and it’s in an hour. At this point I’m done golfing and my friends and I are going for breakfast..I call her from the car, “how was the flight? Did you sleep? How are you feeling?” All cold one word responses. I know shes pissed about the texting but I only have 5 mins to drive to the place and don’t want to fight over text or over the phone, I am with my friends she is with her family. She mentions she’s at the gate waiting for boarding. To me, the process is done, she’s at the gate and just waiting to get on. I don’t need to check if she made it or not
On the flight she gets Wi-Fi and texted me saying I will land at 530, go home and sleep, see you tomorrow.
We made plans for today so we can see each other but now I realize she is really pissed. Again, I don’t want to fight over text. She says you didn’t tell me where you were, you didn’t ask me to let you know when I got on the flight, or when the flight left. Seems like you don’t care, you only care about golfing. I don’t want to fight over text so I just say “if you think I don’t care then you haven’t been paying attention. ” She said today it seems like you don’t care..I told her I know you’ll text me when you land and board but you didn’t, I’m not by my phone much today but I am reading the notification on my watch.
She still hasn’t responded, but I said anyways I am coming over when you land
Is this a normal reaction?I get I should have said something other than good morning this morning but I was in a rush and I was over stimulated from texting for 4 hours yesterday.
Is this a big enough issue to get that pissed about? On the trip she never once mentioned she misses me(even though I know she does) but I said it like 4 times and that did annoy me a little bit
TLDR: I didn’t text her enough and she’s pissed and doesn’t want to see me after a week long vacation with her family.