I made a post yesterday talking about how I caught my ex cheating on me with my brother. I now found out that she doesn’t know if our son is mine or his and I am fucking spiraling.
I can’t believe this is genuinely my life right now. Everything I’ve ever had fell apart in 2 hours. after i made the first post, i decided to call a meeting with my family and my ex, i told them i wanted to talk about something serious and had them all come over to my place. my mom, dad, brother, and ex all showed up. my son was with my cousin for the day. i sat everyone down and just told them straight up what i saw at the party. my brother immediately jumped in saying it was a misunderstanding, she was feeling “ugly and lonely”, it was nothing, etc. he was talking so fast it was obvious he was lying. My mother then started crying and my father didn’t say anything. i just sat there and waited for my ex to say something. I rehearsed so many ways of how this conversation could probably go and listened to a lot of advice in my other post but all I got out was “Is [sons name] mine?” All she could fucking say was “I don’t know” and started crying. my heart dropped. i asked how long it’s been going on and she said it started around the time we were trying for a baby. so basically since the beginning. I have basically been raising my nephew for 4 years.
I can’t get into much detail at this point, because I barely remember what happened. All I remember is both me and my brother on the floor and we are both bloody. I started screaming for all of them to get out as my ex started crying saying she’s sure our son is ours. But i have 0 reason to believe it’s mine and I’m done. I have spent my entire life dreaming on building a huge family. we were supposed to be trying for another baby in a few months and my entire life is just falling apart in such a short amount of time. I don’t even know what advice i could possibly get at this point. I’ve already made an appointment for a paternity test against her wishes, but I can’t even think right now. My life is done and over with.
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Jesus christ I’m sorry dude, you need a lawyer and sue the fuck out of all of them
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.. Have you heard anything from your parents since? I understand that you kind of blacked out during, completely normal given the amount of stress that you were under. I would 100% get a paternity test for sure and get off of the birth certificate if he is not your son. I would say go completely no contact with your ex and your brother, especially before finding out paternity, and if the child is not yours, then no contact forever with either. I know you said that you cut off your friends in your previous post. I think, maybe, it would be beneficial to reach out and apologize. Explain that you didn’t realize how much she was controlling you and you were blinded by love. You need to surround yourself with as many people as possible right now. You are still young and have so much life ahead of you. I am here if you ever want to talk.
Damn I’m sorry I going thru that n that’s so fucked up.. get u a lawyer ASAP n DNA test done
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Is this real?
“My life is done and over with.”
Your life is NOT over and done with. Sure, you have been given a huge kick in the guts, but you will get over this.
Just get the paternity test and move on with your life until you find a woman worthy of you.
Step 1: Get a paternity test.
Step 2: Don’t wait — call a lawyer on Monday and start the divorce process.
Step 3: Mute your STBX and trashy brother. (Don’t block them — you may need their messages.) Block any family member who says you should “forgive” or “be the bigger person.”
Step 4: Get your ducks in a row. Spend not another night in the same place where she is. Separate your finances. If you have a house, whose name is on the deed? What about vehicles? Figure out where you will live. Listen to your lawyer!!
Step 5: Figure out what you’re going to do if you are NOT the biological father. Hate to tell you, but you’re legally responsible for financial support. Since you know who the father is if it’s not you, talk to your lawyer about whether you can sue your brother to oblivion.
Your last line scares me, u/Top_Toe9075.
Please reach out to someone for help. You can message me if you’d rather talk to a stranger.
I read your post yesterday, trying to put myself in your shoes.
Waiting for this update.
Your life isn’t over. You’ve just been set free. Something better for you is on the horizon. Keep your chin up.
I’m sorry for what has happened to you and your family.
I’m sorry for what’s happening in your life. It genuinely is a nightmare situation! But, remember that the boy is not to blame for any of this.
If you want to walk away from this with your head held high, you should try and keep him out of it, and remember the love you have for him <3
You didn’t deserve any of this, and no matter what the paternity test says, you are already that child’s real father in every way that counts.
I’m so sorry. This nightmare isn’t fair. If the kid isn’t yours, take off and start a new life.
Im sorry you’re going through this. First things first, dna test. Make sure that in your divorce case, a dna test is mandatory to establish that while you have been a present father it was all under your wife’s deceit. Good luck. If you need anyone to talk to, my dms are open. While I’ve never been through this personally, growing up my father had an affair with my mom’s sister and fathered a child. That was and has been detrimental to my mental health (especially since everyone swept everything under the rug like it didn’t happen). Pls get help, while this is painful it is not the end. You have more to look forward in this world that this, you just have to push past this which will be hard
Paternity test immediately. If the child isn’t yours, get your name off the birth certificate. Good thing you aren’t married as in many states (in the U.S.) you’d be the legal father regardless of paternity.
Updateme
Get the test. You have plenty of time to sort out what your life is going to be like.
I have a buddy who had suspicions that his child might not be his and didn’t get the test until the kid was ten. He spent ten years raising a son that wasn’t his. He wishes he would have got the test.
Get the test. The truth is better than wondering.
Hey, OP, the fact that he looks like your brother doesn’t mean a thing – I look like a carbon copy of my paternal aunt and her daughter, though I definitely came out of my mother – genetics are weird that way. Before you spiral any further, get the paternity test.
And remember: that little boy loves you, and sees you as his dad, regardless on who provided the sperm that made him. You have been raising him for four years and love him – I bet cm that hasn’t changed over night. Just remember how devastated that little boy would be if anything happened to you!
It’s a huge blow when something like this happens. Your ex should have been truthful from the start and told you the baby may not be yours. Instead you fell in love with your son/nephew.
Take some breaths and wait for the test results. Remember you’re his father for the last 4 years. He knows you to be Dad, not your brother.
If he is yours I would go for custody. If he isn’t you can still go for visitation. It will be up to you as what relationship you have with him. Consult with a Lawyer. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.
Regardless of the outcome. You are Dad to that little boy. Blood makes you related, actions make you family.
Your life is not over. It’s only just begun.
Your life is not done yet! Paternity test will determine father’s name! You can still find a good woman who will want to have a big family with you! If the child is you’re struggling with whether or not you want to try reconciliation with them. Use a marriage counselor and a divorce lawyer as you move forward! Lots of Reddit’s are on your side!
FIRST your life isn’t done and over with, as hard as it is to see in this moment. You aren’t too old, either, you’re still very young – the beginning of adulthood still.
With that said, reach out to local lawyers like others suggested. No contact but don’t block family and her. Get test to verify if it’s your child or not.
You dont know anything for sure about the child – if it is yours, hes yours still and you will regret not being there if you try cutting him out too.
No drugs, no drinks, don’t let the courts use anything against you in your upcoming case and divorce.
And again I cannot reiterate enough, your life is not over. You slammed into the rock bottom hard, but life isn’t over.
You will rebound, and your future self and future family (and potentially your current child) will be thankful you didn’t give up. Many have rebounded much later in life than you, you can recover and have a future too.