I (18f) have a little brother “Tim” (13m). He has a female friend “Lily” (13f) who is apparently his “girlfriend.” A few weeks ago, she had body odor everytime she came over. I gave her deodorant and she started smelling fine when she came over.
But recently, Lily’s mom noticed the deodorant I gave her and asked where she got it. Lily’s mom came over and argued with my mom (39f). My mom told me that it was a bad call to give deodorant to someone else’s child. Am I the asshole ?
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I (18f) have a little brother “Tim” (13m). He has a female friend “Lily” (13f) who is apparently his “girlfriend.” A few weeks ago, she had body odor everytime she came over. I gave her deodorant and she started smelling fine when she came over.
But recently, Lily’s mom noticed the deodorant I gave her and asked where she got it. Lily’s mom came over and argued with my mom (39f). My mom told me that it was a bad call to give deodorant to someone else’s child. Am I the asshole ?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action to be judged is for giving deodorant to my little brother’s female friend.
I may be the asshole because my mom said it was a bad call to give deodorant to someone else’s child.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Unless the child is allergic to deodorants then NTA. I’m going to assume the mom is possibly one of those “crunchy” moms.
Nta. If she smell she need to know. Her mom is the asshole
NTA, you were looking out for a kid. maybe her mom didn’t teach her hygiene stuff. not the kids fault and definitely not your fault.
Absolutely NTA
NTA
Her mother is just embarrassed that you had to do the parenting for her.
I wouldn’t say you’re the AH, but it isn’t your place to give personal products (like makeup, deodorant, soaps, lotions,etc…) to children without the consent of their parent/guardian. Your thoughts and intent was well placed, but it is crossing a line with what is/isn’t appropriate, because she is a minor.
Why is her mom pissed she’s using deodorant? Did she not have any before or was refused it?
NTA. But I would anonymously report the mom to child services since what she’s doing can ostracize the child and make her the target to mockeries, and not providing a teenager with Personal hygiene products it’s abuse.
NTA at all, it was a big sister thing to do
NTA
NTA
Clearly her mom isn’t teaching proper hygiene
That’s such a weird thing to be upset about.
It’s hard to say if you’re T A or not because you don’t describe HOW you gave it to her. For her mum to come around, it’s probably the case that the girl felt bad about the whole thing. Although maybe she just needed a little nudge, teens specially that age smell, hormones are going wild, they need deodorant more than ever but they’re also more sensitive to comments about their bodies. So perhaps if everybody just normalised what’s going on here, it’d be best for her.
She’s 13. A 13 year old should be allowed to decide to wear deodorant. She can walk into a store and buy it FFS.
NTA. If more people were willing to help educate and support kids when they have hygiene issues, there’d be less stanky adults in the world.
NTA. I’m gonna go ahead and assume you pulled her aside privately or were otherwise discreet so as not to embarrass her, and that it was a new stick (being loud or giving her something used unless she specifically wanted it would make you TA). This was a totally appropriate and honestly sweet thing for someone your age to do for someone her age that you know fairly well (as you probably do with your little brother’s girlfriend). It lets her know there’s a problem and gives her the solution — she can’t go around smelling bad, she’s going to start getting bullied at school.
Some parents do this really weird thing where they refuse to get their pubescent children things the child clearly objectively needs because they’re “too young for that.” It’s also common with bras on girls who definitely have enough boobs to need them, and let’s be honest, when I say “children,” this primarily happens to girls. My guess would be that Lily’s mom was doing that shit, which is why she perceives this totally normal interaction between teenagers as “parenting her child.” If she’d handled her daughter’s needs herself, it wouldn’t have been necessary.
NTA. I would want someone to do this for my kids.
You did a nice thing. I cant believe we live in a world where offering help to a smelly kid could be wrong. No one wants be smelly. Even if the girl has some kind of health issue, by 13 she should be aware of it, that also falls on her parents.
NTA
As a manager, I got to have this fun talk with an employee who was RIPE most days. So.. NTA unless there are perfume allergies involved.
This is one of those ‘public / private / personal’ space issues and the social contract. This is a friendly environment. When she goes to school, grows up, has work, relationship desires, this will be a charisma debuff in a pvp environment.
Nta, you’re being wonderfully supportive to a young girl trying to figure out her teens. You basically acted like a kind big sister and it’s weird that the mom challenged you about this.
NTA re: the girl’s mom at all, it’s not inappropriate for you to exchange that info with another teenager and it’s not really up to mom to make that call for her.
BUT, OP I am curious how that exchange went, did you just like hand it to her w a stink face and make her get the hint? That would have made me want to crawl in a hole at 13 if that happened at my lil boyfriend’s house, and grown up me would be like “yikes” if an older girl just straight up handed a stick of deodorant to my kid without comment. However, if it was more like “hey girl, big sister moment here, I have some deodorant you can use if you need it” – that feels different? Either way, you’re a teenager, these things are kind of awkward to navigate even for middle aged people, so don’t worry too much about it.
Nta.
She is 13 not 6. The fact she wears it says she liked it.
NTA. 13 is too old to not be wearing deodorant regularly. Plus she took the deodorant and used it, meaning that it was a good call. The mom is probably embarrassed that she was caught not providing basic hygiene products to her daughter, but that has nothing to do with you.
Is this girls mom a health nut? There’s a shit ton of chemicals that disrupt hormones amongst other things in deodorant and I’m wondering if the girls mom is against her using it, especially at a young age. That’s the only reason I could see this woman being upset, unless she’s a neglectful parent and it hurt her ego.
NTA. Mom should have bought it for her a long time ago. Tweens and teens are stinky creatures.
Because of your age, NTA. Although at any age it should be perfectly acceptable to tell a kid in the throws of puberty that they need deodorant. It’s a good deed!
But if you were a parent, the proper thing to do would have been to discuss it with the mom first. Maybe she’s a crunchy mom who thinks deodorant will poison her kid or maybe she is utterly embarrassed that she didn’t notice and will take care of it right away. If the mom refuses to fix the stinky situation then giving the child deodorant is something you have to decide if it’s worth the mom being mad (it is, stinky kids are stinky all the time but no one says anything). Sometimes it’s just that simple that parents don’t notice and don’t think such a young kid needs it.
Source: parent and former middle school teacher
NTA. I’m so sad her mom wasn’t already talking to her about it. That can put teens going through all those ~body changes~ in such an uncomfortable place
NTA, but it is for the parent or guardian to do for their child, not you. I’d say you overstepped, but it clearly wasn’t intentionally to hurt or offend anyone. Kindly explain that a 13 year old might very well need deodorant, and you apologize for overstepping, but that she needed it. Mom might not want to hear it, but she needs to, lol.
NTA
NTA. The mom probably doesn’t want to come to terms with her daughter growing up.
NTA at all. What you did was kind.
NTA — But more of a yes and no. Socially your mom is right, it’s not your place to educate someone else’s child. But given how the child reacted, it was the right thing to do for the benefit of the child.
Sometimes going against society’s tabus and norms is the only way to get people to see the problems, it is through these interactions that we set communication and interaction boundaries. You set one for the child, they are trying to set one for you. It’s your choice how you choose to approach that boundary in the future.
You gave her deodorant, not cigarettes and alcohol. NTA
NTA.
13 is old enough where hygiene issues can get you in trouble with school officials, not to mention the bullying. You did the kid a favor.
As a little girl who stunk, NTA!
My mom just refused said I wasn’t old enough to have BO even though I clearly did. Mind you I was in 2nd grade when this happened, the SCHOOL had an ASSEMBLY ABOUT IT and handed out Hygiene bags to everyone. I knew it was because of me. If the school feels like they can hold a rally about 1 stinky kid and hand out deo and tooth brushes then you can help you lil bro’s girl not stink at 13.
fuck sake. NTA
If Lily’s mom doesn’t want to parent, then someone needs to help her. I’m happy you did, since she clearly doesn’t get any positive parenting at home.
NTA. WTF? Poor kid. Both mothers are way outta pocket on this one.
NTA, you helped a child who was being neglected and the mom got pissy that you called her out on it
Nta,she is 13 not 3/5 ,at that age you start to smell,your body is growing,that isnt just about her ,is about the people arround her ,if she smels bad that is anoying to everyone arround ,so you didnt do anything wrong by giving her deorant ,
If Lily’s mom doesn’t want people providing her daughter with deodorant, she should have done so herself. This is a very small window into who she is as a parent but the fact that Lily just did not have deodorant available as someone going through puberty is a bad look. I could see how someone might be concerned about Lily’s feelings as having someone acknowledge your body odor is embarrassing but that doesn’t even seem to be what either your mom are hers are taking issue with so I’m not entirely sure what the problem is here. Regardless, you’re not the asshole. In fact, I’d say you did a really nice thing, even if it did cause some brief discomfort.
You gave her deodorant not alcohol or some other thing a 13 yr old shouldn’t have. Ypur brothers gfs mum is an AH for not letting her 13 yr old use deodorant. At that age kids get smelly and definitely NEED a deodorant.
NTA I don’t care if it over steps a parent and it should be the parents job. But it prices that the parent isnt paying attention to their child or they could just be one of those dumbass parents thst think oh it should be till older. Or its just plain child abuse. You did that child a favor they now won’t be the stinky kid in school.
NTA my teen brothers are so stinky and my parents apparently don’t notice and haven’t enforced them to use deodorant. I tell them to, but they obviously don’t listen to me as their oldest sibling. I’ve complained to my parents and my dad specifically is like “I’m sorry. I just can’t smell it.”
Petitioning right now to have strangers hand my brothers some brand new deodorant pleeeeaaase 🙏
NTA, you did a very kind thing. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t recommend doing this again because of her mother’s reaction. Her mother refusing to get her any when she clearly has body odor improved by it is an issue, but not one you can help. I wouldn’t want her mother to take it out on her if you continued this, were I in your shoes.
Giving someone deodorant with no promt is being an asshole lol
My daughter has started getting BO and she’s only eight. I got her deodorant because who the hell wants to be the smelly kid at school?? You did the right thing.
NTA