I (24F) grew up with 2 sisters so of course I was constantly forced to share everything especially food with them. My husband (27M) was an only child.
We live with his mom for the moment and what bothers me the most every time I bring home fast food or any other food for myself or the both of us, he offers it to his mother. I wouldn’t have an issue picking up something for her as well but when he goes and offers something I bought for myself that I was excited to eat it irks me a little bit.
Well recently I was really craving Italian food. Stuffed shells to be exact. My husband and I agreed to go pick up something from the local Italian place and bring it home to eat. Well we get home and he instantly offers his mother some of our food but this time I protested and said she can have some of his dish because I wanted mine for myself. He immediately got an attitude with me and said I wasn’t going to eat it all (the dish only had two large stuffed shells??) and told me I was being stingy. His mom I guess kinda read the room and said she would just have some of his. He then doubles down and basically tells her to take the other shell from my plate and puts it on her plate for her. This is was really irritated me because I then ended up still hungry after because half my dinner was given to his mom. He offered some of his to me but he KNEW I didn’t like what I got.
To conclude AITA for not wanting to share my food with her and was I being “stingy”
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I (24F) grew up with 2 sisters so of course I was constantly forced to share everything especially food with them. My husband (27M) was an only child.
We live with his mom for the moment and what bothers me the most every time I bring home fast food or any other food for myself or the both of us, he offers it to his mother. I wouldn’t have an issue picking up something for her as well but when he goes and offers something I bought for myself that I was excited to eat it irks me a little bit.
Well recently I was really craving Italian food. Stuffed shells to be exact. My husband and I agreed to go pick up something from the local Italian place and bring it home to eat. Well we get home and he instantly offers his mother some of our food but this time I protested and said she can have some of his dish because I wanted mine for myself. He immediately got an attitude with me and said I wasn’t going to eat it all (the dish only had two large stuffed shells??) and told me I was being stingy. His mom I guess kinda read the room and said she would just have some of his. He then doubles down and basically tells her to take the other shell from my plate and puts it on her plate for her. This is was really irritated me because I then ended up still hungry after because half my dinner was given to his mom. He offered some of his to me but he KNEW I didn’t like what I got.
To conclude AITA for not wanting to share my food with her and was I being “stingy”
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> I caught an attitude because my husband offered my food to his mom
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You have options:
Stop bringing home fast food so no one can have any;
Start bringing home enough fast food that everyone can eat some.
“Joey doesn’t share food!” OMG I totally agree with you. I think your hubby is the issue. You need a talk to him about what your feelings are etc.
I would eat mine on the way home 😂😂😂
Your husband is being courteous and polite. You are being stingy and quite frankly it makes you seem very unlikeable. Have you considered asking her before you go whether she’d like something so you aren’t sharing the food you expected to be able to finish and have enough for her? Have you considered eating out rather than bringing home food to eat in front of her? YTA imagine letting someone stay in your home and they act like this over offering you food. Not her asking, mind you, just someone offering it to you.
Next time order two entrees just for yourself or extra sides – “Just so I’m covered”.
Your husband is an ass. He should be asking mom if she wants food before you leave to get it. And taking food off your plate was a seriously dick move. Please show this thread to your husband once you get a bunch of replies. NTA
Why can’t you people just buy more food?
NTA
He can buy his mom food instead of offering yours. Its just incredibly rude.
You need to have a serious talk with him and he needs to respect your no and discuss this first instead.
This would be totally unacceptable to me
NTA. If your husband is going to offer food to a third person, he has to buy three people’s worth of food.
Is this the first time you voiced your feelings on the matter? If so, it may have just come out of nowhere for him. He may have been embarrassed. Thank goodness your MIL read the room and was willing to accommodate you, but he went overboard by demanding both of you do what he wanted. The fact that both of you capitulated has unfortunately reinforced him. Not sure what his issue is, or if it is cultural. But if this is the only situation in which he acts like a rude, controlling, intimidating jerk, then in future I guess you have some choices: only get takeout for yourself, if getting takeout for everyone be sure to take your time and eat yours at the restaurant before bringing their food home, or refuse to get takeout at all and.just cook at home or just go out to eat by yourself. If he complains that you aren’t bringing home food, be forthright about why. Tell him it is his job now to buy takeout for everyone. If he does, then ask him when he gets home if he is now going to forfeit half of his.meal to his mother now. Or you could be the mkre mature one and just let him eat his whole.meal in.peace like he never would let you do.
Anyone taking my stuffed manicotti is risking a fork in the eye.
NTA
He would have gotten a fork in the back of his hand if he did that to me! I do think it would be wise to ask her before you order though and make sure hubby pays to avoid this in future
Nta. You need a serious talk and set boundaries
Interesting because it’s usually an only child that doesn’t like to share. Also I understand the food thing from your perspective, of always sharing ,splitting portions so everyone gets some. But also interesting, you say ” EVERYTIIME”. SO if that is the case,and you live with her,bring food to eat at meal time,why not bring/ buy enough to share??? Unless the other person Mil has picky taste, food allergies, why not think.of her when ordering ? It seems rude to just sit down and not offer.
NTA. OP has every right to expect that food she buys for herself, or requests to be ordered for her, will be hers and hers alone to eat. Hubby should not be giving OPs food to his Mom. OP’s MIL should not feel entitled to OPs food, or any other thing the belongs to OP. The fact that OPs husband literally took food off her plate to give it to his Mom tells me that there is a massive issue here. Hubby has some very skewed priorities. My advice to OP would be to have a serious talk with her husband, maybe with a neutrl 3rd party like a counsellor present, to the tune of start prioritizing me and saying No to Mommy Dearest or I am going to find a good divorce lawyer.
INFO: are you paying to live in your in-laws house? Do you share meals otherwise? As in, do they cook for you or vice versa? Do you buy separate groceries and avoid overlap? If this happens every time you order out why don’t you just ask your ILs if they want anything before you order??
He really took food off your plate after you said no? That’s wild. NTA at all.
Good. And it is important to respect one’s mother, but it seems her needs to.learn that wife are different loves and different loyalties, and he needs to prioritize wife over mother.
NTA! This is a husband problem. Talk to him about it outside of the actual situation. If he won’t come to terms with you, I recommend ordering double every time you go out (as long as he pays) and take home a whole-ass meal for his mom. Every. Single. Time. Just pick one of your orders, and order double.
From now on, ask mom “We are getting food from blah blah, would you like something?” If she’s like my husband and says “I’ll just have some of yours,” say “Then I’ll order two because I want all of mine for myself.” When we go out to eat my husband always wants us to get different entrees so he can have half of mine and I half of his. I have started saying NOPE.
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My siblings would lick that food so fast no one else would touch it. (Big family, and this was true for ice cream cones.) Your DH is clearly an only child.
NTA Your DH needs boundaries. Plus he has better options. He can ask for her order. He can get extra food for his mom, “just in case.” He can share his own food. But your food is yours. Why does he feel entitled to give it away? He sounds very controlling- even his mom sounds like she didn’t want to get involved and take food from you, and then he made her take it. Ick. And then he tried to offer his food to you like he’s so wonderfully gracious.
Do you have your own car and money? I wouldn’t bring take out inside in this scenario, and if he wants to pick something up I’d only accept if he also paid for an order for his mom. His mom is not the problem here. It is kind to offer her food. The problem is your DH taking your food without asking you.
He’s an arsehole
NTA. I would lose my mind if someone gave my food away. Why does he think he has the right to do that?? Why is mommy more important than you? Why didn’t she insist she didn’t want your food? He’s a disrespectful jerk, especially to turn it around and try to convince you you’re being stingy. Wanting to eat enough food to be full that you bought for yourself is not stingy. What kind of trash man lets his wife go hungry so he can give mummsies a snack?
Do you guys even offer to get her something when you go out? Because if not, that’s just rude considering you either live there for free or for significantly less than living on your own would cost.
NTA Because honestly, it feels like a powerplay to me. Like, did he not think in advance that he should get enough to share with his mom when you were at the restaurant? How hard would it have been to think “oh, we should order an extra portion for mom!” No, instead he took food off YOUR plate to give it to his mom, and to me, it just feels intentional. If it really was just about sharing with her, he could’ve just given her some of his; the fact that he took your food away feels like a punishment of some sort, although I can’t really speculate what he’s trying to prove. To me, it feels like he’s trying to put you in your place, because if he really did just want to share with his mom, the logical response seems to be to get enough food for everyone, instead of expecting you to go hungry.
You need to sit him down and tell him that you do not care what his feelings on the matter and that he is not allowed to ever offer someone your food again or anything that you own or have. You need to be clear on this and any replies from him on “he think/ he feels” you reject and tell him his feeling on the matter do not matte because this is your personal boundary on things that belong to you and he must follow it no matter how he feels about it. If he does not show you this very basic respect you really need to rethink this relationship. This kindof disregard and disrespect of you and your wants and ownership simply does not work in a relationshi and will only escalate. You spouse should want to give you everything, they should not want to give away what you have.
Edit:NTA
NTA tell your husband to stop treating his mama and you like shit. He is being a cheapskate and not buying her a whole meal, he’s treating her like an afterthought. And then he takes half of your food and makes you look like the bad one when it was his fault in the first place
WTF! He took it off your plate? NTA and this guy is a huuuuuge mamma’s boy and not at all respectful of you, especially since he knows your willing to order something for her if he’d just ask. I’m one of those people who likes to share my food, but this would piss me off.
NTA. Notice he is only sharing your food and not his? He is the one being really generous with food that is not his to share. This isn’t about your sisters, this is about him being really inconsiderate to you.
Have a conversation with him during a time when you are not hungry. Make it clear that you order what you are going to eat, and do not plan to share. He is essentially making you go hungry so that he can feel good about sharing YOUR food. You have no problem ordering extra for his family, and he is welcome to share his own food. However, he is not welcome to offer YOUR food to anyone else.
Ask him why he is so insistent that the person going hungry is you? It is kinda weird, his taking from your plate to feed his mom. It is like he is signaling that she is just as important to him as you are.
If his mom were really reading the room, she would not have accepted your food.
Anyway, next time order two meals so he can feel like the generous son.
Your husband is a jerk.
Next time tell him – “You need to order something for your mom, because I’m going to eat my own food.” Then, when he tries this crap, you say – “We talked about this. I’m going to eat my own food.” Then turn to his mom “I’m sorry, I suggested we get you food, and son refused for some reason. I ordered the amount of food that I wanted for myself because son didn’t want to order food for you.”
Your hubby is being the AH. Refuse to share your food next time. Tell MIL to go buy her own. Tell hubby to get her some food. Damn
NTA. I am like Joey from Friends. He’d be stabbed in the hand with a fork if that were me.
I would have taken 75% of his food out of spite. Then pushed it around on the plate, and dumped it straight in trash.
NTA. You should have taken the good back and TELL YOUR HUSBAND to buy food for his mom.
Why can’t he share his own food?
I would have left and ordered a new entree for myself
Are you sure you aren’t creating a problem by not ordering more food?
Who cares if had siblings and he doesn’t. You are a guest in her house.
This can easily be solved by letting MIL know whenever you’re getting take-away and asking her if she would like any/ what she would like.
You order what you want (making it clear to husband that you will not be sharing yours), plus order enough food to include MIL. This ensures MIL doesn’t feel excluded (which is probably what is concerning to your husband), plus protects your right to not have to share your food.
When sharing living space with family, it’s important to be kind and fair about these sorts of things. The health of the relationships is more important than getting stuck on paying for some extra food. If my mum or my husband’s mum lived with us then I would always ask them if they wanted anything if we were getting take-away. It’s just common decency.
NTA but I think you need to have a discussion with your husband about how this is to be handled going forward. It might be useful to let him see the responses to this thread.
>I now realize the post is a bit confusing on whose house it is. His mom moved into our basement after his dad passed probably should have put that info in
You need to edit your post to reflect this information. Everyone is assuming that you’re living rent-free in your MIL’s house and so their conclusion is that you should be sharing your food. My opinion is that your spouse should not be taking food off your plate to give to his mother. If he wants her to have some of the take-out order, he should be sharing HIS food, not yours. In future, I would not be bringing take-out food home. Eat it at the restaurant or in your car. You mentioned in another comment that it is a “date night” for you and your SO, but it’s not an enjoyable date night if half of your meal is taken from you and you end up going hungry. No more date night takeaways until your husband learns to respect your boundaries.
NTA
You married a Momma’s boy. Y T A for not taking it back,
Tell him to order food specifically for his mom, if it is so important that his mother eats because you will be eating your own food from now on. Ask him why he’s so cheap that he won’t buy his mother food or share his own food with her. Ask him what kind of son won’t get his mother food?
Info: How long ago did your FIL pass away?
NTA does he only offer her YOUR food? Because it sounds like he’s happy to be generous when it’s not HIM missing out. Let him know that you don’t share, it’s rude as hell to offer someone else’s food to his mother, and that if he wants her to eat, he can either buyer her her own portion or share his own food.
he has no business offering your food to someone else. But why don’t you also being home some for her occasionally?
nta
Questions that come to mind:
Girl No! NTA
I grew up with a load of older siblings. Sometimes you had to literally fight my brother to get enough food.
I’ve been with my partner 10 years & they know to ask before they even think about eating my food.
Do you like spicy food and she doesn’t? I grew up in a house of 7 kids…so I get it.
I seriously just throw crushed red peppers on my food as soon as it lands on my plate. Takeaway always has extra spicy listed.
I would sit both of them down and directly say: my food is MINE. If you don’t like it…share w husband. From now on, assume I’ve spit on everything I bring home. Live w my cooties or DoorDash your own food.
I think it’s a bit rude to pick up take out and not ask if she wants something. I agree NTA and he is rude to you. I’m just saying he isn’t that thoughtful with his mom either.
Also, if he tries to gaslight light you and say you’re stingy…just agree w him and say yeah. Stingy w my food. Bet she’s happy I’m not stingy w shelter. 😑🙄
I would lose my mind if my husband kept offering my food to other people.
NTA. I don’t know if this is normal for your culture, but, speaking as someone from the States, this shows blatant disrespect for you. You need to have a sit-down with your husband and nip this in the bud, rather than wait until the next time you bring food into the house and there’s another fight.
I don’t understand. Why can’t he order some for his mom? It’s like a surprise every time y’all return to his mom’s house that his mom is there? Makes no sense. And tbh you should be having this conversation with him before this even occurs. Before his mom is in the room and he’s offering, you need to put down a boundary and uphold it. Then, next time, he already knows you aren’t going to share, and you take the food and leave.
This would all be easily avoided though, if you guys just bought more damn food??? Like if it happens every time, then buy food for the mom too?? I’m really just bewildered at why you guys can’t do that. If husband refuses, then this is a weird power play dynamic that he’s doing for mommy and you guys have way bigger issues than simply food.
NTA! You have to ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life though because it will happen again and next time it might be about something other than food….
NTA
Why doesn’t your husband just ask his mom if she would like something as well? And to FORCE you to share your food after you said no? Does he respect you at all? That feels very “head of the household”
NTA It sounds like your husband is trying to get you to eat less via subterfuge.
Your hubby is totally selfish. He gives your food away even when the inlaw would happily eat his instead. Have some more shells delivered to you and use HIS credit card to pay for it – it is HIS relative who ate the food.
From now on, either get what you want and eat it ALL before You get home, or walk in and goto a room with a lock and eat it there. Make HIM share his food.
And consider why you are still living with someone who let’s you go hungry. He clearly does not value you.
If someone tries to take my food when I got the amount that I want to eat I literally hiss at them like an angry goose. I am also happily married to someone who would never do this to me. NTA for being upset.
‘We live with his mom for the moment’…. I get it high tent HCOL etc. Do you pay rent? It appears from your complaint that you get food from outside quite often. If you know this is a thing he does ALL THE TIME then maybe you should factor that in and buy extra for mom. It seems kinda rude to just get for yourself anyway. If money is the issue you maybe shouldn’t be getting food from outside so frequently. Even without knowing the details….if you’re living at his moms house you should think of her too.
YTA
He might get my fork in his hand if he tried to take food off my plate!