AITA To begin, I purchased a house for my son and DIL. Son works in family business and the house payment is part of his salary. I spent $30K in Reno that he is paying back to me on a weekly basis. We agreed to a payment option and also to: that if he ever has the opportunity to pay it all off at once that would be great. He has paid over half of it back (which I appreciate) and still owes $10K. His wife has recently got $40K in inheritance. I asked for the remaining amount back because they have the money. Son proceeds to cuss me out saying I am disrespectful among other things. Now keep in mind I spent 4 months by myself renovating the house, did not ask them to pay for any labor. I even purchased a $7000 lawnmower (it was a gift) and so many other things. All I asked was to get my money back and they refuse by saying I’m just like a vulture; “I smell cash like a vulture smells roadkill.” And all I think about is money. Funny thing I didn’t hesitate to give them over $70K to get moved in and spent hundreds of hours making their house a home. But I’m the a$$hole.
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AITA To begin, I purchased a house for my son and DIL. Son works in family business and the house payment is part of his salary. I spent $30K in Reno that he is paying back to me on a weekly basis. We agreed to a payment option and also to: that if he ever has the opportunity to pay it all off at once that would be great. He has paid over half of it back (which I appreciate) and still owes $10K. His wife has recently got $40K in inheritance. I asked for the remaining amount back because they have the money. Son proceeds to cuss me out saying I am disrespectful among other things. Now keep in mind I spent 4 months by myself renovating the house, did not ask them to pay for any labor. I even purchased a $7000 lawnmower (it was a gift) and so many other things. All I asked was to get my money back and they refuse by saying I’m just like a vulture; “I smell cash like a vulture smells roadkill.” And all I think about is money. Funny thing I didn’t hesitate to give them over $70K to get moved in and spent hundreds of hours making their house a home. But I’m the a$$hole.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I do not believe that I’m the a$$hole. I feel that my son is ungrateful and he is in fact the a$$hole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Info: Why did your son say you were disrespectful and other things, at that moment? Did it have anything to do with the new $40K being his wife’s inheritance and not his?
YTA. Inheritance is not a marital asset. He does not have the opportunity to pay it all back right now because it is not his money. Good on him for being respectful of his wife.
YTA. If the house is his, it was wrong of you to ask for her inheritance to pay this debt. Stop financing his life. Pay him well for his work at the family business and let him get his own financing.
YTA. He still doesn’t have the opportunity to pay it all back at once. His wife got an inheritance, not him, and it doesn’t sound like she was part of the initial agreement.
Knock knock, the IRS is wondering – are you expensing the money you used to buy him a personal residence via business expenses on your company’s tax return?
YTA for not paying your fair share…
Yta you raised this jerk. Now quit babying him.
YTA. it sounds like you had a payment plan set up and they have kept up that end of the bargin . The if you have the money to pay it all off sounds more optional. Plusbits her inheritance not theirs .
Honestly id just apologize and repair the relationship.
That’s not his money, though.
YTA
YTA. This, btw, is why I didn’t tell my husband about my inheritance. It’s separate property and nobody’s business except the heir’s.
YTA it’s her money not his. Someone had to die for her to get it.
YTA for expecting the wife to give up her inheritance to meet your son’s obligation. I don’t understand what Reno has to do with the house in this scenario.
I strongly recommend you consult with appropriate legal representation as you clearly state this is part of his salary for your business. There are strict limitations on how this can be done and typically only applies in certain industries (in the US).
Who owns the house? If it’s son and DIL on title then NTA. If it’s son or yours then yes TA.
YTA. You didn’t have to spent $7k on a lawnmower (who TF spends $7k on a lawnmower??!), but her inheritance is none of your fucking business, and neither is their finances, especially if he’s paying what you intuitive l initially agreed on.
Sounds like there’s missing info in this story but based on the limited info have to say YTA. It’s not his money, his wife received it. He has otherwise paid you back exactly the way you agreed to. You helped him out when you thought he needed it. That should be it. If you expect something in return for it, that should have been clear up front.
YTA. You cited a gift as one of the reasons you need to be repaid.
Updateme
Sorry hun but you’re it. You did too much for them. And the wifey isn’t required to pay the remaining balance he owes. Stop doing stuff for them. No more loans. And if you need projects to work on volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Help someone who will appreciate it.
NTA for asking, but now that they’ve shown you how they really feel, stop giving them gifts and free labor.
However, if he agreed on a payment schedule for the amount you paid for renovation, then he’s not obligated to give you the money back any faster just because his wife got an inheritance.
YTA, you’ll get your money at the rate you agreed. Your DiL’s inheritance has nothing to do either with that agreement.
Several issues here. My goal is to be a blessing to my children. I have gifted them money at various points and
Yta, you had an agreement for a payment plan and then changed the terms. The wife’s inheritance is irrelevant.
YTA. That’s her inheritance, not his, and not yours. If he was in arrears for the plan y’all had set up, it might be reasonable to ask.
Yta it’s her inheritance, it’s not marital property.
ESH
Asking them to use inheritance money to speed up a payment plan is not cool
Name call and getting extremely upset over being asked to do so is also not cool
You didn’t get nothing in return. You got half of what your son owes you, on time and as agreed upon.
You’re the one who seems a bit grabby with his wife’s inheritance. Presumably your son will pay you the remaining $10K as quickly as they did the first half.
Do you want to have a relationship in future with your son and DIL? Do you want your son to continue to work for you? If so, I would stop your pity party and your energy totting up every nickel you ever spent on him. YTA.
YTA. You had arrangement, which it sounds like he is holding up his end on,that did not include anything regarding an inheritance his wife would get. If he is calling you disrespectful and whatnot,maybe he has a reason to call you that? It sounds like you give gifts with strings attached. You aren’t entitled to any of his wife’s inheritance.
Play the long game. Don’t harp on them about the inheritance. Let them pay you off. After that, never loan them anything or give them gifts like that again.
YTA.
Your son didn’t come into enough money to pay you back the remainder of the debt in one lump son.
Your DIL inherited some money, which is legally hers, not a marital asset. Your agreement was with your son. You’re indeed a vulture here.
It is asshole to ask the wife part of an inheritance. “It was a gift” why bring it up. Dont gift to family after this
Dude. Read that back. Pretend you’re a third party and don’t know any of the people involved. YTA. No question.
YTA.
Your DIL just had a family member die. Ease up.
You’ve been paid back more than 1/2 already and they’re on a payment plan. You’ll get your money.
NTA. Everyone is saying it’s her inheritance so keep out of it but isn’t it her house too? That’s the implication in my eyes at least, and yes there’s a payment plan but with an additional caveat that of they can pay it back early, they will. Notwithstanding missing info, they can pay it back so they should pay it back.
I’m a little confused if he’s gifted the house and is just getting repaid on the renovation or if it’s the whole thing but either way I think he’s perfectly entitled to request it if they’ve shared with him about the inheritance
Update: to give more context. The agreement for the money was with BOTH Son and DIL. She knew she would come into money one day and specifically said they would pay the loan off if she did. The problem is that I do a lot for them both equally and have always been very generous no questions asked. They both agreed to pay me in full once they could. But like I said when I asked I get cussed out.
NTA but stop spending money on these two. The next time they ask you for something tell them you are working on being less about the money because you really took their words to heart and realized that money and family don’t go together. Offer instead to find more time to spend together, maybe suggest attending a free outing together. Make sure they know that it’s thanks to them that you’ve stopped focusing on money, thank them for helping you get your priorities straight. When they melt down tell them you can see an unhealthy fixation on money developing in them. Offer to help them break free from it. Absolutely do not give them any more money.