Long story- TLDR at bottom
This past Sunday, my sister and my mom threw my fiancé a bridal shower. It was beautiful and everything went well and everyone had a great time.
Yesterday, my dad called me asking “did [fiancé] send sister a thank you text? I know she sent mom one but want to make sure sister got one too” (since she did 99% of the planning/work). I said “yes, but I’ll double check with her. I know she also text her about inviting her to tea as a thank you and is hand writing a thank you card”. Fiancé said “yes I text her on a group text” so I said ok and left it at that.
Later that evening my dad sent a huge text to our family group message (with my fiancé on it) stating (paraphrasing): “[sister] I’ve heard from so many people about how wonderful the shower was (lists names) I don’t know how you pulled it off between your work schedule”. When my fiancé got home last night I asked her to just acknowledge the message in the chat and say thank you again even though she already texted her, and she did.
Turns out- the group message she originally said thank you on the day of the party, my sister was not on it (my mom has like 5 different family group chats with different members all in them, and she thought she was on it). The original message was sent after the party while she was still overcome with emotions and feelings from the day. So I can understand how she didn’t notice she wasn’t on the chain.
My fiancé and sister talked today and everything seems ok with them. But this comment by my dad still has her wound up. Not sure why he couldn’t have called me again saying something like “are you sure? Sister said she hasn’t gotten any” and then fiancé would have quickly realized the mistake from Sunday and reached out!
Now my fiancé feels like she’s been “put on blast” by my dad and that there is now a riff between her and him/the family.
Also to note- AT THE SHOWER, in front of all the guests she thanked both my mom and sister for hosting it, again when saying goodbye, invited them to tea as a thank you, and is writing thank you cards.
I am at a loss of how to move forward/past this with everyone
TLDR: sister was hurt she didn’t get text from my fiancé after bridal shower- dad gave a jab/underhanded comment on family group chat
Comments
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Your family is weird. Your girlfriend is weird.
Why are you all posturing on social media?
Tell your dad she sent the wrong group her initial thank you text and to stop being weird about an innocent mistake. Your fiance already reached out about the mixup, but if she’s still worried maybe she can mention again at the tea with your mom and sister and they can hopefully explain there’s no bad blood.
Why do people need to be thanked in a group text in you have already thanked them in person.
You don’t thanks someone for social credit.
You’re making a big deal out of nothing, or there’s more to the story/history that you’re leaving out.
He didn’t say “I don’t know if anyone thanked you properly” or anything like that. He just said he’s heard it was wonderful and didn’t know how she pulled it off with her schedule. I would say that to the host if I went to a great party.
Good lord, how many times and in how many different methods does your fiance have say thank you to appease your family?! Tell your dad to calm down, everyone has been thanked
Why is your family being so weird about this? Your fiancee literally invited them for tea as a thank you, said thank you in person, and is also writing actual real thank you notes. Why is your dad being so weird about this? Move forward by thanking your sis yourself, telling her there was a mixup, and tell your dad that he’s being weird and that< as you said< he could have just *called you*.
Why is dad involved in this situation? It’s odd. One of my pet peeves is adults involving others in drama instead of just handling it themselves. Sister could have said something to Fiancée if her feelings were hurt and the whole thing could have been squashed immediately.
Your dad sounds like a busy body.
Tell your dad to knock off the passive aggressive bs.
Your dad is a shit stirring AH with the maturity of a middle schooler. How about he minds his own business?
“She said thank you in person, fucking drop it.” would be my go to for dad.
Have you checked with your sister whether this is coming from her or if dad is just trying to stir up shit off his own bat?
You know the problem with the younger generation, they weren’t taught Etiquette!
You might not remember what someone said or did, but you’ll remember how they made you feel! Your dad and sister will remember util the end or time!
I know with the cost of sending emails and text these days…. I’d be feel deeply unappreciated. You two aren’t mature enough to get married!
Oh yeah, thanks to every one that celebrate my marriage and for all the gifts…. 40 years ago! That should cover it!
I guess I’m old fashion. Seems to me a Bridal Shower is a lot of work WORTHY OF A THANK YOU CARD AND GIFT! I gave my Groomsmen 14k gold pens and thank you cards with a personal memory we shared. Yes, different for each one, and I had 12!
Good luck to your fiance, your family is drama!
How many thanks do they need. An in person thank you is so much better than a text, in my view anyway! Your dad should zip it. It didn’t concern him!
Your dad is an asshole. Standup for your fiancé and put him in his place. There is absolutely no need for repeated thank yous. You’re doing things for the wrong reasons if you want eternal gratefulness.
Your dad’s ruining his relationship with her and butting in where he doesn’t belong. Tell him to mind his own business. 2 adult women can work out a small misunderstanding on their own, they don’t require daddy to charge in and insert himself. You’re dad’s an AH.
My bridal shower was hosted at my aunts house by her, my mom, and bridesmaids. I thanked everybody in person, via text, sent flowers to my aunt with a card, and tagged everybody on fb. Apparently my aunt’s tag didn’t take, and my uncle threw an absolute toddler level tantrum about it. 12 years later my aunt has divorced him and is living her best life.
Tell your dad to fuck off.