I (28M) have been with my GF (25F) for 6 months now (4 months official). I have never had a fwb situation, so I don’t understand it as well, but this guy sometimes messages her or replies to her insta stories, and it’s not flirty now, but I’ve expressed to her that I’m not so comfortable with her occasionally responding to him, or with anyone she’s slept with in the past. They don’t see each other in person anymore, and she isn’t cheating really but I just don’t really like it. She says he’s just a friend, but with guys I don’t think his motives are entirely genuine with the sporadic contact. It’s not a huge deal, but just wanted some outside thoughts/opinions?
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Your concerns are valid. It is not innocent. If your GF is not willing to cut him out of her life, I think you have the answer to the question about who matters more.
You are too old to be worried about stuff like this. If she wanted to be with him, she would by. Who cares if he messages her. Like you said, it’s nothing inappropriate.
Tell her you dont date girls that keep contact with exes or guys she used to sleep with. If she does it again after then just break up. If you state a boundary for yourself and then the person you date crosses it, you have to make that hard decision to leave to protect yourself and stick to your values.