My 35f friend, Kathy52f recently lost her husband after a protracted cancer battle. They were married just north of 30 years. While his death was not unexpected, it was sudden and she understandably has been going thru it. He died in late Jan.
Kathy spends ALOT of time on social media and has recently met Logan 53M on what she calls TikTok dating. They have been texting and talking (voice chat only) since July 3.
Right off the bat, Logan told her that his wife and child had also died. He also told her that he makes 300k plus a year as a DoD contractor who specializes in building infrastructure all over the US and world. Logan says he holds dual citizenship (think Sweden/US) and that he’s only been in the states 30 Years and before that he lived in Sweden. Recently he’s been saying that he’s a billionaire. He says that he “inherited” his business from his dead dad who started it.
Kathy provided me the biz name as well as Logan full name and dude is a ghost. There is NO record of him at all online. Except for TikTok—where he has a profile but hasn’t posted anything. His biz isn’t listed on any DoD contractor/sub records. There is no biz page. NOTHING for the billion dollar company. Obviously, I’m suspicious.
I confront Kathy about this and she asks Logan. Logan says that he’s only been in the states 30 years so “he wouldn’t expect there to be much out there on him”.
Logan is in central CA on a job and Kathy has recently decided to visit him. Initially she asked me to go with her and I agreed. We were going to rent a hotel. However Kathy reached out yesterday to let me know that Logan had told her he is renting a BnB and she’s decided that she doesn’t need anyone to go with her and meet him.
In addition to the glaring red flag in Logan’s story, Kathy hasn’t dated anyone in 35 years. LET ALONE online!
I told Kathy that it’s unsafe to meet internet strangers for the first time outside of a public place (ESPECIALLY SOMEPLACE YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL TO). I told her that she needed to think with her head and not with her vagina because it was unsafe.
I suggested to Kathy that if Logan was as wealthy as he claimed he would be willing to put her up in a hotel for the first night they met and then take it from there.
Kathy is now not speaking to me. She says I disrespected Logan and her by questioning his integrity.
So my question is AITA for being suspicious of Logan and suggesting she ask him to pay for a hotel room?
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My 35f friend, Kathy52f recently lost her husband after a protracted cancer battle. They were married just north of 30 years. While his death was not unexpected, it was sudden and she understandably has been going thru it. He died in late Jan.
Kathy spends ALOT of time on social media and has recently met Logan 53M on what she calls TikTok dating. They have been texting and talking (voice chat only) since July 3.
Right off the bat, Logan told her that his wife and child had also died. He also told her that he makes 300k plus a year as a DoD contractor who specializes in building infrastructure all over the US and world. Logan says he holds dual citizenship (think Sweden/US) and that he’s only been in the states 30 Years and before that he lived in Sweden. Recently he’s been saying that he’s a billionaire. He says that he “inherited” his business from his dead dad who started it.
Kathy provided me the biz name as well as Logan full name and dude is a ghost. There is NO record of him at all online. Except for TikTok—where he has a profile but hasn’t posted anything. His biz isn’t listed on any DoD contractor/sub records. There is no biz page. NOTHING for the billion dollar company. Obviously, I’m suspicious.
I confront Kathy about this and she asks Logan. Logan says that he’s only been in the states 30 years so “he wouldn’t expect there to be much out there on him”.
Logan is in central CA on a job and Kathy has recently decided to visit him. Initially she asked me to go with her and I agreed. We were going to rent a hotel. However Kathy reached out yesterday to let me know that Logan had told her he is renting a BnB and she’s decided that she doesn’t need anyone to go with her and meet him.
In addition to the glaring red flag in Logan’s story, Kathy hasn’t dated anyone in 35 years. LET ALONE online!
I told Kathy that it’s unsafe to meet internet strangers for the first time outside of a public place (ESPECIALLY SOMEPLACE YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL TO). I told her that she needed to think with her head and not with her vagina because it was unsafe.
I suggested to Kathy that if Logan was as wealthy as he claimed he would be willing to put her up in a hotel for the first night they met and then take it from there.
Kathy is now not speaking to me. She says I disrespected Logan and her by questioning his integrity.
So my question is AITA for being suspicious of Logan and suggesting she ask him to pay for a hotel room?
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> 1. I told Kathy that it’s unsafe to meet internet strangers for the first time outside of a public place(ESPECIALLY SOMEPLACE YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL TO). I told her that she needed to think with her head and not with her vagina because it was unsafe.
I suggested to Kathy that if Logan was as wealthy as he claimed he would be willing to put her up in a hotel for the first night they met and then take it from there.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nah. Kathy gonna get her tail feathers scorched.
NAH
I highly doubt logan is what he says he is. Firstly, what billionaire is looking for women on tiktok. Secondly there’s no trace of him anywhere.
Thirdly if he was that rich he would pay for her.
She’s either about to be scammed or worse.
He makes 300k a year now hes a billionaire. She’s probably letting herself be blind to this because she wants to find someone else in life. I’d just lay everything out on paper and say does this actually make sense what he is saying. If you have mutual friends, ask them too.
I’d bet all my imaginary 300k a year that he’s going to get accidently imprisoned with an Egyptian prince and need to borrow 50k bail money ‘that he will pay back’
100% NTA. Online dating is very scary, especially when it’s with someone who’s so far away. At best she’s going to get her heart crushed or scammed out of money, at worst… well, who knows. At the end of the day, she’s gonna do what she wants, but you’re absolutely in the right for being suspicious of this person.
Nope. This is a scam!!!
> he’s only been in the states 30 years
What do you mean “only 30 years”? That’s a long fucking time.
NTA. It’s pretty clear that this is a scam and you have Kathy’s safety in mind. I really hope she sees that before something horrible happens.
NAH. I wish you’d approached this more gently with her but you’re not an asshole for seeing the red flags or for caring about your friend.
NTA. I don’t really blame your friend for being a bit naive after what she’s been through but at the point she puts herself in danger you really do have to say something. Any business in public contracting is going to have some trace on the internet, and as lucrative as such business may be, it isn’t billionaire lucrative, especially without a web presence. And heck, all internet trails have been created in the last thirty years because that’s about as long as most people have been on the internet.
Hopefully she comes around and understands you aren’t saying you don’t trust her, just that you don’t trust the internet and all the guys on it. You were certainly supportive by offering to go and back her up.
NTA.
This is a common relationship scam, it’s called pig butchering. If he’s not already asking her for money, he will be soon. Most people who fall for these are certain it’s true love and by the time friends or family step in, they’re obstinate because they want to believe it’s true, or they’re embarrassed they fell for it.
If you have other mutuals or know her family, get them involved and have an intervention before your friend gets scammed out of all her money. Sometimes her bank will be willing to help educate too. I work at a credit union, and we to help our Members with this all the time.
Once she breaks it off with “Logan”, more scammers will come out of the word work and try various other scam tactics. Vigilance, patience, and grace for your friend will be key going forward.
No one 53 is named Logan
NTA. You said your piece, and everything you said is correct. It’s going to be Kathy that learns an awful lesson.
NTA not your monkeys, not your circus. Kathy is about to learn a hard lesson.
NAH
Kathy’s in self-protective mode: she’s got a LOT of internal motivation to believe this isn’t a scam, because if it is then she DOESN’T have a new love of her life who’s going to make things easier with his money, and also she’ll have to feel like a pathetic idiot who let herself get scammed by a liar who never loved her
unfortunately it’s less painful for her to believe her good friend is just throwing accusations around because of jealousy, and it’s likely she’s going to cling to that in the face of all evidence
the more you’re able to play it off like “no no I never distrusted LOGAN! heaven forbid, I just read something where they recommend never giving money to a partner early on because it increases your chance of divorce by like 80%” (or a better dodge I didn’t just pull out of my ass), the less likely she is to pull away entirely & drop you from the loop
good luck, I’m sorry, this sucks <3
eta: or something like “yeah no just please do [whatever safety thing] for me because I’m paranoid and I’ve been bingeing a lot of true crime podcasts lately lol, just in case, so I don’t have to worry about you, you never know”