So my best friend, I’ll call her Lucy (Fem Lesbian, Blasian/Japanese & Black) has been in a relationship with Olivia (Masc Lesbian, Black) for 3 Years.
Midway through their relationship, Lucy’s older sister had expressed concern to me that Olivia may have an Asian fetish and is dating Lucy for the wrong reasons. Lucy’s older sister believes that Lucy is blind to all of this because prior to her dating Olivia she was lowkey desperate to be in a relationship, so is brushing the potential fetishisation under the rug because she’s finally in a relationship with someone. For context, Olivia has a long-standing obsession Japan and her interest in Japan predates her relationship with Lucy.
** Here are some of the things Lucy’s older sister has pointed out to me about Olivia:**
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Olivia’s interest in Japan specifically is very pop culture based but she doesn’t seem to have deeper interests in other cultural elements such as politics, traditional arts or architecture. She romanticises Japan despite never visiting.
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She’ll often sprinkle Japanese words or phrases into regular conversation, even when no one around her speaks Japanese and she hasn’t made any real effort to learn the language.
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She does things like using Japanese writing purely for aesthetic purposes. For instance, her Facebook header features a Japanese quote, with no English translation—simply because she’s obsessed with the culture.
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Olivia wants to be a social media influencer and has been attempting to go viral for a while now. When she ran out of ideas of what to post, she used traditional Japanese cultural elements as social media content without giving context or credit to the culture. It often feels more like she wants to insert herself into the culture rather than understand or respect it.
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Before dating Lucy, Olivia used to run a K-pop stan account with a sole focus on the girl groups. She would often post about how attractive the K-Pop group members were. She’s never shown much interest in male K-pop groups/idols.
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Early in the relationship, Lucy’s sister noticed on Olivia’s social media that despite following very few people, a disproportionate number of people she followed were East Asian, Southeast Asian and Blasian women. There was even one Blasian celebrity who has a strong resemblance to Lucy.
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Lucy, grew up in a culturally Japanese household as her mother is from Japan. She’s very close to her extended family there and visits Japan regularly. While Lucy also likes anime and K-pop, it’s not her central interest as she has a wide range of other things she likes.
So basically, Lucy’s sister isn’t fond of Olivia or the relationship and thinks that this relationship gives Olivia access to the culture she’s always been fixated on and tried to align herself with. In her eyes, Olivia sought out Lucy not just for who she is as a person, but for her proximity to Japanese culture. In addition to this, yes Lucy is Blasian, but her features are more distinctly East Asian and her East Asian heritage is immediately apparent, which may also play a role in Olivia’s attraction.
Another point Lucy’s sister made to me was that, when you consider how small the Japanese community is where we live (0.2%) and how small the WLW/Lesbian dating pool is, the relationship feels less like coincidence and more like intentionality that Olivia ended up dating a half-Japanese woman.
Initially, I believed Olivia and Lucy had simply bonded over shared interests (anime/kpop) and love of Japanese culture, and that was the natural foundation of their relationship. But when Lucy’s sister started raising her concerns to me about Olivia, my perspective on the relationship shifted and now I can 100% see where she is coming from. I really care about my friend and want her to be loved and appreciated, by the right person, for the amazing, kind person she is and not just desired on the basis of her ethnicity.
So to conclude, Do you think Olivia’s attraction to Lucy is purely about connection, or could fetishization be influencing and playing a role in it?
TL;DR:*
My best friend Lucy (Blasian: Japanese and Black, Fem Lesbian) has been dating Olivia (Black, masc lesbian) for 3 years. Olivia has a long-standing obsession with mainly Japanese pop culture that predates their relationship. Lucy’s sister believes Olivia may be fetishizing Lucy for her ethnicity and cultural background — pointing to Olivia’s use of Japanese aesthetics online, K-pop fandom history (focused on girl groups), her social media following patterns, and more. Initially, I thought they bonded over shared interests and love of Japanese culture, but now I’m not sure due to things Lucy’s older sister has been pointing out to me. I care deeply about Lucy and want her to be loved for who she is, not just her ethnicity. Do you think this relationship shows signs of racial fetishisation?