So I went on a second date recently with a girl who is a mutual friend of a someone I know. I like her. She’s fun, outgoing, seriously sexy.
I thought the second date went really well. We went out for some drinks then some food. We made out at the end. She said she’d love to do it again. I thought generally it had been a good one. And she’s still been texting me in the days after.
Except my friend recently told me that after our date she had headed to a party with some of her friends and my friend was there. He knows that she hooked up with a guy from the party the same night.
I’m Ngl, I feel a bit disgusted by this. Of course she can do what she wants. But… that just really puts a downer on everything to do with our dates. I don’t think I’d do that.
Not sure how to proceed
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If that’s beyond your boundaries, then you already know what you have to do.
Its not like she took someone else home after your 2nd date.
You can ask her about it if you’d like but you may not like the response you get
Proceed by not proceeding any further.
Poor investment.
A lot of people will come in and say that since you aren’t “exclusive,” what she does shouldn’t matter, so it’s up to you in the end.
Personally, I would just move on
Ask her if she hooked up with someone after your date to see how she responds then act accordingly
Look, everyone on reddit will tell you that you’re not “official” so you can’t make any demands. That’s why people’s relationships are in the gutter and never last. I find what she did as distasteful as you do. IF she was genuinely interested in you, she would not have fucked another dude two minutes after her date with you. Walk away from her. She’s not the one.
You don’t. While she’s free to do what she wants, you’re perfectly fine not engaging more after her actions.
Twice I’ve walked after finding out a girl I was interested in was hooking up with other guys. Just not interested in playing that game.
Just don’t proceed.
Some girls are like that. I had a girl I was FWB with who brought me gelato that her second date bought HER, and she even texted me to ask what flavor I wanted before she came over for sex.
Just tell her you don’t want to see her again and move on.
That would be a nope for me.
She can do what she wants. But so can you. Clearly you aren’t compatible so it’s okay to back away and move on and recognize y’all have different values when dating.
Niiiiiiiice. That was very thoughtful of you to get her all warmed up for the next guy she encounters a few hours later. Sadly this is actually more common than you think.
She’s making you work for it but meanwhile she’s giving it away for free to some dude at a party because he gives her the tingles. Cut your losses. Ghost, block and move on. Let some other sucker play her game.
Bruh. Move on.
You literally feed her to give her strength to fk the other dude.. lol
It sounds like you either don’t have compatible views on sex and dating, or you’re not looking for the same thing. Perfectly good reasons to not proceed any further.
That’s the girl you find her phone number on the bathroom wall. That’s not for dating, man.
I’d feel disgusted and disappointed. There’s a better lady out there for you I’m sure.
Red flag! if the genders were reversed, people would be saying he’s a dog, dump him. I would tell her you know she hooked up right after your date and that she’s clearly not looking for anything even remotely serious. You can follow that up with, “if you wanna bang you know my number.”
Feeling disgusted by that is completely reasonable. If it were me I’d move on.
Nopity noppeee nope nopeeee
Sounds like it’s time for you to have sex with that guy too. /s
I agree with a lot of what has been said although in this day and age it’s probably worth having a conversation about exclusivity, if you proceed any further.
To me, this really is dependent upon your moral values and whether they align with hers and her actions.
As a woman I would never do that. It’s just… ugh. Make out with you and then sleep with someone else the same night?? Gross and distasteful
Talk with her. Offer to meet up for coffee or drinks and see if she is into that, and then simply talk to her about what your friend told her.
You don’t need to tell her that you’re ‘disgusted’, cause yes, she is her person and you’re not dating. However, you can tell her that you thought you both had something going and you were looking for more.
You at least need to let her know what kind of relationship you’re looking for, cause maybe she isn’t looking for something inclusive.
Like a lot of the commenters have said, it’s totally up to you what you choose to do and you have every right to be upset about this situation. However, even though your friend told you, I think you should at least give her the benefit of the doubt and have a chat and hear it from her directly.
You can feel however you feel about it. In today’s dating culture, there seems to be something of a consensus that until you’re exclusive all bets are off, but that doesn’t mean you have to be all in with someone who acted that way. Personally, I think it’s kind of questionable that she went out on a date with you, hit it off, then went to a party and hooked up with someone else the same night. I wouldn’t go further, but that’s a decision for you to make
I mean technically you guys aren’t exclusive. But I would at least verify if she actually was at that party. And then have a conversation with her about exclusivity. Or you could just break things off. It is only a two date investment.
She’s free to do what she wants, and you are free to stop seeing her because of it. In fact you don’t even need a reason.
But you could check with her first. Probably not the best idea to trust other people blindly either.
Dip bro. She’s having sex with another guy you while yall are talking. Dip before you get invested. You don’t have same morals – she’s a lot wilder than you. This ends poorly and probably with you heart broken. There are plenty of fun, outgoing, seriously sexy ladies who won’t go have sex with some guy after she j made out w you.
Step back and think abt that for a second. She made out with you and hours later slept with another guy. YOU DO NOT WANT HER. You said yourself it disgusts you.
You got one much better coming but leave that space open for the one that’s amazing for you. I believe in you bro 🤙
You know her.
You like her.
But she is skank.
What do YOU do?
You proceed by never going on another date with her, and instead going out with somebody else.
You went on two dates. Unless she told you after the date, “let’s just be friends”, you should absolutely pass on this girl (well, in that case you still should).
Cut your losses now
Don’t feel bad man. I heard a story that some dude had a couple good dates with a girl, kissed her good night and dropped her off. He was only like a few minutes down the road before he realized her jacket was still in his backseat so he turned around to return it to her. It had only been like 15 minutes since he dropped her off but when he knocked her on door to give it to her, her FWB was already there! 🤣
You could stay with her for a casual fling
Just offer her fwb and if she don’t want that then keep things platonic as you’ve got mutual friends
Well she’s showed your her morals and ethics. I would ghost her, she’s not a long term girlfriend material.
I think the gist of it is that she wasn’t as in to you as you are to her and isn’t feeling as strong of a connection as you. That’s it. Nothing wrong with that from either ends.
she can do what she wants just like you can
If that disappoints you, then that is not the girl you want to start seriously dating. Move on for your peace of mind.
Unless the guy friend is jealous and is trying to put a wedge between you and that girl, don’t go on a third date.
If she liked you and needed her itch scratched, she could have had sex with you instead of some random guy from a party.
I don’t get the logic behind “I’m not going to have sex with him for a while so he doesn’t think I’m easy” and still sleeping around.
I’ve no idea how we went from “I’m seeing someone so until we part ways, I’m not putting myself out there” to “Until we’re officially a couple AND we agreed to be exclusive AND we pinky swore AND I didn’t have my fingers crossed, etc., I can fuck whoever I want”. I’ve no idea, but I hate it.
Luckily, there are plenty of people who don’t subscribe to that notion and you don’t have to settle.
Yeah, she’s gross my guy. Don’t be fooled by the sugar frosting hiding the rotten cake inside. She’s putting on a show for you while giving it up to strangers. Move on and ghost her
Dudes are so hypocritical.
Some people have different opinions on relationships. When all are taken into account, none are wrong, none are right.
If you are not comfortable with how she conducted herself after your date, you’re not obligated to continue the relationship.
She may not have considered how her actions were perceived but that is not your concern. This is a learning experience on both your parts.
While you never had the “exclusive” talk, IMO if someone is genuinely seriously interested in someone else, they wouldn’t sleep with other people right after a good date.
And if they did; it’s probably a good indication of their morals. But most likely, she’s just not that into you as you her.
If she was genuinely interested in a future with you, she wouldn’t have done that.
You don’t have to be official for someone to respect you. I think perhaps your values dont align with hers and it’s best to find that out now.
Got the free food and affirmation from you, then went and got some seriously sexy sex from some guy who didn’t have to pay.
Doesn’t sound like she’s ready for what you’re looking for. Keep the chin up.
Most likely scenario, she likes you and wants to be exclusive with you, but until you both agree to that then she’s free to sow her wild oats. She’s trying to get it out of her system before she gets serious with someone.
My advice? Don’t give her a third date. Tell her you heard she hooked up with a guy at a party, and that you’re no longer interested.
You just learned more about her personality and values. Do you still want to date someone like her?
Sounds like you lit the fuse. Why in the world didn’t you just continue the date?
Hi Op, like she can do what she wants, you can do it too. And I think that you just found you that you two are not a good fit. You seem to take much more seriously relationships than her. I’m also like you. Just say that and do not advance any further. Find other women, that like you, have the same understanding of relationships.
I would get another date just for sex, but a really cheap one. And then dump her. Because, why not.
Well, now you know how STD(s) happen. Just becareful.
Whatever matters to you, matters to you. If this is a big deal for you then don’t see her anymore. For some it would be, others it wouldn’t. You don’t have to explain why you find it off putting, and you aren’t going to see her anymore.
women do that at 25 and then wonder why all men treat them terribly.
Sorry, OP, cut your losses
If it’s not something you can get over, then it’s probably best to break up now.
If you don’t like it move on. Pretty simple.
He could be her fwb, he could be another guy she’s been dating, he could be the reason she was at that party in the first place, an ex, or whoever. For me it wouldn’t really matter. If I’m dating someone I don’t expect them to be sleeping with anyone else while we’re getting to know each other. While I agree that “technically” we’re not exclusive in the beginning unless it’s overtly discussed, personally I only talk to one person at a time. While I could dismiss someone talking to someone else in the beginning, as soon as we start moving to a physical relationship I’m not really ok with him engaging in physicality with anyone else, whether it be kissing or fucking.
If you see things like I do, I think it would be best to tell her you think she’s cool but you don’t think you’re a great match, since you have mutual friends. If she presses it you can tell her that you know she’s dating other people while you’re talking and you personally just aren’t really comfortable with that. Wish her the best and tell her you want to stay friends.
Move on. Sure she can do whatever she chooses. But figuratively speaking, you paid $100 for a burger you didn’t even get. Chad paid $5 and cleaned house. 😂😂😂 I’d feel the same. For all the women who want to downvote this, if a guy did this to you, you would absolutely not give him a second chance. Don’t lie!
No you’re right this is disgusting and she can get you sick. Abort.