I (23F) recently moved into a new place and decided to host a small housewarming to celebrate. I don’t throw parties often, so I really tried for this one.
For context, I don’t smoke weed (it’s legal where I live). Most of my friends do, and I’m totally fine with that. I just personally don’t like being high, and I’m also very sensitive to the smell, especially on my clothes. I can tolerate the smell on other people, but I try to avoid being around active smoking as much as possible so it doesnt get into my clothes.
Since this was a party in my home, I assumed there wouldn’t be any smoking. I didn’t really thing about what they would do, but I imagined they’d either smoke beforehand or skip it for the night. Instead, one of them rang the doorbell and immediately asked where they could smoke. They didn’t even say hi or come inside. The others, who had carpooled with them, went straight to the backyard and bypassed me completely.
I followed them outside because I didn’t want to be alone inside while my guests were all outside, but I felt really out of place. They were talking about weed: strains, relative strength etc, and I couldn’t really participate in the conversation. I felt super isolated, even though I was physically there.
When they came back in, they were clearly high, they were mellow and kind of checked out. We tried to talk, but I had to keep jump-starting the conversation because they wouldn’t engage. As soon as I stopped trying, they left. They were only there for about two hours, even though our usual hangouts go way later.
It honestly felt like they prioritized getting high over spending time with me, and once they weren’t high anymore and had to interact sober, they dipped. I’m planning to confront them, but I feel like I might be the asshole because smoking is a big part of our group and I’m the odd one out.
So… WIBTA for confronting them about their getting high at my housewarming and barely engaging with me?
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I (23F) recently moved into a new place and decided to host a small housewarming to celebrate. I don’t throw parties often, so I really tried for this one.
For context, I don’t smoke weed (it’s legal where I live). Most of my friends do, and I’m totally fine with that. I just personally don’t like being high, and I’m also very sensitive to the smell, especially on my clothes. I can tolerate the smell on other people, but I try to avoid being around active smoking as much as possible so it doesnt get into my clothes.
Since this was a party in my home, I assumed there wouldn’t be any smoking. I didn’t really thing about what they would do, but I imagined they’d either smoke beforehand or skip it for the night. Instead, one of them rang the doorbell and immediately asked where they could smoke. They didn’t even say hi or come inside. The others, who had carpooled with them, went straight to the backyard and bypassed me completely.
I followed them outside because I didn’t want to be alone inside while my guests were all outside, but I felt really out of place. They were talking about weed: strains, relative strength etc, and I couldn’t really participate in the conversation. I felt super isolated, even though I was physically there.
When they came back in, they were clearly high, they were mellow and kind of checked out. We tried to talk, but I had to keep jump-starting the conversation because they wouldn’t engage. As soon as I stopped trying, they left. They were only there for about two hours, even though our usual hangouts go way later.
It honestly felt like they prioritized getting high over spending time with me, and once they weren’t high anymore and had to interact sober, they dipped. I’m planning to confront them, but I feel like I might be the asshole because smoking is a big part of our group and I’m the odd one out.
So… WIBTA for confronting them about their getting high at my housewarming and barely engaging with me?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole if i confront them because I didnt spell out a no-smoking rule and smoking is a big part of our group.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA and you need some better friends
NTA, and they suck. You don’t smoke ANYTHING at someone’s house without asking permission.
NTA, but I wouldn’t bother with the confrontation. If weed is so important to them they are either going to get defensive or they won’t care. Friends like this are not worth the effort. Take the loss and let them go. Find friends that will respect you and your space.
Typical stoner behaviour and attitudes. Perhaps some new friends to hang out with who aren’t stoners?
“I assumed there wouldn’t be any smoking.” You assumed wrongly. To, after the fact, call them out for something that they usually do and that you did not inform people would be unwelcome in your new home strikes me as a bit unfair, bordering on A**H***. YWBTA
Either make some new, sober friends. Or better yet, moving forward, make your expectations more clear.
It sounds like they asked for permission when they asked where they could smoke? What did you say to that when they asked? Surely you didn’t say no and they just went to the backyard and smoked anyways. Maybe you were talking too much and killing the buzz. I don’t feel like anybody is the asshole here maybe they just aren’t compatible friends for you.
You could do that but you might find yourself with fewer friends if you do. This is a group of friends who smoke weed. You are part of the group but you don’t smoke weed. So, how is this weed smoking handled the other times you have gotten together, you know, your usual hang outs, do they happen at someone’s house or in a public place? I ask because the location may be important. Like in a bar you might engage with them as they are not smoking weed in the bar. But at someone’s home that allows them to smoke in the house, how do you avoid the smell? I think confronting this is just not a wise thing to do. You can mention it in passing without passing judgement and ask that in the future should they come to your home to please make it a point to smoke before they arrive, not while they are there, as a nicety to you.
NTA and i think if you are able to approach the convo from a perspective of setting boundaries and expectations for future gatherings at your home it might benefit y’all’s friendship in the future!
If you let a bunch of high people drive away from your house YTA.
If they walked, NTA.
NTA. Maybe get some friends who aren’t stoners.
They were the entire party?
YTA
You invite people over knowing what they’re into and tried to force them to do something else? They probably left because you were being overwhelming trying to get things “started” but they were just trying to chill.
If your so against it, make it clear from the start. They’re stoners this what they do.. Just be happy anyone showed up to your home, because they were the only ones that did.. house warming parties are so childish.. Come here look at my house, listen to my music, watch what I want, talk about what I want to talk about..
That’s not a party
NTA but it seems pointless to confront them. It sounds like they don’t really care about you, unfortunately. I know it’s easier said than done, but I’d drop them and find better friends. They’re rude.
NTA, but I wouldn’t bother confronting them. It’s okay to drift apart from old friends. Congrats on the new place!
NTA, and basically describes every interaction I’ve had with anyone who smokes. They can claim it’s not addicting all they want but it’s always been all they think about and talk about from my experience.
Is it worth it?
You are NTA if you do but it’s not changing anything that happened….
NTA and you need a new group of friends.
NTA but don’t waste any more effort on these “friends”. Just ghost them and move on