I (26M) went out with my friends a week ago to a party. It was a really good time – we all vibed out and socialized as much as our introverted group usually does.
Party ended and we went to a restaurant at 3PM (it was a morning party) where we sat for about an hour before my friend abruptly stood up and walked from the table while fuming.
I asked what happened – one of my other friends asked him if he has any product recommendations for hair thinning because he’s going through the same thing…
So I got up and walked over to my other friend who was upset thinking that this would be resolved with a quick acknowledgement and tap on the back…boy was I wrong.
He started CRYING – begged me to take the cash to cover his bill and hugged me saying he’s going home. I know it’s the alcohol but even then that’s a bit much. I gave him some space and let him disappear – 20mins later I paid the bill and chased him down (I turned on his location sharing before he left) into the subway station.
Tried to talk some sense into him again thinking that he’s sobered up a bit. Nope – he is LIVID. Leaves the group chat on the spot and says he’s NEVER talking to anyone in the group again because no one ever respects him.
Here’s the thing…it’s the first time it’s escalated this far but everytime he gets drunk it’s always a chase. He runs around left and right – my conscience is not strong enough to let him roam because I keep running through scenarios in my head of him never getting home. Frankly I’m tired of it.
The rest of my friends show up to my location and he starts yelling at everyone saying that’s it’s disrespectful to ambush him like this. How we are treating him like a raging alcoholic (which he is) and how we should all be ashamed of ourselves.
He leaves again and everyone’s about to chase him when I stop them and say he isn’t our responsibility anymore. I was just done with him al together. His location eventually showed him back in his house which alleviated some of my anxiety but I my night was ruined worrying about him.
The next day like usual he apologized for acting out of order – again said he didn’t remember what exactly happened. It’s crazy because when he is sober he is NOT this person at all.
Anyway – I told him that I appreciate the apology but I think we need to keep some distance for now and that it might be best he doesn’t come to my birthday party next week.
He said I was being unreasonable and that he can guarantee he’ll handle himself well. I replied that I can’t guarantee it so that’s not good enough for me.
He said I was a shitty friend for only seeing him at his worst (which is often) and that I have no right to act like he’s a problem.
My friends agree that he did too much but think revoking the invite was an AH move by me.
AITA?
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I (26M) went out with my friends a week ago to a party. It was a really good time – we all vibed out and socialized as much as our introverted group usually does.
Party ended and we went to a restaurant at 3PM (it was a morning party) where we sat for about an hour before my friend abruptly stood up and walked from the table while fuming.
I asked what happened – one of my other friends asked him if he has any product recommendations for hair thinning because he’s going through the same thing…
So I got up and walked over to my other friend who was upset thinking that this would be resolved with a quick acknowledgement and tap on the back…boy was I wrong.
He started CRYING – begged me to take the cash to cover his bill and hugged me saying he’s going home. I know it’s the alcohol but even then that’s a bit much. I gave him some space and let him disappear – 20mins later I paid the bill and chased him down (I turned on his location sharing before he left) into the subway station.
Tried to talk some sense into him again thinking that he’s sobered up a bit. Nope – he is LIVID. Leaves the group chat on the spot and says he’s NEVER talking to anyone in the group again because no one ever respects him.
Here’s the thing…it’s the first time it’s escalated this far but everytime he gets drunk it’s always a chase. He runs around left and right – my conscience is not strong enough to let him roam because I keep running through scenarios in my head of him never getting home. Frankly I’m tired of it.
The rest of my friends show up to my location and he starts yelling at everyone saying that’s it’s disrespectful to ambush him like this. How we are treating him like a raging alcoholic (which he is) and how we should all be ashamed of ourselves.
He leaves again and everyone’s about to chase him when I stop them and say he isn’t our responsibility anymore. I was just done with him al together. His location eventually showed him back in his house which alleviated some of my anxiety but I my night was ruined worrying about him.
The next day like usual he apologized for acting out of order – again said he didn’t remember what exactly happened. It’s crazy because when he is sober he is NOT this person at all.
Anyway – I told him that I appreciate the apology but I think we need to keep some distance for now and that it might be best he doesn’t come to my birthday party next week.
He said I was being unreasonable and that he can guarantee he’ll handle himself well. I replied that I can’t guarantee it so that’s not good enough for me.
He said I was a shitty friend for only seeing him at his worst (which is often) and that I have no right to act like he’s a problem.
My friends agree that he did too much but think revoking the invite was an AH move by me.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I revoked my birthday invitation, maybe that was too harsh of an outcome
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. it’s YOUR birthday party, and if you’re not comfortable with him being like that THAT often, he needs to learn how it drives people away
Soft the AH depending on how long you’ve known him. If he is a homie from back in the day, you could have swilled out one more birthday with him, then started fazing him out. If he is just a dude you’ve been hanging out with for a while, stand your ground.
NTA
It’s time that “friend” learns that his drunken behavior has consequences. This is not a one-off event. It’s a pattern and he needs help from a therapist or a 12-step group.
NTA. It’s your birthday and you’re entitled to not want that kind of disruption and drama. Your friend clearly needs to stop drinking.
NTA your “friend ” is out of line. He might be great when sober, but needs to know that his drunken rampage have consequences
There are people for whom alcohol creates a Jeckle and Hied situation. They are kind, fun, great people, until they drink (often hard liquor). Something in their wiring is just wrong and their personality changes. They can become mean, cruel, argumentative, etc
I had a good friend with this problem, and asked my father about it. He explained what I have above and said the best thing was to simply not be there when it happens. I took that to heart and as soon as he became abusive, I’d leave the bar. It was sad, but it was all I could do. NTA.
NTA
He is doing exactly what he sets out to do, which is to make himself the center of attention. If he has a pattern of being problematic due to drinking, you are making the right decision. He has a right to drink what and how much he wants and to act as he wishes but with that comes consequences. He needs a wake up call.
Your birthday party is to celebrate you.
NTA. With alcoholics 9r any other addict, they eventually chase everyone away with their own behavior. That’s what he’s doing. He will now blame all of you for his behavior and use it all as an excuse to drink more. They aren’t willing to accept any responsibility for their own actions. And for your own mental health, you really should cut him off entirely.
NTA
I’m coming into this with experience with alcoholics. My brother is one. Great guy when sober, not so much when drunk. He has to lose everyone to realize it himself. You made the right decision. It’s going to hurt, but hopefully he gets help, and maybe you can mend some bridges then.