I am trying to move alone, I currently live with my mother and sisters, the situation at home is always chaos and I am honestly fed up, I have a part-time job and doing the math I would be able to live in a small room alone, limiting myself in several things but it works out for me, I told my boyfriend and he would prefer that it be together or that I put up with the toxicity of my house while he defines himself, we have been dating for 8 years (if I know, that is quite a lot) and the conversations with people end in “and because they haven’t gotten married” he doesn’t have a stable job, sometimes he doesn’t have a stable job, there are even times that I give him money for food or internet, which made me question his idea of getting together, I feel that if I agree he will never formalize anything, I feel that he is going to settle in and when he doesn’t have income everything will fall on me which I don’t want, I feel bad for thinking like that, he treats me very well and is practically my best friend, but there is that economic situation that I honestly don’t like, added to the long years we have been dating and people’s comments about long courtships… So I don’t know what to think…
I told my boyfriend that I don’t want to live with him
r/Advice
Comments
Your instincts are right and you answer your own question.
TLDR had a girlfriend tell me this, she wanted to live on her own for awhile (she still lived with her parents). She broke up with me about a year later and moved in with her new boyfriend and married soon after. Last I heard they were having a lot of marriage problems!
Stick to your plan to live alone. Your instincts that he will become dependent on you are very likely right.
One thing you may want to do is discuss the future as a couple. If he wants cohabitation he needs to get his shit together – and keep it together. That means he needs to find a full time job and be fully self supporting on an ongoing basis before any cohabitation takes place.
That being said, you also need to ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with a guy who you keep giving money to. Love does not conquer all. If you ever want to live with a partner (does NOT have to be this partner), you need to consider whether he will ever be in a position to be a fully contributing member of the household. After 8 years, he may never be.
you want to live alone and yet you both have been on the back burner 8 years?
you know how dumb that sounds?
most people would have left but he stayed.
think about that.
Is there a future where you can see yourself living with him?
Your fears would 100% come true. Don’t think for a minute he won’t turn into a leach that you’re supporting. He already is one. If he hasn’t found himself in eight years, guess what? It not gonna magically happen in the next one or two either.
You should absolutely move out for yourself and start doing more for yourself and less for your family and BF. Priortize yourself and your own happiness for once