I (21f) live with 3 roommates (4 of us in total) in a house we’re renting for college. The whole situation has been extremely agreeable as we made extensive plans for who would be paying what, and situations for after the house was paid off, all in all a great deal for all 4 of us. We also make dinner plans very easy as the day before we pick where to go and who all will be paying.
One of my roommates, Kate (21f), however, has been acting rather strange and frankly annoying about our eating out. Whenever only 1 person is paying for all of our meals it’s usually for a special occasion or just something small like fast food, well Kate takes advantage of that and will pick out things she know no one else will eat and order a LOT, that’s not the main issue tho, the issue is that she’ll only eat a couple bites then bring the rest home then proceed to NOT EAT THE LEFT OVERS. It was really getting on all of our nerves.
One day I wanted to take every one out to celebrate making it through the school year so I took us somewhere nice (an awfully expensive place for even one person might I add) Kate did her usual shenanigans and ordered 2 different dinner items and an appetizer, she took a couple bites of each, then said she was full. I was pissed but I ignored it so we could have a good night.
Well now it’s dinner time the next day and she hasn’t eaten anything from her left overs so I go to her and tell her that because it was expensive I expect her to either eat her leftovers by dinner tomorrow or pay me back for her portion of the meal (I save my receipts for tax purposes so I knew her portion was around $70) she got mad and said that it was rude to ask for that when I offered to pay in the first place. I then told her that if that was the case I just wouldn’t be paying for her meals anymore, I’d pay for the others but not hers. She got mad, screamed at me and stormed out to go spend the night at her bf’s apartment. This was a few days ago and she’s still bitter to me now.
I feel like I was setting a rightful boundary but I’m typically a people pleaser so I can’t tell if I was actually being rude. AITAH?
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I (21f) live with 3 roommates (4 of us in total) in a house we’re renting for college. The whole situation has been extremely agreeable as we made extensive plans for who would be paying what, and situations for after the house was paid off, all in all a great deal for all 4 of us. We also make dinner plans very easy as the day before we pick where to go and who all will be paying.
One of my roommates, Kate (21f), however, has been acting rather strange and frankly annoying about our eating out. Whenever only 1 person is paying for all of our meals it’s usually for a special occasion or just something small like fast food, well Kate takes advantage of that and will pick out things she know no one else will eat and order a LOT, that’s not the main issue tho, the issue is that she’ll only eat a couple bites then bring the rest home then proceed to NOT EAT THE LEFT OVERS. It was really getting on all of our nerves.
One day I wanted to take every one out to celebrate making it through the school year so I took us somewhere nice (an awfully expensive place for even one person might I add) Kate did her usual shenanigans and ordered 2 different dinner items and an appetizer, she took a couple bites of each, then said she was full. I was pissed but I ignored it so we could have a good night.
Well now it’s dinner time the next day and she hasn’t eaten anything from her left overs so I go to her and tell her that because it was expensive I expect her to either eat her leftovers by dinner tomorrow or pay me back for her portion of the meal (I save my receipts for tax purposes so I knew her portion was around $70) she got mad and said that it was rude to ask for that when I offered to pay in the first place. I then told her that if that was the case I just wouldn’t be paying for her meals anymore, I’d pay for the others but not hers. She got mad, screamed at me and stormed out to go spend the night at her bf’s apartment. This was a few days ago and she’s still bitter to me now.
I feel like I was setting a rightful boundary but I’m typically a people pleaser so I can’t tell if I was actually being rude. AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m typically a people pleaser and her being very upset at me for multiple days makes me think I might have crossed a line
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re not the asshole. She’s taking advantage of your generosity and it’s unfair.
NTA. But it’s time to set some boundaries. She orders an appetizer AND two meals?! And you let her?!
Common sense is not so common unfortunately. If someone offers to pay for a meal, you don’t go hog wild and over order. You match what they order. (Or as reasonably as possible.)
Or is that just me?
NTA
Not the a-hole, by a long shot. She’s incredibly entitled and wasteful.. she’s just pissy that people caught onto her clever little scheme and she has no excuse for it. Let her be moody- that’s not the kind of person I’d ever want to associate with if I can help it. Taking advantage of others like that is such a dick move.
NTA, she isn’t following the basic rules around treating people to a meal (like not buying yourself more than one meal). If she just got an expensive dinner and took home the leftovers and didn’t eat them, that would be potentially annoying but not really your business. It is a gift. But your friend is taking advantage of your gift by buying more than one dinner. So I think the answer is to go either separate checks for all, or to establish that you are treating your group to one dinner (and an appetizer or two for the table, and a drink – however you want to handle it) and if they want anything extra, they need to order it separately. That way there aren’t surprises. Sorry that your housemate took advantage of a nice system.
NTA never pay for her food but what on earth is wrong with her if she does this all the time. Is it a power play.
Tell her you agreed to pay for one meal each person and she ordered two so she should pay for her second one
Also, if you do ever pay for her again then you flat out limit her to one meal and no appetizers on th front end and say anything above that you need a separate check
On what planet could you possibly be the AH, here? I genuinely want to know.