Yes, I’m being serious. I don’t remember most of the exact dialogue; the stuff I do is in quotes. I’m not misrepresenting anything that happened or turning it in my favor. That wouldn’t give me an accurate answer and I’ve been wanting an answer for years.
I was sitting down in the lounge at my college and one of my friends (let’s call her Leah) came over and asked if I could go get her some food. She’d been asking me to do things for her all day, so I was annoyed and said no. She asked why not, and I said, to quote exactly, “I’m not your boyfriend.” For context, generally her boyfriend does this sort of thing for her, but he was out of town for the weekend.
Looking back, it wasn’t very nice, but my thought process was that she needed to do things for herself. She was annoyed, but she went and got her food and I thought it was over. I’m not the best at reading social cues, so I’m not sure exactly if her reaction, “whatever, I’ll do it,” was anything more than annoyance. The real problem happened later when Leah’s friend “Tricia” met her later and asked her what was wrong.
Tricia and I had a bit of a thing between us. We were supposed to go on a date the following weekend, and we studied together all the time. But as soon as Leah told her what happened, she stopped speaking to me. Like completely. She refused to acknowledge my presence other than to insult me. I knew I’d done something wrong, but again, bad with social cues, so I asked her to tell me what I’d done so I could avoid doing it in the future. She didn’t tell me (Leah had to tell me later), and didn’t interact with me again for three days straight. When she finally talked to me again, she didn’t apologize, and she said she would “forgive, but not forget. This is a strike on your record.” The next weekend, she told me she wasn’t interested in dating and just stopped hanging out with me.
Thankfully it didn’t cause any real rift in our friend group. Leah actually sought me out between classes the day after the incident to apologize for Tricia’s reaction. Leah apparently had never seen Tricia react to anything like that before and said she wouldn’t have said anything if she’d known what would happen. I apologized to her too, and we’re still on good terms.
I’m still not sure what happened with Tricia. AITA or was she in the wrong?
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Yes, I’m being serious. I don’t remember most of the exact dialogue; the stuff I do is in quotes. I’m not misrepresenting anything that happened or turning it in my favor. That wouldn’t give me an accurate answer and I’ve been wanting an answer for years.
I was sitting down in the lounge at my college and one of my friends (let’s call her Leah) came over and asked if I could go get her some food. She’d been asking me to do things for her all day, so I was annoyed and said no. She asked why not, and I said, to quote exactly, “I’m not your boyfriend.” For context, generally her boyfriend does this sort of thing for her, but he was out of town for the weekend.
Looking back, it wasn’t very nice, but my thought process was that she needed to do things for herself. She was annoyed, but she went and got her food and I thought it was over. I’m not the best at reading social cues, so I’m not sure exactly if her reaction, “whatever, I’ll do it,” was anything more than annoyance. The real problem happened later when Leah’s friend “Tricia” met her later and asked her what was wrong.
Tricia and I had a bit of a thing between us. We were supposed to go on a date the following weekend, and we studied together all the time. But as soon as Leah told her what happened, she stopped speaking to me. Like completely. She refused to acknowledge my presence other than to insult me. I knew I’d done something wrong, but again, bad with social cues, so I asked her to tell me what I’d done so I could avoid doing it in the future. She didn’t tell me (Leah had to tell me later), and didn’t interact with me again for three days straight. When she finally talked to me again, she didn’t apologize, and she said she would “forgive, but not forget. This is a strike on your record.” The next weekend, she told me she wasn’t interested in dating and just stopped hanging out with me.
Thankfully it didn’t cause any real rift in our friend group. Leah actually sought me out between classes the day after the incident to apologize for Tricia’s reaction. Leah apparently had never seen Tricia react to anything like that before and said she wouldn’t have said anything if she’d known what would happen. I apologized to her too, and we’re still on good terms.
I’m still not sure what happened with Tricia. AITA or was she in the wrong?
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> I believe I might be the asshole because I said that I was “not someone’s boyfriend” and this caused someone involved to refuse to interact with me for days.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
What?! You are allowed to say no, and if it’s enough to trigger Tricia, you’re lucky you found it out before you were dating. The sarcastic response came after Leah was told no and pressed for an answer when she was perfectly capable of getting her own food.
NTA and glad it hasn’t caused any rifts in your friends because it shouldn’t. That’s crazy.
What happened? A girl you liked was looking at you as a prospective partner and then you treated her friend badly and she decided “yeah, I don’t want to be with someone who is a AH to my friend.” You made yourself unattractive to her in the fastest way possible. Learn from your mistake if your romancing a future partner don’t treat her friends like dirt. There were nicer ways to tell Leah you weren’t going to assist her. You may not be her “boyfriend” but she only asked you for things because she thought you were her “friend.”
You could have said, “I’m sorry but I’m busy and can’t get you food,” or you could just say, “Nope. I can’t get you food right now.” Instead you decided to be snarky and rude and she told her friend who instantly thought “Ew, what a AH. Why was I going to go out with him?”
Your relationship with Tricia was new and you left a bad impression, your friendship with Leah is older which means you had good will to get past it.
YTA, take this lesson to heart. If a woman is about to date you and sees you treat another women rudely much less a friend your going to make yourself unattractive to her.
“IM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND”
-Chowder
NTA btw, your friends wildin.
NTA sounds like it’s shark week
I wonder what Leah told Tricia.
It’s hard when people just assume you know.
Maybe saying you weren’t her bf wasn’t the idea.
You could have said ‘you are asking me for too many favours’.
Maybe Tricia thought you aren’t a thoughtful guy unless you are dating someone? Some guys won’t lift a finger for a woman unless she is sleeping with him. A transactional attitude.
No way to know.
NTA. We don’t always think of the perfect thing to say in the moment.