I (16f), have a cousin my age. My stepmom (62f) is her grandma. (Weird dynamic, I know). My cousin has been dating a girl for almost a year now; I’ve known she was gay for a while. My stepmom, however, did not. She is very homophobic, and thinks it is completely morally wrong to be gay. She had no idea my cousin was gay until she went to her birthday party where she met her girlfriend. She FREAKED. My stepmom came to me and asked if I had known, which I told her I did. She started to cry and asked, “how could you keep this from me? You are my family; you’re supposed to tell me these things”.
I do not feel like it was my place AT ALL to tell her that though; which i explained to my stepmom, but she kept countering with that same argument. She barely has contact with my cousin anymore, and was upset for weeks because I didn’t tell her. I feel like maybe I should have warned her or let her know. AITA for not telling her earlier?
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I (16f), have a cousin my age. My stepmom (62f) is her grandma. (Weird dynamic, I know). My cousin has been dating a girl for almost a year now; I’ve known she was gay for a while. My stepmom, however, did not. She is very homophobic, and thinks it is completely morally wrong to be gay. She had no idea my cousin was gay until she went to her birthday party where she met her girlfriend. She FREAKED. My stepmom came to me and asked if I had known, which I told her I did. She started to cry and asked, “how could you keep this from me? You are my family; you’re supposed to tell me these things”.
I do not feel like it was my place AT ALL to tell her that though; which i explained to my stepmom, but she kept countering with that same argument. She barely has contact with my cousin anymore, and was upset for weeks because I didn’t tell her. I feel like maybe I should have warned her or let her know. AITA for not telling her earlier?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I knew my stepmom would freak out and I hid the fact my cousin was gay from her for months. She told me I was wrong for not telling her in advance. Am I the asshole because I didn’t tell her my cousin was gay?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA Not your news to tell.
NTA Your cousins personal business, it is not hurting anyone else or herself, she gets to decide when to tell people.
NTA. You made the right choice by not outing your cousin to her.
And given how poorly she reacted when she found out, I suspect your cousin had delayed telling her for a pretty good reason.
NTA. It’s not your truth to tell. It’s not your job to mollify a parental unit.
NTA at all. There’s a reason you knew your cousin was gay and your stepmom did not. It’s because your cousin didn’t choose to personally disclose this info to your stepmom (because it’s not her business). I know that certain members of my extended family are LGBT and I also know that there are members of my extended family who are not aware of the sexuality of every other extended family member. It’s not for me to go around telling everybody everything about everybody else, and it’s not for you to have to do that either. Your stepmom is TA in this situation for being homophobic and for freaking out about your cousin’s sexuality. Your stepmom sucks.
Never out someone without their permission! You did the right thing!
NTA
NTA
It’s not your business to tell….and not hers to know until she’s told.
NTA. Not your pony, not your rodeo
It’s none of her business, plain and simple.
NTA.
> I feel like maybe I should have warned her or let her know
No, it isn’t your place to – just like you said earlier. Moreso the thought of outing a gay person to a homophobic person is horrific, never do that.
NTA
NTA. everyone should be in control of who and how they come out. You did the right thing by not outing them, especially because they have unsupportive family members.
Your stepmom is your cousin’s grandma and she thinks being gay is morally wrong?
NTA. Your cousin didn’t tell her for a VERY valid reason.
NTA.
“Why would I have to tell you? What’s the big deal? Why do you care?”
Not your place to tell her.
NTA. It’s not your business, not your story. It was up to cousin to tell who she wanted to tell.
NTA. It’s not your job to tattle on relatives.
NTA up to your cousin to share
NTA
You did the right thing for your cousin by protecting her from someone who is homophobic. And it’s not your place to out someone even to family. You were right.