I (26F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for a year now. We were broken up for about a month because we were both just in different places and needed to regroup. We got back together and now things have drastically changed. Before in our relationship we were fine financially. I would always try to contribute, pay for myself but he insisted to pay for everything I wanted/needed. Even going as far as to bump me out of the way when I try to pay for my items. It would turn into fights because I don’t want to seem like a gold digger if he’s paying for everything. Eventually I just have in because he insisted. Now that we’re back together apparently money is a big issue and he’s struggling financially to the point where we don’t even see each other more than once every other week because he doesn’t have money for gas. I was supposed to spend the weekend with him and asked if we could go on a date because we hadn’t been on one since we broke up a month ago. He said no and then told me things are going to change a lot financially. I said, “so no more dates.” We called today and he told me his plan financially which basically cuts our dates to zero. Basically stating we can either hang out for a long time and do nothing or we can go to dinner once.
The part where I may be TA is when he told me his plan I was confused as to where this financial trouble was coming from. Before we were fine and since we broke up he’s been working a lot more and has gotten a raise so i’m confused as to where all that money is going. He got another credit card and spent $300 on unnecessary items. I was genuinely confused so I asked, “Why would you max out another credit card when you’re already having financial problems? That’s just another bill you’ll have to pay back.” He got mad and accused me of being a gold digger and wanting him to spend all his money on me when we’ve literally talked about me wanting to spend my own money in the past. Should I not have said anything?
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I (26F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for a year now. We were broken up for about a month because we were both just in different places and needed to regroup. We got back together and now things have drastically changed. Before in our relationship we were fine financially. I would always try to contribute, pay for myself but he insisted to pay for everything I wanted/needed. Even going as far as to bump me out of the way when I try to pay for my items. It would turn into fights because I don’t want to seem like a gold digger if he’s paying for everything. Eventually I just have in because he insisted. Now that we’re back together apparently money is a big issue and he’s struggling financially to the point where we don’t even see each other more than once every other week because he doesn’t have money for gas. I was supposed to spend the weekend with him and asked if we could go on a date because we hadn’t been on one since we broke up a month ago. He said no and then told me things are going to change a lot financially. I said, “so no more dates.” We called today and he told me his plan financially which basically cuts our dates to zero. Basically stating we can either hang out for a long time and do nothing or we can go to dinner once.
The part where I may be TA is when he told me his plan I was confused as to where this financial trouble was coming from. Before we were fine and since we broke up he’s been working a lot more and has gotten a raise so i’m confused as to where all that money is going. He got another credit card and spent $300 on unnecessary items. I was genuinely confused so I asked, “Why would you max out another credit card when you’re already having financial problems? That’s just another bill you’ll have to pay back.” He got mad and accused me of being a gold digger and wanting him to spend all his money on me when we’ve literally talked about me wanting to spend my own money in the past. Should I not have said anything?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for asking why he would max out a credit card knowing he doesn’t have money to pay it off?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA He hasn’t learned financial responsibility yet…or maturity if he accuses you of gold digging just because he’s embarrassed he can’t afford to date.
Can you afford to take him on a date?
Why are you wasting your time???
Dates don’t have to cost a lot, or anything really with a bit of effort and imagination.
It sounds like he has a few financial problems and honestly quite a bit of growing up to do. NTA as that’s a very good question. Did he lash out due to embrassment maybe?
NTA, but stop wasting your time with him. Y’all aren’t on the same page.
NTA. Why are you dating a sexist, controlling, verbally abusive man who is also financially irresponsible?
Sounds like a very drastic change which could indicate some red flags for you. It could be very minor like partying too hard when single, meeting someone who was high maintenance to mental health conditions or even drug use.
See if he willing to spend time on free things like watching a movie at home, walks or any free activity in his area that you can get to. If he can’t afford his time, then there is another issue.
Do you even want to be with a personal that calls you a gold digger? Work out if you want to be in a relationship with him and decide your action from here.
NTA. How can you be a gold digger when he’s got no gold? You broke up because things were bad before, what’s changed this time around that makes it worth being insulted by this financially irresponsible guy that doesn’t seem to like you much?
NTA, he’s shown you who he is, why put yourself back into your current predicament? It seems this relationship has run it’s course, it’s time to move on
Gold digger with a broke guy? Money was not an issue before because he had room on his credit cards. Now they’re maxed.
NTA, is this guy really worth the trouble? If the answer is yes, gain some self esteem.
Please tell you aren’t any older than 22.
NTA. You should have stayed broken up. Your boyfriend seems immature.
Red flag. Don’t marry this loser. Get out now since you were taking a month break anyway and don’t go back. You will regret it financially down the road!
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