Hey guys
(Using South African Rand ZAR)
So I’m currently 16 years old. My family is in a really tough financial situation and in a lot of debt. According to my parents , we’re really struggling to make ends meet.
Because of this ,my mother currently does a few stalls on behalf of an NGO for a small salary. I work with her and help her set up the stall, etc and earn half of what she does (R500 and R250 respectively). It’s not exactly regular money and we got paid per day of work. But I do have an income
I want to work overseas considering the current economy and job market so am hoping to study over seas. Hence I am taking the A-Levels alongside my NSC certificate. My parents couldn’t afford the extra R12000 for the exam ,so I had to go from door to door to businesses to ask people for financial help. Which I have done and collected enough for this year ,thankfully.
I’m finishing my A-Levels this year (in one year , God help me) . However ,I’m technically in grade 11 and wanted to finish highschool here , mostly for the experience. However , my mother wants me to apply for university next year or start working until I get an acceptance from one of the universities I’m considering overseas.
I told her I’d prefer to do grade 12 finished and she didn’t like it but didn’t argue. However, I feel like this became part of why she was angry with me because my parents don’t want to pay for the year of schooling.
After this , I’ve been working and did save up around R3000 which she told me I have to use for my driving lessons. I agreed ,but had extra cash and used it a few times to buy for myself milkshakes and stuff (+/- R300). She recently found this out and she says she feels betrayed because everyone else in the household is making so much sacrifices (we don’t eat out often, we scrounge with food ,etc,etc) and I should’ve rather given her the money to pay for the household.
I feel this is a bit unfair. I do understand we’re struggling and she feels it was very selfish because I also didn’t share with anyone and ask her for data (this happened when the lights got cut) without paying her back for it.
My parents really have a horrible relationship with money and she gets really upset over any amount of loss, threatening to make us pay for petrol and stuff when we go out. We usually don’t actually pay, but it’s clearly something she feels strongly about.
I told her I’d pay her back for the data and want to offer to monthly help out with he household , but I am a bit hurt and indignant about the whole situation.
Am I really the asshole?
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Hey guys
(Using South African Rand ZAR)
So I’m currently 16 years old. My family is in a really tough financial situation and in a lot of debt. According to my parents , we’re really struggling to make ends meet.
Because of this ,my mother currently does a few stalls on behalf of an NGO for a small salary. I work with her and help her set up the stall, etc and earn half of what she does (R500 and R250 respectively). It’s not exactly regular money and we got paid per day of work. But I do have an income
I want to work overseas considering the current economy and job market so am hoping to study over seas. Hence I am taking the A-Levels alongside my NSC certificate. My parents couldn’t afford the extra R12000 for the exam ,so I had to go from door to door to businesses to ask people for financial help. Which I have done and collected enough for this year ,thankfully.
I’m finishing my A-Levels this year (in one year , God help me) . However ,I’m technically in grade 11 and wanted to finish highschool here , mostly for the experience. However , my mother wants me to apply for university next year or start working until I get an acceptance from one of the universities I’m considering overseas.
I told her I’d prefer to do grade 12 finished and she didn’t like it but didn’t argue. However, I feel like this became part of why she was angry with me because my parents don’t want to pay for the year of schooling.
After this , I’ve been working and did save up around R3000 which she told me I have to use for my driving lessons. I agreed ,but had extra cash and used it a few times to buy for myself milkshakes and stuff (+/- R300). She recently found this out and she says she feels betrayed because everyone else in the household is making so much sacrifices (we don’t eat out often, we scrounge with food ,etc,etc) and I should’ve rather given her the money to pay for the household.
I feel this is a bit unfair. I do understand we’re struggling and she feels it was very selfish because I also didn’t share with anyone and ask her for data (this happened when the lights got cut) without paying her back for it.
My parents really have a horrible relationship with money and she gets really upset over any amount of loss, threatening to make us pay for petrol and stuff when we go out. We usually don’t actually pay, but it’s clearly something she feels strongly about.
I told her I’d pay her back for the data and want to offer to monthly help out with he household , but I am a bit hurt and indignant about the whole situation.
Am I really the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I bought myself milkshakes with my own money
2) my mother feels I am wrong to do this and is currently angry with me because she believes we should’ve used it in the household because we’re in a bad financial situation
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
imma be honest, i dont understand how people ay they have money problems but then have a shake every noe and then. you say you dont eat out often. if money is tight why you eating out at all??? buying food and making it yourself is much cheaper and much healthier. you shouldnt be buying shakes. but then yu are only 16, that makes it bit different. you have a bit of your own money and you want to but something yu like from time to time. hard to say thats wrong when you do work for your money. i would say NTA but consider cutting on expenses if situation is really tight. you can get by without shakes, come on. they not that good for you anyway. when you finish school and get steady job you can have all the shakes you want. for now if it upsets your mom just dont do it. or at least do it in secret if you really want. not too often maybe, but dont let them know. htat might be best for you atm actually. just dont take this as advice to start lying to your parents, its not that. im just saying if you really want to have something for yourself from time to time but your mom is like that and it upsets her then just dont let her find out
NAH. If money is so tight, it’s understandable your mother is upset about you buying milkshakes. OTOH you’re sixteen and working hard, it’s understandable you’d want a treat now and then. I mean, even Charlie bought a couple of chocolate bars.
The household bills are not your problem. You are a child. I understand your parents wanting you to contribute every now and then. However, it really isn’t your responsibility as a CHILD.
Do not feel ashamed for treating yourself every now and then. You work for your money, and you earned it. You seem like a good kid, and I don’t want you doubting yourself over a shake!
Study away from home and live your own life. When you are able to, send money back if you want.
NTA for buying milkshakes
Consider offering a standard amount of ‘rent’.
This means you can still control and manage your money, and save up for milkshakes if that’s your priority.
It’s lovely that you want to help out.
I also wouldn’t feel great about putting all ‘extra’ money towards the household. It doesn’t feel like that’s teaching good money skills.
Just sit down and agree on what you’ll pay, and how long for. Once you move out, you’ll no longer be paying rent and they won’t be paying for your food (if that’s the case).
Then, no more asking you to pay extra for petrol or whatever, or if they want you to, they can sit down and have a discussion about it.
She’s worried about having enough to pay for bills. Pay your mom for the data, and it is good that you are able to give her an amount monthly she can count on. Her life sounds hard. Don’t let the small stuff bother you. Keep going for your goals. And when you can, help your parents out as you do better and are successful in life.