Let me start by saying. In September 2023 he lied about being in a car with an ex-fling he had from work before he and I started dating. CONTEX FOR THAT: He and ex fling are still friends with a lot of the same people from work. The dynamic of his office is that a bunch of people will meet up at a nearby bar on Fridays and Saturdays… She ends up there so it’s not like they’re there together. One particularly late night he gave her a ride home and didn’t want me to know about it. I found deleted texts then got the apology. That was 2023. We’ve grown a lot since then on my trust for him has gotten a little bit stronger.
Fast forward to now. He works out at the gym near to his home. He’s made friends with a group of three girls. Now they even have a group chat. I’m not trying to sound like a super insecure person, but our age difference does make me somewhat insecure. I just know that things that start an innocently can evolve over our time… Especially at a place like the gym.
I just don’t find it appropriate. I always ask him. How would he feel if I made a friends with some random strangers at the gym with a bunch of guys? He can never really answer.
So. I don’t want forbid him from talking to others females. That’s never been me and I’ve never been the jealous type. But it just really gets under my skin. Especially the group chat. Is this appropriate? Am I being dramatic? Help!
EDIT: I should’ve added that. I actually have talked to him about this and he thinks I’m overreacting. But he does know that I think it’s out of line.
TLDR: my boyfriend who is 10 years younger than me is friendly with a bunch of girls at his gym and it’s bothering me.
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You do want to forbid him from talking to other girls maybe if you say what you mean and mean what you say it will help..
Why don’t you work out with him?
There is a lot wrong with giving his ex a ride home alone and not wanting you to find out and the fact they are still close friends. If he was trying to cover that ride home up he has likely covered up other stuff to. If its bothering you then you need to tell him. So the gym girls are all part of a group chat with just him as the only guy in the group? Do you trust that he’s not cheating or not? Has the sex declined recently?
Your context is important for this, because he already broke your trust in some way once already, and it has very likely paved the way for you feeling weird about this situation now.
Does he have male friends? I do find it odd that he’s friends with three women but no guys. I’d feel kind of weird about it too.
Has he ever suggested introducing these women to you or hanging out together? If there’s nothing dodgy going on then he should surely be excited to introduce you to his new friends…
He’s already broken your trust once and honestly, after its gone its hard to get back.
I think it’s shady as hell for a grown man his age to befriend random females anyway but thats me. Co workers ect are fine but random women from the gym. Nope.
Does he befriend guys at the gym? If not then you know what he is doing is shady
I think this is over.
If you feel the need to police your partner for you to feel emotionally safe in the relationship, it’s not a happy, healthy relationship. Can you imagine a life with this person where you never think about his group chats or who he may be talking to when he isn’t with you? I think what you’re missing is the security that comes from being shown consistently that your partner thinks of you when you aren’t there, and prioritizes the health of your relationship over validation from others.
Words are intentions, acts are facts. How does he demonstrate his commitment when it’s not convenient? How does he go out of his way to show up for your emotional bond? That’s how we build emotional connection, intimacy, and trust. That’s the work that earns unshakeable confidence in your partner.