I just need some gentle advice. Will probs delete this post later.
My husband of 11 months been together 6 years prior and now have an 8 month old asked me to get his phone from the nightstand as he was with our baby in the lounge I said sure. As I got it he has the rise to wake feature and it reveal texts on Lock Screen from a female that I have no idea who she is. I got a little curious as I’ve never heard of her before. Anyways it said sorry I missed your call last night (?) I’ll call you at 3pm they were late off work. We were together all night except he did go for a haircut and then I went to the gym so I can only assume one of those two times he called this girl.
Anyways last night he went out to an event at a nightclub with friends.
I then decided to follow up on this texts from yesterday when he showed me his phone for a photo this morning. I saw the texts were deleted. I then recovered them and he had messaged her back saying he will be busy at 3pm if she calls but he there is an event on and if she can come with her friend to meet at the event. She said sure. The texts weren’t much but he invited her to this event and he just told me he was going (I didn’t get an invite). I then saw he planned the night around her arriving to town to meet and that was written in the message and then he went to another nightclub to meet her.
He didn’t come home until 5am and nights with the baby have been really hard for a while and I’ve kinda had to take the brunt of it all and I’m exhausted usually Saturday night he will take over if she wakes but it was just me again. (He also doesn’t drink alcohol or anything like that).
So yes I asked him about last night and he said he was just with his male friend all night and that he went to another club. And he apologised for being out so late and made a lie that he was waiting on his friend to take home from the hours of 2am to 4am. I know it’s a lie because of the texts but he doesn’t know I know.
I never had suspicions on him before and our relationship has been good despite the challenge of baby life.
I’m worried if I confront him he will just lie and I’ll never know the truth if it was innocent or he did more ? I did take photos of the texts he deleted so I have evidence.
Im only 8 months postpartum this honestly sucks 😞 would he be cheating? I’ve told him my boundaries on these sorts of things so I’m confused and a bit shocked.
Comments
Yes he is definitely cheating … it’s best to leave now.
You said “if I confront him, he’ll just lie and honestly you might be right but here what’s still in your power trust your gut and evidence you already know what you saw. You’re not crazy you don’t need a full confession to feel hurt or betrayed you saw enough.
Yes, he’s cheating. No, cheaters won’t change. Please get tested for STDs. Best wishes.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this especially while juggling postpartum exhaustion. From what you described, it doesn’t look innocent. The deleted texts, the invite to the club, lying about who he was with those are major red flags. You’re not overreacting for feeling hurt or confused. You deserve honesty and respect, especially now. Whether or not he physically cheated, he’s hiding things, and that matters. Trust your gut, and when you’re ready, bring it up calmly with your receipts. You don’t have to decide everything right now just take one step at a time.
He’s cheating. You just had a baby and you probably don’t have sex with him anymore and definitely stopped giving him blow jobs.
He’s too immature for a serious relationship if he’s going out all hours of the night and leaving his family at home.
Don’t worry too much about it. It’s not like uncommon.
You should get a divorce though. Cheating is something that a relationship cannot recover from.
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First of all I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Eight months postpartum is already a rollercoaster, and carrying the weight of baby care while also feeling blindsided like this is incredibly painful. You deserve rest, respect, and transparency.
Now, based on what you’ve shared, I think it’s fair to say your gut is already telling you something is off and I think you should trust that instinct. He deleted the messages, lied to your face about the night, and planned the evening around this woman… that’s a lot of red flags, even if nothing physical happened. Emotional dishonesty is still betrayal.
It’s completely valid to feel confused, especially because your relationship was feeling solid. That shock? That’s what happens when reality suddenly feels mismatched with the trust you built.
As for what to do next:
And lastly: don’t gaslight yourself. You’re not overreacting. You’re not being crazy. Your boundaries were already made clear, and he crossed them and tried to hide it.
Even if this ends up being “innocent” (which it doesn’t feel like, let’s be honest), the fact that you now feel unsafe in your trust is something he has to account for and work to repair not something you should carry alone.
You are not weak for being hurt. You are strong for pausing, processing, and seeking truth. No matter what happens next, you’re allowed to protect your peace.
Sending you love, truly. You’re not alone.
*Edit: formatting
You already know he is lying. Confronting him, he will continue to lie. He is a POS. I am extremely sorry, as a husband and father I cant imagine the pain, especially 8 fucking months postpartum when a wife needs the most help and attention. You’ll never be able to trust him again. Wow, just wow, this angers me. Please find a great attorney to destroy this guy.