Hi there,
I (23M) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for years now, and I genuinely believe she is my soulmate. I’ve never clicked this much with a person. She is caring, considerate, unconditionally loving & supportive, unbelievably kind, creative, and funny. She feels like someone I can always rely on, she is beautiful, and I love to see her succeed.
Before we started dating, I was extremely depressed and hated myself. She helped me develop confidence and coping mechanisms, allowing me to process emotions better, feel better, and express myself more.
However, she absolutely despises herself, and I fear it is self-destructive for her. Though she almost never brings it up, she has expressed to me that she genuinely hates herself, and feels no motivation or drive to practice self control or push herself, which leads to further self hatred. This is a viscous cycle where she feels she deserves to hate herself and has grown to feel this is natural for her.
She doesn’t take this out on me in any capacity, and this hasn’t had any affect on our relationship, but it is clear she is hurting herself. She fears things like looking into alternative career options, doing a new hobby, or working out because she simply does not have the drive to do any of it because part of her feels undeserving of it. It feels like a really really unhealthy coping mechanism or a form of self-harm.
Let me make something clear: I understand this is not my responsibility. I cannot “fix” her or make her change, she has to do it. I’m not a therapist. That being said, I still feel we are hugely compatible and I want to be here for her. She makes me immensely happy and I want to help her out of this as her partner. I’m looking for advice of how I can get her out of this dark place and give her a boost so she can take the first step. I want to support her, I’m just not sure how. Therapy might not be a viable option due to our very low income at the current moment.
I try to compliment her and motivate her, and while she smiles at me, it’s clear there’s a part of her that is actively fighting against it in her head and trying to reject it. If anyone has had a partner go through something similar and was able to support them out of it, any advice would be appreciated.
Comments
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Nudging her to get into therapy is your strongest move. A therapist would give her coping skills and help her build a more positive internal dialogue from an unbiased standpoint.