I’m 23 (F), and my best friend is 24 (F). We’ve known each other since university, and our bond has always been strong. Our parents are good friends too, and she’s been a genuinely kind and loving presence in my life. When it comes to her friendships, she gives her all, and I’ve always appreciated that.
However, there’s a part of her relationship pattern that unsettles me. She tends to catch feelings quickly, often based on appearance, and her relationship history has been a bit chaotic. That side of her makes me hesitant to introduce her to certain people in my life, especially the ones I’m closely connected to.
There’s a guy I’ve known since high school. He’s one of my closest friends and probably the only person I feel completely safe and at ease with. Our bond is deeply personal, and he’s been there for me in ways that are hard to put into words. Last year, I introduced him to her, despite feeling conflicted about it. I did it because I care about them both, but I had this quiet fear that something like this would eventually happen.
A week ago, she told me she’s developed feelings for him. And while I don’t have romantic feelings for him, I do have a soft corner. I value our bond immensely, and I feel protective of it. Her saying she likes him hit me harder than I expected. I know I’m probably being insecure, and I’m aware of that. But at the same time, I can’t ignore what I feel.
Whenever the three of us hang out, I find myself feeling uncomfortable when she gets too close to him. Whether it’s physical proximity or just the way they interact. It feels like a space I used to feel safe in is gradually shifting, and I don’t know where I stand in it anymore. That sense of emotional displacement is difficult to shake off.
When I opened up to her about how I felt, she told me I needed to work on my insecurities and do better. I don’t entirely disagree. I do think I have some work to do within myself. But I also can’t help wondering if it was fair for her to pursue someone she knew I had such a deep emotional connection with, even if it wasn’t romantic.
I’m stuck between wanting to grow past my insecurities and wondering if I’m valid in feeling unsettled. Am I stretching this too far? Or is this discomfort pointing to something that shouldn’t be ignored? More than anything, I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and feeling like I no longer belong in the spaces I once felt secure in.
TLDR: my best friend, who I really love and respect is getting close to a guy I have a soft spot for. We share a genuine friendship but she’s kind of into him and when I told her about this, she said I’m being insecure and should work on myself.