Last weekend, my girlfriend and I went to the beach. It was packed and hot. At first, we were having a great time. But then I noticed she kept staring at this group of shirtless, fit guys nearby.
She even nudged me and said, “That one with the tattoo is cute.” I thought she was joking, but she kept looking and adjjusting her bikini while glancing their way.
I told her, “You know I’m right here, right?” She laughed and said, “Relax, it’s not like I’m cheating.”
I felt disrespected and uncomfortable, so I told her I wasn’t feeling it anymore and wanted to leave. She said I was being insecure and dramatic, but I left anyway.
Now she’s mad at me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
AITA for walking away instead of staying and pretending I was fine with it?
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Last weekend, my girlfriend and I went to the beach. It was packed and hot. At first, we were having a great time. But then I noticed she kept staring at this group of shirtless, fit guys nearby.
She even nudged me and said, “That one with the tattoo is cute.” I thought she was joking, but she kept looking and adjjusting her bikini while glancing their way.
I told her, “You know I’m right here, right?” She laughed and said, “Relax, it’s not like I’m cheating.”
I felt disrespected and uncomfortable, so I told her I wasn’t feeling it anymore and wanted to leave. She said I was being insecure and dramatic, but I left anyway.
Now she’s mad at me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
AITA for walking away instead of staying and pretending I was fine with it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left the beach early because I felt uncomfortable with how my girlfriend was checking out other guys and commenting on them. I didn’t want to start a scene, so I just said I wanted to leave. She thinks I overreacted and says I made the whole day awkward. I’m wondering if walking away instead of talking it out more calmly makes me the asshole.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your girlfriend sounds like a horrible piece of work. She’s gaslighting you. If she can do THAT in front of you, I shudder to think her level of disrespect when you’re not around.
You are being immature and dramatic, but still NTA.
Out of curiosity, do you ever check out girls when you’re with her? Even if you don’t point it out in the obvious way she did, it’s possible she’s noticed that you’ve done so and wanted to make you jealous, or give you a taste of your own medicine. Eitherway, it’s a juvenile way to make a point if that’s what she was doing.
INFO: has this ever been your dynamic in the past? Like have you pointed out girls you’ve thought were attractive before? Or has this come out of nowhere?
If you’re that insecure that you get upset that your gf looks at another guy, you might want to limit where you go. I think it’s absolutely normal for someone to look at an attractive person of the opposite sex. Heck my wife points out pretty ladies to me when we’re out. YTA.
NTA
I have no issues with saying someone else is attractive. That doesn’t mean you aren’t.
However I would be extremely irritated if my partner was flirting with someone else in front of me.
NTA that’s rude asf of her and I’d be second guessing being w someone like this
NTA, the action of cucking should have been discussed beforehand.
> Now she’s mad at me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
Well yea…
Y’all broke up. You left her on beach cause she crossed one of your boundaries. Yay you!
But having a boundary doesn’t mean bending others to your POV, it means youll leave and not look back…
yet your looking back?
NAH.
Well… I’d say NTA but you do seem a bit over sensitive.
Was leaving her alone on the beach with guys that you know she finds attractive the right move? Probably not.
From my single days pursuing girls who say they have boyfriends… the reality is: “Boyfriends are like speed bumps, they only slow you down”.
NTA. She’s being rude/dismissive to you deliberately, pretending she’s into other guys. Possibly to see your response, like a test. But instead of walking off, I probably would have started making similar comments about women on the beach.
Then she’ll either accept that conversation as the result of her game, or end the game as she realises that’s uncomfortable.
Errr…yea, that’s super disrespectful. She’ll be cheating soon
You both sound immature.
NTA, but if she’s doing that in front of you, I’d be real curious to see how she acts when you aren’t around.
YTA.
She’s human. Humans look at other humans. If you aren’t comfortable with it, you need to talk about it like an adult.
It depends on what you were comfortable with if that makes any sense? Sometimes couples will point out attractive people together, it’s normal to find other ppl attractive when in a relationship. Talk to her about boundaries, but i don’t think anyone’s the asshole lol.
She probably hooked up with tattoo guy after you left.
NTA. You weren’t comfortable with it so you left. That’s your boundary.
NTA. It’s perfectly normal to notice other people while you’re in a relationship. It’s very different to actively tell your partner that you think another person nearby is attractive. That’s weird, and disrespectful. I would be very wary of that, especially if she isn’t seeing an issue with it.
I don’t think she is your girlfriend. I think she is your ex-girlfriend.
You leaving was fine, but also realize she might have decided she’d rather hang out with those other guys than you after you left.
NTA it’s the same as if you were checking out girls while with her. It’s disrespectful end of story. Unless you have that kind of relationship we’re you both don’t mind when checking out other people she is in the wrong.
NTA. One thing mentioning it then ignoring them but to keep checking them out and adjusting her bikini (no idea what she was adjusting btw) is not cool
NTA. Wack
YTA. insecurity = red flag.
YTA
Immature and insecure.
You don’t describe any flirting or behavior that is disrespectful to you.
I’d say the same thing if this was a girl writing this complaning about her man seeing girls in bikinis at the beach.
Let her get her motor running, you’ll benefit later
She needs to learn actions have consequences so you did the right think. If my gf told me a dude was cute with tattoos I’d tell her to go talk to him as I turned and walked for the car. I don’t do disrespect well and she was direspecting you.
When she has the tip of his penis in her mouth she’ll say relax it’s not “really” inside me
NTA she is disrespectful and you should leave permanently.
You sound young. I live in a large beach city and my friends / partner ranges from late 20’s to early 50’s. Full sexuality spectrum as well. One of our main topics of conversation at the beach is people watching and admiring particularly good looking people out loud. It’s also a regular topic of conversation between me and my partner.
I’d say ESH. She should have picked up that you were uncomfortable and stopped to discuss instead of immediately dismissing your feelings, but also, she’s right that you were being very insecure and dramatic about a pretty normal topic of conversation at a beach.
NTA.
She is disrespectful.
Next time do the very same when you two see very attractive women and see how she likes it..
NTA.
You need to have a serious talk with her. It doesn’t matter if she was serious about checking other guys out or not. It made you uncomfortable and she didn’t care.
If the situation was reversed and you pointed out how nice a woman’s butt looked in a bikini, would she have laughed with you and agreed?
I think looking at another attractive person is fine, but actively pointing it out and making adjustments to your own body to appear better (seemingly for the attractive person) is a major issue in my opinion
If you get back together, make sure that you check out other women and comment about how pretty they are when you’re out with her.
If she complains, just say, “Relax, it’s not like I’m cheating.”, and then call her insecure.
Info:
Why would she point them out to you?
Either there is more going on between you two, or she was trying to instigate… something. Good or bad.
More communication is needed, generally, but pointing out hot people to your partner is kinda common.
you’re not insecure for feeling disrespected. she literally pointed at another guy and called him cute while you were right there. if that doesn’t make you feel invisible, idk what would.
honestly? walking away instead of blowing up was more mature than most people would’ve managed.
Ok for guys to
Sounds like she may like the attention, don’t blame you for being bothered.
NTA. You let her know it bugged you and she could’ve stopped. She didn’t.
The YTA comments here are baffling to me.
I have been happily married for over 15 years and often people accuse my wife of being “flirty.” I really don’t care. We fully trust each other.
To be commenting and staring at other guys while clearly trying to grab attention is just a breach of decency and trust. Screw that.
If I behaved the same way towards some women at the beach, I would expect to be left there.
ESH.
Did she leave at the same time, with you? If not, she probably stayed and talked to him. She’s probably worse when you’re not around. This is just a hint of what she’s like when away from you. Time to move on.
You should have done the same and stare at sexy girls around, she would have stopped very quickly.
INFO: Have you talked about this with her before? Some couples don’t mind if their partner just looks at other people and compliment that they think they’re attractive. Have you told your girlfriend that you would not like this in the past?
NTA. Unless that’s something you’ve discussed and are comfortable with, which this doesn’t seem to be the case, it’s incredibly disrespectful.
Leave. This type of people is very hard to deal with. To them, unless you catch them live physically inside another person it’s not “cheating” and you’re apparently being insecure. The concept of respecting their partner is very foreign to them.
Huge red flag that she said you are insecure. That’s absolutely not okay in a relationship. You deserve someone better.
Maybe not an A but definitely insecure and jealous. I bet you check out other women?
NTA. Big difference between being insecure and being with someone who does shit to make you insecure. That’s such a lame thing to do too. This girl just showed you she’s both disrespectful and inconsiderate, this ought to be an ex soon.
Why didn’t you turn it back on her, by starting to point out pretty girls and comnenting about them to her?
Also, when you left, did she stay behind?
New girlfriend
NTA – you dodged a bullet. She is clearly looking to what she thinks is an upgrade.
Let her look she’s leaving with you
the only real revenge would be to dump her ass and start lifting weights
You were being insecure and dramatic.