I (26F) met a guy (28M) through Jeevansathi, and we really hit it off. After weeks of texting and phone calls, he flew to Mumbai to meet me. The connection was amazing he said he had fallen for me and was very serious about our future.
After he went back to Bangalore, we started talking even more hours every day. We both felt this could lead to marriage, so I booked tickets to visit him in Bangalore.
But a week before my trip, things changed. His mom insisted on checking my kundli. According to her astrologer, I’m Rakshas Gana and he’s Manushya Gana, and she believes this makes us an incompatible match. Now, she’s completely against our relationship.
What hurts the most is how he’s handling it. He tells me he misses me, doesn’t want to marry anyone else, and wishes things were different but he’s not actually standing up to his mom. He hasn’t tried to convince her or take any concrete steps to fight for us.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I was emotionally invested, and everything felt real and promising. I don’t know whether I should still go to Bangalore and try to talk it out with him in person, or cancel the trip and move on from this situation. I feel like I’m in limbo.
TL;DR
I (26F) met a great guy (28M), and things were going well. After we planned a second meeting, his mom’s astrologer said our kundlis are incompatible. Now she’s against our relationship, and he’s not doing anything to stand up for us just saying he misses me. I don’t know if I should still go see him or just close this chapter. Advice?
Comments
It sounds like if you tried to marry this man you’d end up married to his mother, or to his mother’s astrologer. That’s no way to live.
Bots so botty they can’t keep the ages straight in the post.
Why would you want somebody who is willing to give you up over superstitious nonsense?
I’m sorry, but it seems like this guy is not able or willing to fight for a relationship that is not astrologically compatible. Notice how he is sorry, and regretful, but not actually saying anything tangible or actionable.
Time to move on.
I would suggest you close this chapter, and I know that will be sad to hear.
A man who is ruled this heavily by his mother will ALWAYS pick her over you, which means this is just the start of long and difficult journey. He will bend to her will for EVERYTHING, your courtship, your wedding, your home as a married couple, your children… you will be expected to serve her as he does, and anytime you try and stand up for your relationship with him having it’s own life, she will fight you.
And he will pick her every time.
Unless you’re happy to submit to her completely and essentially just be a servant who has her grandchildren, this relationship will be more like indentured service to her.
And even worse, you will NEVER win her approval. Even if you decide to try your hardest, you will never be good enough for her… not because you are not good enough, but because no one is good enough. She only cares about herself.
Keep looking for someone who puts you first – this man is NOT your only chance at love.
Don’t try to stick with a fucking idiot or a fucking coward.
That’ll just screw you over twice as much when you get both in the same person.
I will say that I don’t have the whole cultural context here but it sounds like this has all happened over a pretty short timeline? It’s not a great sign that he’s hot to go until his mother says you’re astrologically incompatible, at the very least I would put off any trips to see him and see how things settle out and let him take responsibility for picking things back up and moving them forward. If you don’t see any changes after you talk to him (“hey, you say you want to marry me, so you need to figure out how to work with your mom here and you need to show me that you’re fighting for us” you move on
Walk.
Happened kinda exactly to a friend of mine. His gf’s mum exactly like this, she told her to break up, he still tried to make the relationship work. They still meet behind her mum’s back.
At one stage he came to see gf’s mum, saying that he’ll try everything to make it work. The mum flat out denying she met astrologer and stuff, she said that’s her daughter decision to break up, the gf won’t even say anything to her mum.
In a way he believes his gf told the truth and the mum was lying. But he kinda wondering if his gf lying all this time. He cut contact straight after that conversation.
That was almost 20 years ago. Now my friend is happily married with kids. The gf’s is divorced with 2 kids. We all friends in social media, i still talk to my friend but not with his ex. Sometimes i see that gf uploading pic of her with her mum going out and i wonder if her divorce is caused of her mum meddling with her life.
Walk away. It’s his mum beliefs and he’s a mummy boy. Even somehow you go through all that and got married, she can still make your life hell
Cancel your tickets and block all forms of contact. No need to repeatedly listen to how much you are missed while he is likely actively dating whoever his mom deems an appropriate match for him to see where it goes.
He wants to continue experiencing the connection that you share without having to be together because his mom doesn’t approve.
You deserve to be chosen and you are not. There is someone even more perfect out there for you. He is not it.