How did she (F19) truly feel about me (M20)?

I have struggled with relationships my entire life. Yet, I decided to make a conscious effort to be more sociable when I went to college. I was about 20 years old at the time.

As it was a female-dominated major, more than 90% of the students in my semester were girls. There was one girl in particular that stood out to me, around a year younger than me, so about 19 at the time. For the sake of comprehension, let’s call her “Anna”. Anna was easily the most attractive woman in our major in terms of looks and body, and everyone knew it. We got along well enough the handful of times we interacted directly, and I started developing a small crush on her. I was hesitant to do anything about it though, as she appeared a bit aloof and haughty, mostly keeping to her small circle of girlfriends.

During our second semester, we became rather close, as we shared several classes where everyone else was a stranger, or from a different major. We would do every group project together. My attraction to her grew quite a bit, and I suspected she may have had a crush on me too. We would lightly flirt all the time. Her girlfriends liked me, and they would smile knowingly and giggle any time they saw us together.

At some point, I started to realize that Anna became annoyed whenever I would sit far away from her for whatever reason. She would loudly call out for me from across the room, in front of our professor and other classmates. She would also get annoyed whenever I spoke to another girl in her presence. She would snidely comment things like “You know soooooo many women”, or “Do you know every girl around here?”. Anna would say these things in a very pouty, bratty-child sort of way. I didn’t take this personally initially, I reasoned that all of the positive attention she was used to receiving had left her a bit spoiled and needy. I was wrong, her anger was definitely personal. Some time passed, and I finally felt confident enough to ask Anna out on a date. Anna said she couldn’t, as she was in her hometown. She used the same excuse multiple times, so I realized that it was likely a lie.

I was a disheartened, but our relationship remained pretty much the same afterwards. We would still do group activities together. Anna would also keep getting jealous whenever I spoke to other girls. Honestly, I would’ve been content being friends with her had she not repeatedly chastised me for keeping other female company besides her. I was angered that she had the gall to be possessive of me after rejecting my advances. I reasoned that she was probably at least somewhat interested in me, if her persistent petty comments and jealousy were in any indication. She would also occasionally sincerely compliment me on things like my looks and intelligence.

I started provoking her on purpose, thinking that this would get her attention and force her to become honest with me. Whenever I was with Anna, and saw another girl I knew, I would theatrically start flirting with the other girl right in front of Anna. The other girls would generally go along with it, they seemed to think that this was hilarious. Anna on the other hand, could barely contain her anger. I would continue to tease her, stating that the girl I had just greeted was one of my many girlfriends. I thought that she would realize that this was ridiculous joke, and call me out on it. My teasing was never explicitly malicious or hostile, but Anna seemed to take it seriously. She would generally answer something along the lines of “No, you can’t have a bunch of girlfriends, I should be your only girlfriend!” Comments like these confused me further.

This sparked a tedious cycle in our relationship: I asked Anna out, and she rejected my advances by stating she was out of town. she still got jealous around other girls anyway, however. My provocations increased in intensity, and so did her possessiveness of me. Anna would stare daggers at me, throw barbs, and even complain about me to other people, sometimes in front of me. On one occasion, while we were together, Anna started angrily ranting about me to a mutual acquaintance that was trying to flirt with her. “Of course I know him, every other girl in this college knows him too! They’re all his girlfriends!” Perhaps even stranger, was that our flirtation became more intense as well. Anna would sometimes tease me by showing revealing pictures of her in swimwear. I also made suggestive comments directed at her. She always responded well to my flirtation. In part, this is what motivated me to keep asking her out.

Ultimately, the last time I tried asking Anna out, she replied by sending me a long paragraph explaining that she doesn’t go out with men that she’s not interested in, and that she would rather be friends. I agreed, and felt relieved that she had been honest with me. This did not last very long

To my dismay, Anna became even more possessive, culminating in her angrily snapping at me for joking about having multiple girlfriends again. Once more, she stated that she should be “My only girlfriend”. I dryly replied that she was insane. The semester ended, and I didn’t see her much afterwards. Our subsequent interactions remained friendly, but perhaps a bit strained. All in all, our relationship intensified, exploded, and fizzled out over the course of about 6 months.

Being completely honest, a toxic part of me enjoyed being able to get a rise out of someone so used to staying detached and getting her way. It made me feel like I had gotten back at her in a way, for sending me mixed signals. At the same time, the lack of clarity in the relationship frustrated me. I felt like she had denied me both a regular friendship as well as a romantic relationship. Instead, she preferred keeping me in a very frustrating middle space. Perhaps she felt like I was doing the same to her.

TLDR: A girl I liked in college, repeatedly rejected me when I invited her on a date. Despite this, she would get increasingly jealous of my interactions with other girls. I would provoke her on purpose. It was partially enjoyable for me, but also frustrating

What I want to know is how Anna truly felt about me. Despite her claims, she clearly remained attached to me in some way following her last rejection. I regret the way our relationship ended. We both created a toxic and unsatisfying relationship, and I would like to have some closure. What do you all think? Was she attracted to me? Or not? Why did she act like this?