Hi,
Please, be kind with me, I would like to have emotional support or an advice…
I am 41F who has reconnected with a 34F in a friendship 4 months ago. She lives in the city I lived before. The first month and a half it went very well, we connected more and more, she was being supportive in a hard situation I was living… I remember that she told me that when she was in a bad situation, a friend of her distanced herself from her, and I told her that with communication we could understand each other.
But after this month and a half she began to communicate less and less, she noticed less my emotions, she became more rational in her answers… She was rational at some moments before, but she tried to explain better when I didn’t understand her… Also she started to leave in a middle of a conversation until the next day, without saying anything…
She has done a very rational therapy for 2 years, she takes pieces of information and checks them with the other person and looks for quick solutions, without thinking of some consequences… She says a lot of technical sentences like “Have you considered…?” of doing something that is disconnected from my situation… For example, I am tired and she can say “Have you considered to move to another city?”. Another day I told her something that happened to me in the past, and she asked me what use that was… I said that I wanted to share something that happened to me, she didn’t say anything more…
The second time we met she was very distant from me, I asked her if something was happening, and she answered that the book she was reading was exciting… During all the meeting she was saying ironies about her things, and also about mine, and she was in her world… She also explained me that she arrived to the “end of the process” with her new boss, that at the beginning of meeting this new boss some time ago, she was impacted, later she got stressed and sad, and finally, she has become cynical with her boss…
Some time later she told me she was hypervigilant, that she will go to live with her boyfriend and she had bad memories from another boyfriend, and she had fears… She told me it would go ok, but I felt she was insecure…
She also began to not answer about how I was, she asked me “Hi, how are you?” And I told her how I was and I asked her how she was, and she only answered about her… I asked her if something was happening with me, and she answered about how I was in a serious way and she didn’t answer if something was happening… I was very confused…
The next day, she send a voice message telling me that she was ok with me, and some time ago she had decided to not call me because she felt that by phone ”things happened”, so she decided to only send voice or text messages… I got blocked emotionally… I told her that she could tell me that before, and she answered that the day before she noticed it was affecting me, and that’s the reason she was telling me that, but she didn‘t say anything about telling me that before…
Some time later she also told me she had found a new job and she would begin in August and she was very nervous, and she was thinking how the “transition” would be… I asked her what she meant, and she told me that she was sad of leaving her job…
Last time we talked I explained to her a situation I had, she answered me in a very rational way through a voice message and she put the blame on me. I told her that her answer affected me and I explained again the situation. I also said what I would do with the situation. She answered with a voice message taking the pieces of information and checking with me. I said “yes“ thinking she wouldn’t say anything more, but the next day she said “Have you considered…?” And she said the same as I said in my previous message… I told her that and I also said that what I needed was emotional support. I also asked her how she was and how she was feeling about the changing of the job. She didn’t say anything about the emotional support… She directly said she was packing and she would be in the new job in mid-August. I told her that as she told me she was nervous, if she wanted to explain me more, she didn‘t say anything… She also asked me how I was. I answered briefly that the day before was difficult for me… She asked me about it and how I felt, and I explained what happened to me, but not everything, and she only took one message, she checked the information, I answered and she said “Ah!” with an emoji…
Since then I haven’t had the strength to write to her, and she didn’t write to me, so I thought that we wouldn’t talk unless I said something, and I was thinking what to do… But today she has appeared telling me “Hi, how are you?” As nothing happened…
I met her in 2019, and I stopped talking to her in 2020…
In 2019, after the first 3 months of being friends, she began to tell me ironies or comments that made me feel sad or hurt, I asked her about it, and she answered with irony as she was doing that on purpose… And some time later, she treated me worse with more ironies and hurting comments, and I distanced myself… That moment is when her boyfriend was treating her badly, but I didn’t know it, she told me that when we reconnected…
I am thinking what to do…
Thanks for reading me…
TL;DR: A friend communicates less and less, leaves me in the middle of a conversation and also explains herself late or doesn’t explain herself at all, and responds less and less to my emotional side and only responds in a rational way, looking for pieces of information and offering solutions, and she finally hardly responds…