Does anyone else have a huge fear of accidentally getting pregnant that it even makes you afraid of relationships?
This started getting serious around the time my mother accused me of being pregnant when I was about 13, just because she found out I hadn’t gotten my period. I wasn’t even sexually active like that. That’s when I started getting scared of things like cryptic pregnancies too.
Even when I was a kid, I used to get creeped out by pregnant women — I was scared they’d have health issues just because they were “fat” lol
Some background: I can’t be on the pill or anything hormonal because I have autoimmune issues, and it’s better for my health to keep my hormones balanced. Other methods like condoms aren’t safe enough.
How do you all deal with these kinds of thoughts? I’ve tried therapy, but it didn’t help and it’s also way too expensive.
TL;DR: My fear of pregnancy is so serious that I’m scared to be in a relationship because I feel like I’ll be pressured into sex.
Comments
Have you thought about getting a bisalp?
It’s actually a lot harder to get pregnant than people realize. There’s only 5-7 days of the month you’re actually fertile. Combine that with birth control and it’s super odd to me anyone ever gets accidentally pregnant to begin with.
Not really no. I have a Mirena IUD and ask my partners to use condoms, I’m pretty bulletproof.
Maybe you should consider a copper IUD?
My desire to not be pregnant was far greater than my desire to have sex. The whole idea of being pregnant felt like it was the same as being possessed by an alien. I was in heterosexual relationships, and had sex only rarely (using multiple contraception methods including tracking my cycle). Any guy who wasn’t OK with this was immediately dumped. They had nothing to lose – while I had everything to lose. Their “need” didn’t have sway over my well-being.
I used to, but then I got a bi-salp
When I was married my husband used condoms. I couldn’t handle the pill or anything else that was hormonal either.
Sorta. I mean I use to. Got my tubes tied at 25 and the relief of not having to worry was, and still is magnificent. I know that isnt a feasible thing for everyone.
I’m very open about the fact that I don’t enjoy penile-vaginal sex. Although my reasons are mostly because the risks outweigh the rewards and I’d rather do things with my partner that actually feel good, I think you might have success doing the same thing with potential partners. There are definitely guys who feel the same way! Even outside of my previous partners, I do happen to know a guy who is so concerned about pregnancy he got a vasectomy but still uses a condom.
I can understand not being on the pill because you have autoimmune issues.
However the pill keeps your hormones stable throughout the month.
So your reasoning there is a bit off.
If you’re worried that much about pregnancy, always use two forms of birth control – one type for you that your doctor has approved and condoms for him. Plus you should be making him use condoms for STI prevention purposes anyways.
Yup I developed a huge fear of getting pregnant after I suspect my ex purposely got me pregnant.. and I had to have an abortion. About a month after my abortion the condom “broke” there was a hole on top and my ex said he didn’t notice it even though he also said condoms have broke for him many times so wouldn’t you know the feeling? I remember having the same feeling of “this doesn’t feel right” before I got pregnant and then feeling extra wet down there but for some reason I didn’t put two and two together. That on top of the constant sexual coercion gave me a massive fear. If I have sex I ALWAYS check the condom. I took plan b immediately once I realized the condom broke and I was fine but it’s scary.
The only real way is to minimize risk. Multiple layers of birth control often gives ~99.9% pregnancy protection. I’m talking condoms, spermicide, ovulation tracking, & IUD/hormonal BC. You can decide if that’s a risk you can handle. Sterilization is also an option without the chemicals and vigilance.
Personally, I gradually realized I was attracted to women. Dating them lifted a huge cloud off my shoulders. I was finally fully present. In contrast to when I was an “enforcer” of safe sex with men. My gf also already has a child, so I have one in my life some of the time without the whole pregnancy/diaper thing -and can hand her back when I’m done! 😂 it’s kind of a nice setup.
Well there are options: Magic Wand, Oral+foreplay etc.
No, I don’t have that fear. I don’t want to get pregnant. I have been in a relationship for 7? Years and married for 1.5. We are relying on my Nexplanon. I haven’t gotten pregnant and I don’t prefer it. Open to childbirth, open to abortion. He will be getting the snip soon. I also live in GA and that part’s a bit scary, yeah.
If I was single, I might insist on condoms on top of reversible long term birth control. If I get pregnant, it’s with a man I know is a good father to his children from a previous marriage.
I also have autoimmune issues and had weird experiences with BC. Oral BC that was estrogen based made me depressed and suicidal. The nonhormonal copper IUD made me bleed two weeks of every month. Nexplanon (progesterone) was a godsend. On my first one I was super regular still and had no symptoms. No weight gain, no additional acne, no cramps, no mood issues. I’m on my second one now and my period is less predictable – vacillates between a 3-week cycle and a 5-7 week cycle. But still no other problems. I love it. Mild cramps for part of the first day.
When my partner gets the snip, I look forward to getting it out to see what me without those hormones is like. But I honestly haven’t felt a difference.
I have also heard about several IUD pregnancies and only one Nexplanon pregnancy. Both are rated 99.5% or something like that. But I kinda feel like the Nexplanon is rarer and safer if you want to save the pregnancy. I could be suuuuuper wrong on that.
I’ve got autoimmune stuff too, and letting my cycle just do its thing is worse for me.
I’m on progesterone only pills that have completely stopped my periods and it’s fucking awesome to not have periods. My autoimmune stuff doesn’t flare right before my periods anymore because I don’t have periods anymore.
Ask if there is a hormonal birth control, either pills, IUD, or implants that can stop your period that is safe to take with your autoimmune issues.